Wikipedia:Peer review/Spider-Man/archive1

Spider-Man
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I did work to get this one up to GA, and I know it has the potential to eventually get up to FA. Any suggestions you can provide would be helpful (where to look, any books you know of). Anything else you think this article needs to really help it shine, be bold and speak up.

Thanks, BOZ (talk) 19:26, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This seems to be not too far from GA, here are some suggestions for improvement with GAN in mind, and FAC eventually. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * There are seven fair use images in the article, which does not seem to meet WP:NFCC. A lot of the images that are used are also fairly pedestrian - I was surprised that there were some fairly iconic images of Spidey that were not used - the half Peter Parker face / half Spiderman space when his Spidey sense is tingling, or the upside down pose with crossed legs (which also appeared in the film) or perhaps the black suit / Venom.
 * The lead needs to be a summary of the whole article per WP:LEAD. As an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. However the comparisons to Robin and Bucky are only in the lead, as is the EMpire Magazine award (as two examples).
 * Comment: The first sentence needs to be more specific. "Spider-Man is a fictional Marvel Comics superhero" is not enough because there's nothing in this sentence that makes spider-man unique from every other Marvel superhero. What's missing from this sentence is why he's notable. // Gbern3 (talk) 19:36, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * MOS:HEAD says not to include the name of the article in the headers, so "Non-Marvel versions of Spider-Man, and parodies" will have to be changed, perhaps to "Non-Marvel versions and parodies"
 * Parts of the article are quite well done, and other parts need a lot more work. For example the Creation and development section is really nice and well cited, but the Non-Marvel versions of Spider-Man, and parodies section is choppy, mostly unsourced and fairly poorly written.
 * Comment: I agree. I have a more detailed summary of this below. However, what's written below are my thoughts and may not necessary be comments that Ruhrfisch agrees with. // Gbern3 (talk) 19:36, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Article needs more references in many places. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
 * Agree, see below. // Gbern3 (talk) 19:36, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * Comment: Refs 9, 34, 35, 53, 55, 58 need cite web. Refs 44, 46, 47 cite video and ref 54 cite book // Gbern3 (talk) 19:36, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * The article uses cquote but according the documentation at Template:Cquote this is for pull quotes only, and this should probably use blockquote instead.
 * The Commercial success section seems sporadic in its coverage for a history - the Creation and development section was very thorough, but the history is less clear after that. The relative lack of material might also be a WP:WEIGHT issue.
 * I do not know of any other sources on my own, but I note that a quick look on Google Scholar finds a fair number of title that look possibly useful - see here

Gbern3 comments: I think your lead was an appropriate length in relation to the size of your article. Other than the tweaks needed that were already mentioned above, I thought it was a very good introduction the rest of the article. I also LOVE how you separated the footnotes from the references. I really don't like when they're in the same list. I think separating them looks so much cleaner. I also saw how you followed WP:SS policy with main article links at the top of some sections. I didn't find fault with any of your photos. I'm not a comic book person so I was only concerned about whether or not they were fair use. I checked them all. As long as there's no copyright violations or deletion tags, I'm OK with it.


 * General:
 * I know spider-man was in the new avengers but why is the original avenger's template at the bottom of the article if spider-man was not in the original? You already have four templates. I don't think the article would be lacking w/o a the fifth one especially since there's no links to this article within it. I doubt this is a wiki policy issue. Just my opinion.
 * In the "see also" section, do you need a link to the Bibliography of Spider-Man titles and List of Spider-Man comics since your templates already direct people to these articles? Part of the purpose of templates is to replace the "see also" section WP:NAV
 * Part of your infobox looks odd because the abilities/powers section is bulleted compared to the other sections which have uniform formatting. I think it would look better if you made the abilities section look like the team affiliations section. The abilities would still appear one after the other, just w/o the bullets and with the same indentation as the rest of the infobox. Again, not policy but my opinion.
 * Peter Parker's name should not be in bold font MOS:BOLD. Changed my mind.
 * This article needs the attention of a good copy editor. I found a lot of comma splices throughout the entire article and some sentences that were four lines long. Here's a link to a list of volunteer copy editors. I mentioned some of the comma splices and long sentences below but not all. User:Tenebrae has done a lot of editing today but I did not check to see if it was grammatical editing or factual editing.


