Wikipedia:Peer review/Sonic the Hedgehog (8-bit video game)/archive1

Sonic the Hedgehog (8-bit video game)
Considering slapping an FAC on this article, as I think it's pretty well-written and well-researched. All comments are welcome. Thanks! JOE BRO  64  14:50, 11 August 2018 (UTC)

Comments from ProtoDrake
There are some points that struck me. That's what stood out. Otherwise it's a great article that could well become an FA. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:03, 11 August 2018 (UTC)
 * The third footnote has a red link. Plus, outside of the Japanese title, I feel all notes should have accompanying references.
 * I actually added the redlink on purpose. WP:REDLINK encourages redlinking when the subject has potential for notability; Tomio Takami was an executive manager at Sega in the '90s and created the Sega CD, so I thought it might be useful. However, I've added sources to all the footnotes. JOE BRO  64  12:33, 12 August 2018 (UTC)
 * As the player progresses through the game, they will unlock all 12 Sonic games released for the Game Gear, including Sonic the Hedgehog.[16][15] - the citations are in the wrong order.
 * Fixed. JOE BRO  64  12:33, 12 August 2018 (UTC)
 * In the Reception section, several citations are in the wrong order.
 * Fixed. JOE BRO  64  12:33, 12 August 2018 (UTC)
 * You should also make sure all references are archived.
 * Done. I ran IABot and it hates me so it's not adding any archives, so I added the one I saw manually. JOE BRO  64  12:33, 12 August 2018 (UTC)
 * , thanks for the comments! I think I've resolved them all. JOE BRO  64  12:33, 12 August 2018 (UTC)

Comments from Cognissonance

 * Lead
 * side-scrolling platform game WP:SEAOFBLUE (it also appears in Gameplay) I suggest: "side-scroller and platform game"
 * 8-bit Game Gear and Master System consoles WP:SEAOFBLUE I suggest: "8-bit consoles Game Gear and Master System"
 * Add negative reception
 * Gameplay
 * Losing all lives results in a game over; if the player receives a game over, they must restart Avoid repetition and clarify: "Losing all lives results in a "game over" message; if so, they must restart"
 * exploration-focused Improve prose: "focused on exploration"
 * Development
 * 8-bit handheld game console WP:SEAOFBLUE
 * to the develop the game The first "the" is an error
 * from the Genesis version Avoid repetition: "from its Genesis counterpart"
 * "[keeping] in mind the [Genesis] version... and really focus[ing] on and [taking] that into consideration." Paraphrase: "with the Genesis version in mind"
 * He said the second and third phases were largely "He said" is unnecessary
 * Reinventing Sonic for 8-bit hardware was challenging For whom? If Koshiro, I suggest: "Koshiro thought reinventing Sonic for 8-bit hardware was challenging, as he did not work at Sega"...
 * the Genesis version's As the sentence already makes it clear it has to do with the soundtrack, 's is unnecessary
 * He ended up using only "only" can be read as WP:POV
 * Release history
 * (pictured) Unnecessary
 * Genesis original's 's is unnecessary
 * the PlayStation 2, and the Xbox Both PlayStation 2 and Xbox should be used without "the" preceding them
 * Reception
 * sound and visual quality that was just as good as the original version's Possible WP:POV: "sound and visual quality thought to be just as good as in the original version"
 * as visually appealing, fast, or as ambitious The second "as" is unnecessary
 * "considered" is used three times in the first paragraph
 * "felt" is used three times in the second paragraph

Good work. My latest GA saw placing citations in the middle of sentences as a problem, so fix this too. Good luck! Cognissonance (talk) 19:15, 11 August 2018 (UTC)

