Wikipedia:Peer review/Sitti Nurbaya/archive1

Sitti Nurbaya
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I feel like this has a good chance to make GA. What improvements should I make before nominating? Thank you. Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:10, 14 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Reviewed: Days Gone Bye

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article. I can offer suggestions from the viewpoint of a reader who knows nothing about Indonesian literature and little about Indonesia.

Lead
 * " ...is a 1922 Indonesian novel by Marah Rusli. It was published by Balai Pustaka." - This might be slightly smoother if you moved 1922 to the second sentence: " ... is an Indonesian novel by Marah Rusli. It was published in 1922 by Balai Pustaka."
 * Done.


 * Instead of forcing readers like me to link through to other articles for a basic understanding of terms like Balai Pustaka, it would be helpful, I think, to include a brief explanation in the text. Something like "Balai Pustaka, the state-owned bureau of literature, published the work in 1922".
 * Done


 * Likewise, Minangkabau could be briefly explained in the lead. Maybe "The cultures of the Minangkabau people of West Sumatra and those of Europe influenced the book... ".
 * Done


 * Is the influence European or is it Dutch? Europe includes a lot of different cultures.
 * Source says European, but is generalizing based on Dutch culture. Changed to Dutch.


 * "Not long afterwards, Nurbaya marries the abusive and rich Datuk Meringgih as a way for her father to escape debt, eventually being killed by him." - This is a bit unclear since it might mean that Datuk Meringgih killed her father. Maybe "Not long afterwards, Nurbaya marries the abusive and rich Datuk Meringgih as a way for her father to escape debt, and Meringgih eventually kills her."
 * Fixed

Writing
 * "a noble background with a degree in Veterinary Science" - No caps on "veterinary science".
 * Done


 * "According to Bakri Siregar... " - Maybe briefly describe Bakri Siregar with something like "literary critic" or "Indonesian author" or whatever is appropriate? Outsiders are not likely to know who he or she is. Ditto for A. Teeuw and others on first use of their names.
 * Done


 * "Rusli was told to return to his hometown and marry a Minangkabau woman... " - Who told him to do that? Where did the pressure come from?
 * Done


 * Would Rusli have had to divorce his wife first, or could he be married to two women at the same time? Polygamy is mentioned much later in the article but might be mentioned here as well.
 * After double checking the source (both English and its Indonesian translation), it seems that he never married the Sundanese woman; his choosing her was enough to cause his family's reaction.


 * Would it be helpful to add a sentence to this section explaining the long-standing Dutch connection to Indonesia? Perhaps a bit about this history could then also appear in the lead. It's hinted at in "then a member of the Dutch colonial army", but quite a few readers might wonder why a Dutch colonial army is fighting in Indonesia. The link to "Dutch colonial government" in the "Plot" section is helpful, but I think saying something explicit in the text might be helpful too. From when to when were the Dutch in Indonesia? I take it that Balai Pustaka was Dutch or controlled by the Dutch. Would it be possible to explain their motives in publishing the book, if a reliable source or sources address that question?
 * Done

Plot
 * "Meanwhile, Datuk Meringgih, jealous of Baginda Sulaiman's... " - Usually just the last name is used on second and subsequent references to the same person.
 * Done

Characters
 * "her as a character that is capable of making her own decisions" - She is a "who" rather than a "that".
 * Done

Style
 * "comes across as lacking" - Maybe "is seen by Siregar as inept"?
 * Quotation marks added. The original is "kurang baik", which literally translated would be "less than good".


 * "clichéed descriptions" - Nothing should be linked from within a direct quotation, according to the Manual of Style. Ditto for "dalang" in the Reception section.
 * Done

Themes
 * File:Minangkabau wedding 2.jpg is used to illustrate the idea of forced marriage. Were the couple in the illustration forced to marry? If not, is it accurate and ethical to use their image in this way?
 * Removed

Other
 * Did Rusli publish any other work?
 * His only work that was received even a tenth as well as Sitti Nurbaya was Anak dan Kemenakan, which doesn't seem to be related.


 * Could anything be added about quantities? How many copies did Balai Pustaka originally print? Did the book sell well? Any idea how many copies have been printed altogether? Has the book or its translations and adaptations made money for anyone? Any stats at all?
 * Have not found any information on that. It is currently in its 44th printing; information added to the article.

References
 * The date formatting throughout the references should be consistent. Citation 23 does not match the others.
 * That was a newspaper article, but I've cut the month and day


 * The ISBNs should include the hyphens. A handy tool here will convert them.
 * Done


 * Does the Mahayana book need a place of publication. I'm assuming that Grasindo is the publisher.
 * Done

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 17:43, 25 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)