 * Creation
 * "Stan Lee was casting about for a new superhero idea." Suggestion: "Stan Lee was looking for a new superhero idea.
 * "In his autobiography, Lee cites the non-superhuman pulp magazine crime fighter The Spider as a great influence,[4]:130 and in a multitude of print... so often he has become unsure of whether or not this is true." - This sentence is too long. Four lines is too long for one sentence. A period needs to go somewhere in the middle.
 * "He said that the idea for Spider-Man arose from a surge in teenage demand for comic books, and the desire to create a character with whom teens could identify." - This is an example of the comma splices I saw. Most of the time there was a comma put before "and". You don't need a comma here.
 * "Simon, in his 1990 autobiography, disputed Kirby's account[,] asserting that Black Magic was not a factor[,] and that he (Simon) devised the name "Spider-Man" (later changed to "The Silver Spider")[,] while Kirby outlined the character's story and powers." - There isn't a need for any of the commas I put in brackets.
 * Kirby's given reason that he was "too busy" to also draw Spider-Man in addition to his other duties seems false[,] as Kirby was, in Evanier's words, "always busy." No comma needed here.
 * There are a couple places in this section where the ending quote mark was in front of a period like this --> ". It should be placed after --> ."
 * In the last paragraph of this section you have four quotes that are not sourced.


 * Commercial success
 * "In reviewed the sales figures for that issue and was shocked to find it to have been one of the nascent Marvel's highest-selling comics." - I didn't know what nascent meant until I looked it up on the Internet. I would suggest replacing it with another word or wikilinking it per WP:JARGON policy.
 * Interesting history about comics code being revised b/c of a spider-man comic. Do you have a source for this? There was a reference for Nixon asking for an anti-drug msg and a reference for issues selling anyway in the face of this code but there was no reference given about the code being revised. If this reference is suppose to prove what you typed is true ---> "The issues sold so well that the industry's self-censorship was undercut[1]:239 and the Code was subsequently revised." then it should appear at the end of the sentence rather than the middle. Here's one from the examiner (www.examiner.com/x-19312-Columbus-Comic-Books-Examiner~y2009m8d17-Comics-101-What-is-the-Comics-Code-Authority?cid=exrss-Columbus-Comic-Books-Examiner) and another from Google Books here If you like these sources use the cite news or cite book templates.
 * "A third series featuring Spider-Man, Web Of Spider-Man, launched in 1985[,] replacing Marvel Team-Up. By the end of 2007, Spider-Man regularly appeared in The Amazing Spider-Man, New Avengers, Spider-Man Family... the alternate-universe tween series Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane, and the alternate-universe children's series Marvel Adventures Spider-Man and Marvel Adventures: The Avengers." - Another very long sentence. Please split up into two or three sentences.


 * Fictional biography
 * Other long sentences and comma splices.


 * Powers and Equipment
 * "Brilliant, Parker excels in applied science, chemistry and physics. The character was originally conceived by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko as intellectually gifted, but not a genius." - Suggestion: "The character was originally conceived by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko as intellectually gifted in applied science, chemistry, and physics but not a genius."
 * "(This mechanism ejects an advanced adhesive, releasing web-fluid in a variety of configurations, including a single rope-like strand to swing from, a net to bind enemies... He can also weave the web material into simple forms like a shield, a spherical protection or hemispherical barrier, a club, or a hang-glider wing.)" - This is a lot of information to put in parenthesis. I suggest either putting it in the notes section or taking off the parenthesis all together.


 * Enemies
 * "It is revealed that Spider-Man has new enemies in New Avengers." - It would be helpful to add who revealed it and when it was revealed because that isn't made clear in this section.


 * Supporting characters
 * "The comics detail his civilian life and family, friends, and his romances. Spider-Man is most famous for; however, his super-heroic adventures." - Suggestion: "The comics detail his life as Peter Parker including his family, friends, romances, and career. However, Spider-Man is most known for his super-heroic adventures rather than his civilian life."


 * Cultural influence
 * "On May 25, 1981, Memorial Day, high-rise firefighting and rescue advocate Dan Goodwin, in an attempt to call to that cause..." - What cause? I think you should specify this in the first sentence. I was lost because I thought maybe the cause was a memorial day related thing but later in the section it says that Dan Goodwin made a promise to a sick child who was a fan of spider-man to climb the buildings. Was this the cause? Whatever the cause is, it should be made clear.
 * "Spider-Man garnered major media coverage with the revelation of the character's secret identity..." - I think you should reiterate why his ID was secret even if you only put it in parenthesis. When I first read this I thought to myself doesn't everyone know spider-man is peter parker? Then I remembered about that deal he made with Mephisto.


 * Non-marvel versions
 * This section needs more inline citations. There are some statements that aren't cited.


 * In other media
 * This section needs more citations as well.

Those are my thoughts. I hope they're helpful. // Gbern3 (talk) 19:36, 26 September 2009 (UTC)