passing comments from czar
Just general feedback so no need to respond, nevertheless point-by-point (not watching, please )  czar  16:40, 12 August 2018 (UTC)
 * "ACE and Mean Machines feeling it was an experience that even those who owned the Genesis version could still enjoy" seems like tepid praise to back the prior clause that the game was acclaimed; also would separate the clauses into two sentences unless they will have a direct connection
 * Consider shuffling the first sentence to put emphasis on it being a companion game to the better known Genesis release, like something that this was designed for handhelds. I think it'd read better to answer common questions in the first paragraph: it's a handheld game, designed as a companion release, similar in style but reduced complexity to fit the smaller platform, made to promote the handheld versions. (Assume someone hit this page via Google instead of the 16-bit version and this person has never heard of Game Gear but has heard of Sonic—would they be able to grok that this is a reduced incarnation of the original from the first few sentences? Then a second paragraph could explain the nature of its relation to the Genesis release: what differs, what staying "faithful" to the original meant. Do you need the specifics on the re-releases in the lede? I'd summarize as saying it received multiple compilation and emulation releases and call out the important ones, not necessarily naming each title and platform.
 * I don't agree with the comments above re: sea of blue—I think your links are fine
 * You can recast to avoid the game over semicolon mentioned above
 * Lots of room for concision
 * I'd stack the refs that assert that the game was on par with the original—no need to repeat it multiple times
 * I recommend using r instead of, which makes wikicode easier to read, but your call
 * "Reviewers' most common criticism was of the relatively low difficulty and short length," this "most common" claim could use direct citations (mid-sentence citations are fine)
 * "most found the problems were overcome by the fun gameplay and its faithfulness to the original" all three sources make this specific conclusion, that the fun gameplay/faithfulness superseded its downsides? otherwise be careful taking liberties lest they become OR

A few more post-lead rewrite: czar 10:29, 15 August 2018 (UTC)
 * Is the nihongo needed in the lede? The game's known primarily by its English title
 * I would add "handheld" somewhere in the first paragraph. I don't have a complete sense of the difference between the Game Gear and Master System versions from the article—are they identical? If so, the way I frame the 8-bit version in my mind is as the "handheld version"—scaled down, more technical limitations, attempt to mimic something more feasibly done without those restrictions—and so would emphasize that angle, but you're more familiar with how the sources actually put it. I get that it would be inaccurate to call it the "handheld version" considering the Master System release, but I'd be curious if the sources didn't refer to it by that phrase anyway. To call it 8-bit vs. 16-bit instead, while accurate, seems too overly technical for a general audience.
 * To this point, I'd also call it "the handheld version" or, if necessary, "the 8-bit" version when possible throughout the article to differentiate "Sonic the Hedgehog" from its 16-bit connotation. (Every time I hit "Sonic the Hedgehog", I was still thinking of the 16-bit version even though I knew the article was about the handheld.)
 * year parenthetical needs comma per MOS:COMMA
 * "It is also available through Sonic-themed compilations and Nintendo's Virtual Console." → something like "It was later included in Sonic game compilations and Nintendo's VC" just to juxtapose between the original release and what came decades later
 * "to stop the diabolical Doctor Robotnik from imprisoning the animal population of South Island and turning them into robots" → "to rescue the imprisoned animals Doctor Robotnik plots to turn into robots", for concision, don't need the specificity, especially since it's a minor aspect of the game and isn't actually an animal rights plot
 * "Gameplay is similar, with Sonic collecting rings and avoiding obstacles, but is slightly slower and more focused on exploration." → "Gameplay is similar too: Sonic collects rings while avoiding obstacles, but is paced slightly slower as the handheld version focuses more exploration." For example
 * "minor criticism" → "some criticism" if "minor" is too OR
 * "It has been retrospectively considered" Passive voice makes readers skeptical of "it"—can mitigate by saying "Games journalists retrospectively considered ..."
 * "developed by Aspect Co." Not necessary for general audience in lead
 * "only Sonic game they developed." → "only Sonic game they would develop" if implying that it closed, or else, "they have developed" to imply that they haven't closed

Comments from Kelesis
Kelesis (talk) 21:54, 18 August 2018 (UTC)
 * I think the article is very good indeed, but the releases in the infobox could be improved by adding countries, and if possible, more exact dates.
 * this is a bit late. Unfortunately, most of the release dates for this game are unknown. The GG release date is the only exact one that has been verified as true (it comes from official Sega sources). The only exact release date for the Master System version known is October 10, 1991, but this is likely false because (a) it originated on Wikipedia and (b) Koshiro has stated in interviews the GG version was released first. JOE BRO  64  19:36, 20 September 2018 (UTC)