Wikipedia:Peer review/Stephen Sondheim/archive2

Stephen Sondheim
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'm trying to improve it's quality. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Phaeton23 (talk) 17:16, 4 August 2011 (UTC)


 * Images. There are images of Sondheim here: Hirschfield illustration (see also this); as a very young man and many other photos. More images: here.  More Hirschfeld images And some explanation.   None of these are free images, so you would need a fair use summary, which is very difficult to make with a living person.  The article would have to *discuss* the image so that you could make the case that the image is necessary to illustrate something in particular that is discussed in the article.  See Non-free content criteria, especially criterion #8.  Ooh!  THIS might be a free image.  -- Ssilvers (talk) 18:46, 4 August 2011 (UTC)

Having failed to follow up my comments at the earlier PR I shall do so here in the next day or two. Tim riley (talk) 19:09, 12 August 2011 (UTC)
 * from Tim riley

I hope these few points are useful. On the whole the article contains most of what one would hope to see, and is generally well referenced. General point: there are a lot of short paragraphs, some of which could with advantage be combined to help the flow of the prose. Tim riley (talk) 08:35, 19 August 2011 (UTC)
 * Jamie or Jimmy Hammerstein? You use both names in the article.
 * "Sondheim agreed, and despite frequent dissonance and a highly chromatic style, his music remains resolutely tonal" – citation needed
 * "Ironically, Sondheim has expressed his dislike of movie musicals" – be careful with "ironic" or variants – as my favourite style guide has it, "Do not use when what you mean is strange, coincidental, paradoxical or amusing (if you mean them say so, or leave the reader to decide.)"
 * "In 1954…" - two "London's" in successive sentences. Clunky.
 * "and a full British premiere with the new songs due in 2009" – and did it take place?
 * "He has said that this is the one project he has regretted" – bit of a tease to say this but not to say why he regrets it.
 * "To fans, Sondheim's musical sophistication is considered to be greater than that of many of his musical theatre peers, and his lyrics are likewise renowned for their ambiguity, wit, and urbanity." – Wholly POV unless you can find a respectable citation
 * "Notably, the score was mostly composed" – if it is notable then you don't need to say so (and if it were not notable it oughtn't to be here)
 * "the most non-traditional" – a bit effortful: why not "the least traditional"?
 * "Sondheim—Prince" – en dash, not em dash needed here
 * [24][25][26][27][28] – overkill on the references here, surely?
 * "Sondheim's more "traditional" scores" – why the quotation marks?
 * "performance flop. "Merrily did not succeed" – opening quotes before Merrily seem to be a typo
 * "Pacific Overtures (1976) had music" – why does this show get a second write-up? It is already covered four paras earlier
 * "Weidman would also write the book for Road Show" – does that mean he wrote it? The subjunctive is confusing.
 * "Sondheim was asked to translate Mahagonny-Songspiel, although he did not state the time."– What does this mean?
 * "female sculptor" – the word"sculptress" exists for just such a use