Wikipedia:Peer review/Sam & Max: Freelance Police/archive1

Sam & Max: Freelance Police

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I'm putting this up for peer review to get some third-party opinions and a comb-through for a future FAC. The article, which passed GAN last month, concerns a Sam & Max game developed by LucasArts, before being abruptly cancelled in 2004. As such, there's not much to say outside development and critical commentary on the subject; very little info was revealed regarding gameplay and plot, so that's all been put into a single section. All sources should check out or otherwise be justifiable and the images all have rationales. The main thing I'd like to get out of this is something that satisfies the criteria for "brilliant prose" as I always have trouble hitting that target on my own. There's also likely to be elements of my British English amongst it that need to be weedled out. Ta, -- Sabre (talk) 19:53, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Although I have never heard of the game or the comic book it was based on, this is interesting and generally well done. Here are some suggestions for improvement, mostly nitpicks. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 05:07, 29 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Would it make sense to add the start date to the first sentence of the lead, perhaps something like Sam & Max: Freelance Police was a graphic adventure computer game developed by LucasArts between 2002 and its cancellation in 2004. ?
 * Per WP:LEAD and WP:MOSQUOTE quotations in the lead need a ref, such as ... the "Freelance Police", an anthropomorphic dog and "hyperkinetic rabbity thing" ... and ... citing "current market place realities and underlying economic conditions". 
 * Awkward sentence - would it make sense to split it into two? The cancellation of the game was received very poorly by fans of the series, Steve Purcell and the video game industry's media, many of the latter seeing this move as the culmination of the decline of the adventure game genre.
 * Is "used" the correct verb here - would "played" be better? the minigames featured in Sam & Max Hit the Road, many of these minigames would be entirely optional as to whether the player used them or not, ...
 * WP:MOSQUOTE says refs for quotations should follow the quote as closely as possible, so many of the sentences with direct quotes need better refs.
 * Awkward verb Although the game was estimated for release in the first quarter of 2004, no additional details were revealed by LucasArts.[8] perhaps Although the game's release was projected for the first quarter of 2004, ... ?
 * Define abbreviations, so change it to ... at the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) convention ...
 * Awkward again The convention reaffirmed the estimated release date of early 2004.[10] A convention can't affirm something. LucasArts reaffirmed the projected first quarter 2004 release date at the convention.
 * I think "might" would be better than "may" in leading the media to speculate that Freelance Police may suffer a similar fate.[13]
 * Specific attribution of quotes is better (especially at FAC) than vague things like The industry's media described the cancellation as "another nail in the coffin of the adventure genre on the PC",[15] ... - the industry didn't write that - one reviewer didm, so identify him and IGN too
 * Make sure the sources used meet WP:RS.


 * Thanks for the review, I'll se what I can do. -- Sabre (talk) 16:48, 1 February 2009 (UTC)