Wikipedia:Peer review/Saturday Night Live at Home/archive1

Saturday Night Live at Home
I've listed this article for peer review because it has the potential to be a GA.

Thanks, Wikipedical (talk) 21:47, 10 May 2020 (UTC)

Comments from Thatoneweirdwikier
I'll have a look and place my comments below. Thatone weird wikier &#124; Say hi 14:23, 12 May 2020 (UTC)

Infobox

 * In the inbox, it says that at Home was a single episode. Is there a way to change that?
 * Just for clarity, is the runtime 90 minutes between the 3 episodes, or is each episode 90 minutes? Either way, it should probably be clarified.

Lead

 * Would you mind checking that all of the info in the lead is in the body as well? I think I see some examples of the lead having more info than the body.
 * "...and acted as the season finale and Mother's Day-themed episode." Change the second "and" to "as well as".

Background

 * "At the time that the World Health Organization announced the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic..." When it says that the WHO announced the beginning of the pandemic, are you referring to when they declared it a pandemic. If so, the wording is unclear.
 * "...in the midst of break..." Add a "the" between "of" and "break". (иначе ты говоришь как русский.)
 * "...Lipa's second musical guest appearance since 2018." I would remove the link.
 * "Additionally, host Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson had also been infected by coronavirus but recovered." Change "had also been" to "were".

April 11 episode

 * General note for each of the "episode" sections: remove the "in the first/second/third episode" part in the heading.

Sketches in the first episode

 * "The cold open is simply the cast members turning on their Zoom..." Two things: 1. Remove "simply". 2. Change the second part to something like "...the cast members joining their Zoom meeting..."
 * "...who all perform from the comfort of their homes..." Remove the phrase "the comfort of".
 * "...Che does a tribute to his grandmother..." Who is his grandmother?
 * "Bailey at the Movies (Gardner) does a new YouTube video reviewing movies that were out before the quarantine." This sentence feels awkward in my opinion. I think it should be rewritten.
 * "Donatello (voiced by Kenan Thompson) gets a call from Dr. Firstenberg..." Who is Dr. Firstenberg?
 * "Donatello is relieved with the news [of his benign cyst]". Why is he relieved?
 * "...that Shredder passed away." Add a "has" between "Shredder" and "passed".
 * "When Leonardo gets annoyed that Raphael is asking for money again, Raphael weeps that he's got to stop betting on golf which he doesn't watch." Change to something like "Raphael asks for some money, which Leonardo gets annoyed at him for. Raphael weeps that he should stop betting on golf that he does not watch."
 * "Mooney, Bennett, and Fred Armisen remix their FaceTime chats." What is meant by remixing a FaceTime?
 * "...that showcases dating in the age of quarantine..." This phrase feels too informal.

Critical reception of the first episode & ratings of the first episode

 * – good job!

Sketches in the second episode

 * "...before saying, "Live (kinda) from all across America, it's Saturday Night!" This article has already been linked.
 * "...who all perform from the comfort of their homes..." Again, remove "comfort of their".
 * "Today's guests are Charles Barkley, DJ Khaled, and, as always, Lindsey Buckingham (Bill Hader) who just appears as a freeze frame picture. As usual, Diondre Cole (Kenan Thompson) is too busy singing his theme song to interview them. Accompanying Cole in upstaging the guests are Vance the Track Suit Guy (Jason Sudeikis), Giuseppe the funky sax player (Fred Armisen), two blue sequined dressed back up singers (Ego Nwodim and Melissa Villaseñor), Howie Hot Wheels (Mikey Day) and featured singer Quarantina (Cecily Strong) who sings "Merlot for One"." This whole paragraph seems too informal. I would suggest a rewrite.
 * "HLN anchor Valerie Webber (Nwodim) interviews her colleague, the COVID-positive Sutter (Day) who is at home in quarantine with his daughter who is also COVID-positive, via a remote video feed from his daughter's smartphone." This is quite a mouthful! Try splitting the sentences up.
 * "Judd Apatow, Nathan Fillion, Tan France, John Mulaney, Annamarie Tendler..." There should be an "and" between "John Mulaney" and "Annamarie Tendler".
 * "...members of Sandler's and Pete Davidson's families make non-speaking appearances in the sketch. Considering the context, there should be a comma between "families" and "make".
 * "Villaseñor has a not-so-smooth date with an imaginary guy." This seems too informal.

Critical reception of the second episode

 * Once again,

May 9 episode

 * "...that the show will air a third Saturday Night Live at Home episode on May 9, which will serve as the season 45 finale." Change from future tense to past tense.

Sketches in the third episode

 * "...since the school's other choices pulled out." Given the context, this part does not make sense.
 * "...an annoying couple who has smuggled personal protective equipment..." Change "has" to "have".
 * "Kenan Thompson and Chris Redd are a pastor and choir director..." I think the word "respectively" should be added at the end of this phrase.
 * "...a hyperactive beauty YouTuber who gives poor cosmetology advice." This article has already been linked.

Critical reception of the second episode

 * Once again,.

Concluding note on prose

 * That's everything I could find prose-wise. I'll dive into the refs in a few days. Thatone weird wikier &#124; Say hi 18:29, 12 May 2020 (UTC)