Wikipedia:Peer review/Solar urticaria/archive2

Solar urticaria

 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because after its failed GA attempt, it has underwent many revisions and additional information has been added. However, this does not mean that it meets GA standards. Any criticisms that can be used to make this article better will be most appreciated. Thanks, NYYfan1 (talk) 00:22, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Sasata
 * "The types of the disease are controversial; there is a type I-VI classification system and also a watered down type I-II system." This seems way out of place as the third sentence of the lead. The average reader has no background context for these differently numbered classification systems. Also, the phrase 'watered down' is colloquial and should be rephrased.


 * "The disease itself can be hard to classify because it is so similar to other dermatological disorders such as polymorphic light eruption or PUVA." According to the linked article, PUVA is a treatment for a skin condition, so I'm confused how S.U. could be mistaken for a treatment.


 * "Once recognized, treatment of the disease more commonly involves administration of antihistamines and desensitization treatments such as phototherapy."


 * "However, the disease that they contributed to is not a prevalent one." Unclear. Who is they? How do you contribute to a disease?


 * "The areas constantly subject to the sun's rays..." subject->subjected. Same fix for next sentence.


 * " The urticarial reaction will begin in the form of pruritus. It will then progress to erythema and edema in the exposed areas of the skin." Combine for better flow: " The urticarial reaction will begin in the form of pruritus, later progressing to erythema and edema in the exposed areas of the skin."


 * ..."away within several hours. [11]" Remove unnecessary space before citation number.
 * " These classifications are based upon what part of the electromagnetic spectrum causes the allergic reaction." -> " These classifications are based upon the wavelength of radiative energy that causes the allergic reaction."


 * use an endash for number ranges. Put a nonbreaking space after the wavelength and before nm (eg. 290–320 nm).


 * "Type II is induced by UVA radiation. The wavelength can range from 320-400nm." Again, combine for less choppy phrasing and better flow: "Type II is induced by UVA radiation, with wavelengths between 320–400 nm."


 * "Both type III and IV's wavelength can be from 400-500nm." So how are they different?


 * "Another way of classification has also been suggested. This form would only contain type I and II solar urticaria" -> "Another classification system distinguishes only between type I and II solar urticaria."


 * "A subgroup of solar urticaria, fixed solar urticaria, has also been identified." Should mention that its rare.


 * "It is a less intense form of the disease with wheals that occur in affect similar areas of the body." Need to say what wheals are.


 * "Solar urticaria can be primary and secondary, or introduced by..." -> "Solar urticaria can be caused by primary and secondary factors, or induced by..."


 * "...is "induced by UV or visible radiation."" Needs a citation for the quoted part.


 * Wikilink tar, pitch, and dye


 * "For those susceptible to visible light, white t-shirts may be a hinderance." The use of white t-shirts promote the occurrence of disease, not hinder it.
 * " In one particular patient, doctors found..." -> "In one case, "


 * "Another patient was being treated with the antibiotic tetracycline for a separate dermatological disorder and broke out in hives when exposed to the sun." changing the tense (and combining the following sentence): "Another patient treated with the antibiotic tetracycline for a separate dermatological disorder broke out in hives when exposed to the sun, the first case to implicate tetracycline as..." (and u"nlink one of the tetracylines)


 * "The photoallergen is believed to begin its configuration through the absorption of radiation by a chromophore." Underlined part unclear. Is the implication that absorption of a chromophore causes a structural transformation in the normally benign photoallergen that results in it becoming allergenic?
 * "However, another test known as a phototest is the most useful in identifying solar urticaria." Source?


 * "Finally, there are laboratory tests which generally involve procedures such as blood, urine, and fecal biochemical tests. In some situations, a skin biopsy may be performed." I'd like to know more about what the clinicians would be looking for to verify S.U. using these lab tests.

OK, must sleep now. I'll add more comments later. Sasata (talk) 07:18, 9 March 2009 (UTC) OK, continuing review:
 * "Polymorphic light eruption (PMLE) is the easiest disease to mistake for solar urticaria because the locations of the lesions are similar." Source? Same comment for most of these statements in this section. I think these types of statements require citations after every sentence, rather than just blanket references for the entire section.


 * "When this occurs, the permeability of vessels near the point where the histamine is being released is increased. This allows blood fluid to enter the vessels and cause inflammation." Combine and reword -> "When this occurs, the permeability of vessels near the area of histamine released is increased, allowing blood fluids to enter the vessels and cause inflammation."


 * "Antihistamines simply suppress the activity of the histamine."


 * "An H1 receptor known as terfenadine has been found to be the most potent antihistamine..." Terfenadine is not an H1 receptor, rather it is a drug that interacts with the H1 receptor. And that 1 should be subscripted (i.e. H1).


 * "Patients perscribed 240 millagrams per day..." prescribed, milligrams


 * " In fact, In clinical tests, patients were ..."


 * "Treatment for less potent forms of solar urticaria such as fixed solar urticaria can be treated with an antibiotic..." Replace treated with "effected" or something similar for less word repetition.


 * "Treatment for less potent forms of solar urticaria such as fixed solar urticaria can be treated with an antibiotic known as fexofenadine. Proper administration of the drug can prevent outbreaks in the future" -> "Treatment for less potent forms of solar urticaria such as fixed solar urticaria can be treated with the antibiotic fexofenadine, which may also be used prophylactically to prevent recurrence."
 * "Photochemotherapy, or PUVA, has the upper hand over phototherapy ..." -> "is considered superior to" And needs a citation.


 * "Also set aside for intense cases are immunosuppressive drugs such as prednisolone and ciclosporin which have been known to be prescribed." Poorly constructed sentence.


 * "... which is why they are reserved for the worst of cases ." -> the most extreme cases.


 * "This technique is used to remove the blood plasma or fluid in the red blood cells and then return the cells to the body." Not an expert, but I doubt it removes the fluid from within the RBCs. Please verify and reword if necessary.
 * "... relief of the urticarial outbreaks for an extended period of time." How long?


 * "... induce urticaria by phototesting and using increasing amounts of differing wavelengths." -> "... induce urticaria by phototesting with increasing amounts of radiation of varying wavelengths."


 * " Finally, in 1942, Rajika became the ..." Take out the initial word "finally", because it implies that is where the history stops, which is obviously not the case.


 * In the epidemiology section the stats (4% and 5.3%) must have a citation at the end of that sentence.

Those are my thoughts about the article. I hope these suggestions help this article get to GA class. Good luck! Sasata (talk) 05:20, 10 March 2009 (UTC)