Wikipedia:Peer review/St. Xavier's College, Mumbai/archive1

St. Xavier's College, Mumbai
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I have managed to rewrite this article. suggestions will be appreciated.

Thanks, Xavier449 (talk) 08:47, 30 October 2009 (UTC)

Always nice to see work on topics, like this one, outside of the usual areas. Most of the problems I see in this article are with subtle points of English use, e.g. I'd venture it is better to say St Francis Xavier is "the 16th century Spanish Jesuit saint", & not "a 16th century Spanish Jesuit saint" -- "the" because we are using the listed qualities to define a specific person. I fixed a few of these points, but there are many which remain. (Are there Wikipedian copy editors who can help with a project like this?) -- llywrch (talk) 18:44, 5 November 2009 (UTC)
 * llywrch comments:


 * Redtigerxyz's comments
 * "St. Xavier's College has been rated among the top ten colleges in India year by year." This is a dated fact. The fact may be irrelevant after few years. State when was the ranking done by whom.
 * The whole Invocation is WP:UNDUE IMO.
 * WP:PEACOCK terms (glorification): These are claims of the college, may or may not be true. Explicitly state that they are claims of the college (WP:POV of the college) or view of say the NAAC.
 * "The College strives to form men and women, especially Christians and the marginalised, to build a more just and humane world. The intellectual endeavour it strives for, focuses on critical and creative thinking, with the aim of social transformation. This endeavor is inspired by the values of the Gospel - from the New Testament of the Christian scriptures - while it appreciates and promotes all the other religions, especially the rich religious heritage of India. The College seeks to give an all-round formation for the marginalised, inculcating both human and spiritual values."
 * "The College also takes measures to upgrade the skills of non-teaching staff by conducting workshops and training programmes during vacations, and conducting sessions on personality enhancement and financial management."
 * What proves the accuracy of File:Layoutcampus.gif, state the reference for the image.
 * "The St. Xavier's Villa in Khandala is a property of the college nestled in the hills of the Western Ghat mountain ranges, about two hours from Mumbai. It provides facilities for retreats, seminars, and educational conferences." is positioned out of place in Campus para. Re-organize the information in terms of a clearer distinction between the main campus and other facilities like cricket pitch, Khandala villa which are not in the main campus.
 * "On 18 July 2009, United States Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton visited the college on her Mumbai trip as part of the college's 140th anniversary. She conducted an interactive session with its students regarding academics and education." is out of place in "Alumni and popular culture"
 * Instead of Random subpage something similar to Indian image rotation can be used. -- Redtigerxyz Talk 04:48, 6 November 2009 (UTC)


 * There are people willing to do copyedits listed at WP:PR/V Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:54, 6 November 2009 (UTC)