Wikipedia:Peer review/Slipknot (band)/archive5

Slipknot (band)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make sure it meets the FA criteria.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Crowz  RSA  03:01, 14 June 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I know a lot of work has gone into this, but I think it needs a fair amount more work to be ready for WP:FAC - here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:29, 26 June 2010 (UTC)
 * The first thing I did was check the tools in the Toolbox (upper right corner here). Unfortunately, there are about 9 dead links and 7 more that are suspicious and may be dead links. These will have to be fixed before FAC - note if it is to a print source (magazine or book) a dead link is not a problem (just remove the link). Another place to look is the Internet Archive or WebCite
 * Some of the refs need more complete information - ref 124 is just a url for example. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * I would also make sure that all the sources used meet WP:RS I do not write music articles - are blabbermouth.net and opiumofthepeople.net reliable?
 * I also think the lead is not a good summary of the article - it seems too short. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article - my rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. There are two sections on masks, but no mention of them in the lead, for example. Please see WP:LEAD
 * I was also surprised that there were so many pictures of the band and its members on Commons - yet there is no image of Paul Gray in the section on his death, nor are there images of the players in masks in the sections on masks.
 * Also, to be honest, I could not tell what was going on in File:Sid Wilson & Shawn Crahan 2005.jpg and am not sure what it adds to the article - File:Corey Taylor of Slipknot at Optimus Alive Festival 2009 2.jpg is a striking image, as is File:Corey Taylor at Allstate Arena 2009.jpg
 * I do not know much about the band, but the article seems comprehensive to me and does not seem to be missing anything as far as I can tell
 * The other major issue I see with this is Criterion 1a in WP:WIAFA, a professional level of English and some WP:MOS issues. I think this needs a copyedit before FAC. Some examples follow (not an exhaustive list):
 * There are some short (one or two sentence) paragraphs in the article - these should be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve flow of the prose.
 * Some things are just awkward like this Early formations of a band were beginning to coalesce as early as 1992, when the core band members...
 * The last paragraph of Formation and early years (1995—1998) seems to be about their next album (the next section) - is there any reason why it should not be moved to the next section?
 * Watch out for WP:OVERLINKing - for example Mushroomhead is linked twice in one section as is Stone Suur, and the band members' names seem to be overlinked too.
 * At the same time, so things need to be linked or linked earlier (on first occurence). So I would link morphine and fentanyl, as well as linking Anders Colsefini in the lead at least, and probably at first use in the article body.
 * I think records are distributed to ... not distributed between... in With the production of this album, Sean McMahon began distributing it between record and management companies, which resulted in airplay on local radio and, in turn, won a spot at Dotfest.[14]
 * Problem sentences: In the early new year, guitarist Brainard decided to leave the band due to personal reasons.[25] His replacement, Jim Root, left the band with the line-up they retain.[23] I would say something like "Early the next year, guitarist Brainerd..." and the link to New Year does not really help either. The second sentence needs to be changed as the band's lineup has sadly been changed by the death of a member
 * Unclear who he is in the second sentence: In 2006, Root and Taylor once again returned with Stone Sour releasing the band's second album Come What(ever) May.[62] He also produced 3 Inches of Blood's third album Fire Up the Blades which was released in early 2007.[63] 
 * Not clear what the reference is for The Album has gone on to sell 825,000 copies in the U.S., been awarded a Gold certification, and has spawned 5 singles with the third single Dead Memories charting at #1 on the Hot 100 Mainstream Rock tracks. Lots of statistics that need a cite