Wikipedia:Peer review/Samuel Eto'o/archive1

Samuel Eto'o
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it could do with a pair of non-football eyes.

Thanks, Sandman888 (talk) 11:06, 9 September 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Sounds like a talented plater who has some issues - thanks for your work on this, but I think it needs a fair amount more work before it can be GA, let alone FA. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 01:44, 19 September 2010 (UTC)
 * The external links checker tool on this page finds two dead links and one possible problem link. These will need to be fixed of replaced.
 * Why is the article named "Samuel Eto'o" but the lead says his name is "Samuel Eto'o Fils" without further explanation? I think at least it should make clear that he is commonly known as "Samuel Eto'o" in the lead, but there needs to be more explanation of the different versions of his name.
 * The lead needs a fair amount of other work. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. As such, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. However his training at Kadji and his Spanish passport are only in the lead. Both need to be explained in more detail in the text.
 * My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but the racism section is not in the lead and should be.
 * The article also uses vague time terms like "currently" where it should use phrases like "as of YEAR" or "since YEAR". I would also add years to the lead so readers will know when he was with various teams.
 * I found it very odd that there is so little information on his early life. Where was he born in Cameroon? Who are his parents and what do they do? How did he satrt in sport? How did he get to Spain? The lead says he is from Cameroon and mentions his training at a club which is presumably there, and his brothers are mentioned, as well as his play with the Cameroon national team, but otherwise nothing on his life before he is already in Spain.
 * Per WP:ITALIC abd WP:MOSQUOTE, quotations are in "quotation marks" and are not in italics. This is an issue throughout the article.
 * Per WP:CITE references come AFTER punctuation, and are usually at the end of a sentence or phrase
 * Article needs more references, for example the International career section has very few refs and Career statistics has none. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
 * Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. John Wark is an FA about a footballer and may be a good model.
 * The language is rough in spots and needs a copyedit. Try to avoid short (one or two sentence) paragraphs, as they impede the flow of the prose.
 * Thanks a bunch Ruhrfish, I'll implement your suggestions over the coming week. Sandman888 (talk) 09:23, 21 September 2010 (UTC)