Wikipedia:Peer review/Social anxiety/archive1

Social anxiety
I would like some general feedback and copy-edits. I'm not sure if the tone is OK or if the clarifications are understandable. Constructive citicism is appreciated. Thanks. :) Gflores Talk 19:53, 1 March 2006 (UTC)
 * Let me give you a layman's first (and I mean first) impressions:
 * What do the funny numbers at the top mean?
 * I don't get all the complicated words. What is a Symptomatology?
 * I need to read really slowly to understand the complicated sentences. Maybe more examples would make the article more lively. Or pictures. And I don't mean of some guy giving a speech.
 * It took me a long time to understand that this is actually a complicated word for shyness.
 * Hope that helps ;-) Humor aside, the article is very informative and well-sourced, but largely inaccessible to those not benefiting of a university-level science education; the tone is more suited to a scientific paper than to an encyclopedia sitting on a family's bookshelf. Granted, I have no idea whether the underlying concepts can be "dumbed down" to make the article more accessible with a realistic amount of effort. As for the substance of the article - sorry, I'm a jurist, not a social anxietist... Greetings, Sandstein 21:48, 1 March 2006 (UTC)

Pretty good job, but 1) yes, what are those numbers about? 2) make sure to ilink phrases like symptomatology 3) lead is too short, consider merging it with overview section 4) history usually goes first, not last 5) don't dumb down, but instead read the great Howard S. Becker's book on how to write for social sciences and be undestood by your readers :) --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus Talk 23:57, 1 March 2006 (UTC)

''Comorbidity - There is a high degree of comorbidity with other psychiatric disorders. Social phobia is highly comorbid with low self-esteem and major depression, due...''
 * Wikify the headings where you can, at the moment the headings don't mean anything to the layman skimming through the article, and it makes for clumsy reading, eg. convert-

to

Comorbidity - Social phobia often counteracts with other psychiatric disorders such as low self-esteem and major depression, due...

--PopUpPirate 00:21, 2 March 2006 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the proof-read and replies. Here are a few of my comments.
 * Oops, after expanding the article, I forgot also expand the introduction. That should clear up what social anxiety is. PS, it's not just shyness, it's extreme, debilitating shyness (in a nutshell) :)
 * Funny numbers... I've tried to copy the format used in other FAs and WP:GAs related to psychology and disorders, see Schizophrenia, Chagas disease, Cystic fibrosis. Both of these have the box up top (I don't what else I should do with it). There's also been some discussion on the infobox's talk page... there's nothing I can do.
 * Pictures are extremely hard to come by, especially those not copyrighted. The 2 FAs above don't have too many images. I would like to add a picture of therapy somehow, but none of the therapy articles have one. I've searched everywhere.
 * You're right, having complicated section headers are a bad idea. I think I'll change symptomatology and etiology to something else. I might also change the overview section to something else... Terminology or something like that
 * History section: I've seen history sections toward the bottom before, do you think it'll look better at the top. I think going from the intro to history to overview is a bit odd. Or should it go after the overview section? Honestly, I kind of like it at the bottom. :)
 * I'll try to copy edit it (I was hoping to get some help here :)) and try to add more examples
 * Pirate: It's recommended not to wikify the headings, although there are exceptions. Secondly, I don't think counteract is the right word there, but I will change it up some.


 * Thanks again! :) Gflores Talk 01:06, 2 March 2006 (UTC)