Wikipedia:Peer review/South Park (season 13)/archive1

South Park (season 13)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because Nergaal and I plan to pursue an FAC for it. I believe it's well sourced and comprehensive, but would like a thorough prose and grammatical review before I nominate it. Thanks! —  Hun ter   Ka  hn  04:32, 19 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Isn't this article currently up for GT nomination? Lemme guess, another FT? &mdash;Terrence and Phillip 08:55, 20 March 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: Very solid and informative. Here is a list of (mostly) nitpicks:-
 * According to MOS (see WP:LEAD, "The lead should contain no more than four paragraphs". You have five.
 * Unnecessary repetition of the year 2009 in first sentence
 * It should be pointed out somewhere that the "season" was two groups of seven episodes separated by a six-month gap. How such an arrangement can be said to constitute one season I have no idea, but I am not cognizant in this area.
 * Lead paragraph 3: Avoidable repetition of the words "thirteenth season".
 * The proper form appears to be "The Walt Disney Company" not "Walt Disney Company"
 * "generally positive to mixed reviews" is a bit of a double tentative. Probably "mixed reviews" is enough.
 * Emmy award: in all the references I have seen, the words "for Programming Less Than One Hour" are parenthesised.
 * "gets the B.J." This is an encyclopedia, so don't be coy. Spell out what he gets.
 * "...although nobody recognizes this and give credit to Barack Obama for the recovery of South Park's economy." "Give" is awkward here; should be "gives" to match "recognises", but that doesn't sound right either. So I'd reword, either as "and credit is given to..." or "nobody recognizes this and everyone give credit to..."
 * "Their performances more dramatic storylines and monologues than actual wrestling and stunt work, which nevertheless attracts a large audience of rednecks who believe the action is real" Is there a word missing after "performances", e.g. "contain", and "which nevertheless attracts" should be "but nevertheless attract"
 * "She secedes her president title to Cartman" You secede from things. I think in this case the word is "concedes"
 * "it was announced the series would be renewed for at least three more seasons and extending the series through 2011." Replace "and" with a comma after "seasons"
 * "Parker and Stone wrote and produced the thirteenth season' episodes" Is this is a typo for "season's episodes"?
 * "The thirteenth also continued..." I assume this should be "The thirteenth season also continued..."
 * "...World Wrestling Entertainment in particular, particularly highlighting..." Note the repetition
 * "Cartman expressed anger about long lines full of minorities and park employees speaking Spanish rather than English." Unclear. Is he expressing anger about two things, i.e. long lines (?) full of minorities AND about Spanish-speaking park employees?
 * "an charity single"?
 * "...the South Park boys set up for possible wrestlers for their professional wrestling league" The two close "fors" make for clumsy phraseology.
 * "The episode "Fishsticks" gained a particularly large amount of attention during the thirteenth season." Last four words unnecessary.
 * "reaired" looks like a made-up word, and looks all wrong, too. You might get away with "re-broadcast"
 * West's hurt feelings are dealt with in the "Critics" section and again in the "Celebrity reactions" section. Maybe keep it in one place?
 * The sentence beginning "The episode was scheduled to air in Spanish..." is too long, too many subclauses, needs to be split into two.
 * Use of hyphens for ndashes in the "Pretty much everyone..." quote.
 * "The season received the lowest viewership..." I'm not sure about "viewership" rather then "viewing figures", but in any event it should be "its lowest"
 * "In February 2010, "Whale Whores" was nominated for a Genesis Award in the television comedy." Something missing from the end of the sentence ("category", "section"?)

Please contact my talkpage if you wish to discuss any of these issues with me. Otherwise, good luck with the article wherever you take it. Brianboulton (talk) 20:51, 29 March 2010 (UTC)