Wikipedia:Peer review/Smallville (season 9)/archive1

Smallville (season 9)
This peer review discussion has been closed. The season 9 article of Smallville has potential to become a good article and achive the status. Before it is submited for Good Article status though, the article needs to be looked through and improved. Because of the length of the article, it would be a good idea to have the editors, familiar or not with the series, contribute to the article to achive this milestone. Any advice that is given is appreciated.

Thanks,  Chaos Master Chat 17:04, 24 July 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this article - sorry it has taken so long to be peer reviewed. I have not seen this series that I can recall, though I am familiar with the basics of the SUperman universe. Here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to GAN. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:16, 9 August 2010 (UTC)
 * I almost always say a model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there is one FA about Smallville, Smallville (season 1). I am guessing the editors who have worked on this article used it as a model already, as the structure of this follows season 1 pretty closely. Still, for those who say this is too list-y, the FA gives a good counter-argument.
 * One thing I did notice when comparing the two articles (this on season 9 and the other on season 1) is that sason 1 has 20 kB of text that is not the episode table or refs or captions, while this article has only 13 kB of such text. Interestingly, this article is a fair amount bigger (61 kB total size on View History) than season 1 (54 kB). When I look at the episode descriptions, season 1 has 21 episodes, 4 of which are 4 lines of text long, and the other 17 of which are only 3 lines long (on my monitor). This article also has 21 episodes, but the shortest description is 4 lines for 14 episodes, 5 lines for 6, and 8 lines for the special double episode (or 4 lines for each half). So I think part of why this looks more like a list, is that the episode list has more material and the rest of the article has a lot less (compared to the FA season 1 article).
 * So I would try to tighten the epsiode descriptions where possible, and see if there is more material that can be added to the rest of the article
 * Try to keep the focus on season 9 - for example in the lead, I would rephrase In addition, after four seasons broadcasting on Thursday nights at 8:00 pm, Smallville was moved to Friday nights at 8:00 pm for season nine.[4][5] to something like In addition, Smallville was moved to Friday nights at 8:00 pm for season nine, after four seasons broadcasting on Thursday nights at 8:00 pm.[4][5]
 * I would add Metropolis to the lead somehow - the episodes mention it 3 times and only mention the town of Smallville twice, but the lead says The series recounts the early adventures of Kryptonian Clark Kent as he adjusts to life in the fictional town of Smallville, Kansas, during the years before he becomes Superman.
 * I think the language needs to be poolished / cleaned up in places - have already pointed out that the episode summaries could be tightened a bit, but there are also things like this (some examples only, not a complete list):
 * Missing word - With the loss of two series regulars, producers had to look for a new primary villain for [the] season. (by the way, it would help to explain that one or both of the former regulars were villains).
 * Tense - the season is over, but many parts of the article are still written as if it were a future event The characters Victor Stone and Dinah Lance are set to return for the season finale; ... The whole start of the writing section is this way too In an interview, Justin Hartley revealed that season nine will partially deal with Oliver having to battle his personal demons perhaps say "In an interview published before the season began, ...''? I think in most cases it owuld be baetter to recast the sentences in past tense and to say what actually happened (and may appear in more epsidoes - well did this happen or not?)
 * Passive vs active voice - where possible try to use active voice - this is often a bit more more concise too. Example
 * ''After a date with Clark, Lois is shot with an arrow by a man dressed as the Green Arrow.
 * ''A man dressed as the Green Arrow shoots Lois with an arrow after her date with Clark.
 * Try to avoid writing from an in-universe perspective - for example expalin who Jor-El is in This season Clark takes his superhero persona into obsessive territory when he leaves behind those he cares for so that he can focus solely on Jor-El's training. - see WP:IN-U
 * ALong the same lines, I wonder if it would help to have some sort of Background section before the episodes (season 1 did not need this as there were no previous seasons to summarize). If there were a paragraph or two after the lead and before the episode list to help explain who the characters are and what important things have happened before, that would help those readers who have never seen the show, and I think it would help to reduce the episode summaries and beef up the rest of the article too.
 * Watch WP:OVERLINKing - for example the Justice Society of America is linked 6 times in the article, at least twice in one episode summary.
 * Reception mentions the lowest rating for the series this season - I think that might be mentioned in the lead
 * Are there any free images of any of the cast or writers or directors or producers that could be used in the article?


 * To try and address a couple things quickly before working on the rest of your comments, we're actually in the process of the reverse of what you suggested first. We're trying to beef up the episode plot for season 1 because it's actually very skimpy and you really only get a minute idea of what happened. There are several plot lines, though minor, that were initially left out for brevities sake because given that the MOS for TV was not in place at the time (which now suggests about 400 words), we didn't have anything to compare it to. To the background section, as much as that would be nice, that is why we have previous season articles. Films do not provide a background section when there is a series of sequels to explain where those characters are and if we were to provide a "background" for 8 previous seasons not only would it probably be lengthy given the number of main characters, but it would also add to your argument of more plot info than real world info.


 * As for everything else, I'll try and get to work on that stuff as soon as I can. It's always good to have a new set of eyes to see everything going on with the page.   BIGNOLE     (Contact me)  13:15, 9 August 2010 (UTC)