Wikipedia:Peer review/Sasha (DJ)/archive1

Sasha (DJ)
This has previously undergone an Peer Review here and two failed FACs here and here. It has since received copyediting from User:Coil00 and fmt-d by User:Heaven's Wrath (much thanks, guys!). I was hoping I could get some feedback as to whether or not this would pass FAC now - I'd rather not nominate it and have it fail a third time :(. Any comments feedback would be great! (especially regarding wording and language)  Thanks!  Wickethewok 22:25, 3 November 2006 (UTC)


 * Well first of, I find it very respectable that you came here first, definetely showing your good faith intentions. If you wish to know my two cents I think the article is fine in its current form and issues of prose and pictures from previous fac's have pretty much been fixed. I think the article has a good chance of making it, ofcourse there might be a few more prose issues which I'm not very well at noticing. Good Luck. - Tutmosis  01:08, 4 November 2006 (UTC)


 * This is a very good article; comprehensive without delving into trivia, and is well sourced, illustrated and cited throughout. However, the are still a few prose issues, IMO. Though minor, they would still need to be resloved before renominating as FAC. The problem is not so much with the phrasing as with the sentence constructs - some tend to be overlong and sometimes try to incorporate two or three unconnected ideas:
 * "During the months leading up to his April 1994 departure from Renaissance, Sasha first partnered with fellow resident DJ John Digweed, who had been DJ-ing for ten years previous to gaining residency at Renaissance."

The puncuation implies that the three facts are connected, and lead from each other, but this is not really the case. Similar problems occur a number of times in the article, however they're easily fixed by breaking down the sentences. You do need to go through the entire text and weed these out, but once that's done, you there I reckon. Best of luck with it, it'd be great to finally see a DJ make FA. - Coil00 20:43, 4 November 2006 (UTC)
 * Alrite, I'll try to find them. If anyone could point out more of these, that'd be great, as I'm not too great at finding them.  Thanks for all your help, Coil!  Wickethewok 04:41, 5 November 2006 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ t 02:53, 5 November 2006 (UTC)
 * I've reworked a bunch of sentences. Would you (Coil) or anyone else mind taking a look at my recent diffs and the current article to see if its better now?  Much thanks!  I also expanded the lead and fixed some other things that the automated script picked up.  Wickethewok 17:35, 7 November 2006 (UTC)