Wikipedia:Peer review/Sinistar: Unleashed/archive1

Sinistar: Unleashed
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want a final polish before renominating at FAC.

Thanks, — ΛΧΣ  21™  23:17, 5 October 2012 (UTC)


 * Comments from ajmint
 * Lead
 * I would drop the second "was" in the second sentence
 * "originally titled Out of the Void": "envisioned as" is unclear
 * I would drop "aforementioned"
 * Link Midway Games?
 * Would drop the comma before "and calling the game"
 * Would drop "the" before "similarities", since they aren't mentioned previously.


 * Gameplay
 * "Like its predecessor"
 * I would say "giving the player the ability to maneuver"
 * "making a total of 29 levels"
 * I would put a paragraph break before "The player is given a starship"
 * " and they are tasked with powering"
 * The serial comma makes "white, pink, and red" sound a bit clunky
 * I would split up "onto" as the "on" is part of the verb phrase "to move on"
 * "from which to choose", with two 'o's, although I would use "to choose from"


 * Development
 * I would reword the final sentence to "In their book Computer Gamer's Bible, Mark L. Chambers and Rob Smith noted..."


 * Release
 * I would link THQ in its first prose appearance
 * Comma after "general manager of GameFX"
 * Perhaps clarify what "gone gold" means?


 * Reception
 * "complimented its graphics and the addition of": I don't think "as well as" warrants a comma


 * References
 * All of the references use a British date format; consider reformatting them to put the month first, as in the Release section, because this is an American game
 * The -- in ref 4 and the - in ref 9 need to be replaced with an en dash (–)

I also gave the article a run through AWB; for future reference, you don't need to italicise the work in cite web and cite news as the templates do it for you.

ajmint (talk•edits) 00:36, 7 October 2012 (UTC)