Wikipedia:Peer review/South Stoneham House/archive2

South Stoneham House
I've listed this article for peer review because I think it broadly meets the FA criteria but I'd like some additional comments before I submit it for a full FA review.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, WaggersTALK  15:42, 12 September 2016 (UTC)

Comment from Dig deeper
I made a few changes to the lead. Overall looks pretty good. Please update the 7 dead links (indicated in ref section).Dig Deeper (talk) 21:00, 5 December 2016 (UTC)

Comments from User:KJP1
An interesting article, on an attractive building. A few thoughts.

Lede

 * I think the convention is not to have cites in the lede as all of the information it contains should appear in the main body of the article, and be cited there.
 * "The building is currently owned by the University of Southampton" - is "currently" necessary? I appreciate a change of ownership may be on the cards.
 * "The architecture of the existing structure has been attributed to .. " - "The building has" or even "It has"?
 * "..with the gardens and landscaping attributed to Lancelot "Capability" Brown, the house is close to the River Itchen and Monks Brook" - Do the second and third clauses connect, or should the third clause be a separate sentence?
 * "The manor was owned and occupied by a long series of families and people" - not sure what a "long series of families and people" is.  "The manor has had a series of owners, including...." perhaps?

All now ✅ Wa</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  11:32, 16 January 2017 (UTC)

History

 * "a Gregory de South Stoneham (or Gegory de Stoneham)" - Gregory in the second appearance? ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  13:54, 23 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "its design has been attributed to Nicholas Hawksmoor" - I wonder if a slight caveat would help the reader. HE/BLBO both say "almost certainly", quoting Pevsner (p=581).  But your sentence is entirely accurate. ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b  style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  13:54, 23 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "He was commissioned by George, Prince Regent to travel back to France while the two countries were at war in order to obtain a particular material the prince desired for a waistcoat" - not entirely sure this sentence is necessary to a history of the house. If it is, then "George, The Prince Regent", or just "The Prince Regent".
 * ✅. I agree it's slightly off topic for the house itself, but struck me as such an interesting little aside that I couldn't resist keeping it in. I suspect we will have to remove it for the article to reach FA status though, sadly. 13:54, 23 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "With Southampton being attacked, the halls of residence were also under siege" - Not literally! "At risk", perhaps?
 * Yes, that's much better. ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  13:54, 23 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "regarding the state of the building itself, with damp wardrobes, rusty bath plugholes, stained baths and generally "damp and squalid conditions"" - a little too much detail, perhaps? Maybe, "regarding the state of the building itself and its "damp and squalid conditions". ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b  style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  13:54, 23 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "The key part of the master plan is to refurbish and change the use of the Listed Building as a conference facility" - I understand it's a quote but should it be/is it "to a conference facility"?
 * I've changed it to "The key part of the master plan is to refurbish and change the use of the Listed Building [to enable it to function] as a conference facility.". <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  13:54, 23 January 2018 (UTC)

Architecture

 * "which is supported by an entablature decorated with triglyphs and modillions" - as a general comment, I wonder if the architectural detail is a little specialised at times. While you've provided links, three in one clause is asking a lot of the reader. "...supported by a decorated entablature"? ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b  style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:52, 25 January 2018 (UTC)
 * "The door itself is placed centrally with a coved, moulded architrave above and 45-degree corbels decorated with acanthus supporting a cornice with round brackets and a carved keystone. The door is glazed and a Doric porch of modern brick covers the doorcase." - A little more detail on the door than is required?✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:52, 25 January 2018 (UTC)

Grounds and gardens

 * "landscaped some time after 1722 by Lancelot "Capability" Brown" - is this a better source than the inaccessible Times?
 * Yes, I've kept the Times and added this one. HGT is an excellent resource. <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  11:17, 25 January 2018 (UTC)

Interior

 * The main quote is very long and may cause issues at FAC. Is it needed in its entirety?
 * "The interior is panelled to dado level" - surely not the whole of the interior? I think the HE/BLBO entry is referring to the staircase hall.
 * "an early 18th-century staircase" - Pevsner thinks it has been modified ""in part at least an original feature but which has almost certainly been remodelled."(p=582)
 * While we're on Pevsner, his description of the remodelling of the house over the centuries as "disconcertingly sensitive" making it difficult to know what's Hawksmoor and what's not, is rather nice and may be usable.

I think that's it. Hope it's helpful. Regards. KJP1 (talk) 17:09, 8 January 2017 (UTC)