Wikipedia:Peer review/State Military characters of Fullmetal Alchemist/archive2

State Military characters of Fullmetal Alchemist
I decided to relist this here for additional feed back before attempting a run at featured lists. This is the second time that this article has come through peer review, the previous archieve is here. TomStar81 03:25, 29 June 2006 (UTC)
 * Nominator’s Note: I am enrolled in summer school, so if it appears that I am slow to respond here it probably means that school work has me tied down. TomStar81 03:32, 29 June 2006 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, Andy t 15:33, 29 June 2006 (UTC)


 * The article needs to better establish in our universe why these characters are important (see WP:FICTION). Right now, I hardly see anything in our universe. From my own experience, you might have difficulty in establishing out-of-universe significance for many of them. The most important ones (presumably Mustang, Hawkeye, Pride, etc) warrant a paragraph or so, but others probably only an entry on a bulleted list. A less radical first step would be making the second sentence of the lead the first sentence. Just a few things that popped out at me: Try to incorporate the trivia into the actual sections; people seem to frown on trivia sections: You need actual citations instead of just explanatory notes. Titles like "Crimson Alchemist" probably should be in parentheses and unbolded (they're meaningless if you haven't seen the show). "Black Hayate" seems a little confused, nor especially relevant for its length. The speculation about "Storch's" name could use a citation, right now it's just your word (on that, a general citation linking FMA names' to real-life ones would be useful). In lieu of citation, cut the speculation.--Monocrat 12:23, 1 July 2006 (UTC)
 * Actually, all of the name speculation needs to be nailed down more precisely, like with inline citations. State Alchemists are refered to either by their real name or thier alchemic name, so me thinks that they should remain bolded, although the parenthases idea sounds good. I do not think that the lesser characters shold have a simple bullet list of their achievements, due in large part to the fact that the manga series is still running, so more information on those characters may become available in the future. In fact, it is entirely possible that one of the minor anime characters could become a major manga character. I will look into the rest of your suggestions as time permits. TomStar81 19:33, 2 July 2006 (UTC)
 * Citations would be great, but if you can't find a source, they're fair game for deletion per WP:OR, and the FLC would rip uncited speculation apart. About minor characters: just because they could become important doesn't mean they will. For the time being, consigning them to a bullet list makes sense and would cut down on that longish TOC. To further cut down on the TOC, would it be possible to organize personnel by function or broad rank (staff officers, field officers, NCOs, enlisted?) or some such, using only dictionary list format for the individual characters? In any case, the article itself lacks any sort of organization apparant to a non-fan, so something should be done to bring clarity. As a last resort, perhaps alphabetize entries by surname?--Monocrat 00:23, 3 July 2006 (UTC)
 * I was actually thinking about retooling them so they appear in the order of their anime introductions. TomStar81 04:44, 5 July 2006 (UTC)
 * That would be better, but I'm still unsure how useful it would be to an uninformed reader.--Monocrat 13:24, 7 July 2006 (UTC)