Wikipedia:Peer review/Super Bowl Most Valuable Player Award/archive1

Super Bowl Most Valuable Player Award

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make it a featured list. Over the last several days, I've performed extensive work on the page, and I now want to get an outside opinion before sending it to FLC. Prose comments are most welcome, but any constructive criticism would be helpful.

Thanks,  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 01:39, 11 January 2009 (UTC)


 * Comments from Apterygial

If prose comments are welcome, here I am. I like to give back.


 * "The Super Bowl Most Valuable Player Award, or Super Bowl MVP". "Super Bowl MVP" could probably be in bold as well.
 * Done.
 * Do the media make their votes during the game or after? If the latter is true, it would make more sense to mention after the fans' choice.
 * They do vote after the game; at least I think they do. I did swap the order, although I don't know if the fan vote, which counts for just one-fifth of the total, should be emphasized.
 * At least a couple of non-breaking spaces need adding (after percentages, for example). Se WP:NBSP for one of the most confusing parts of the MOS.
 * I added them for the two percentages that I saw. I remember Sandy saying somewhere that dates should have a non-breaking space between the month and day, so I added them as well.
 * Any link for "wireless devices"? That could (at a stretch) be anything.
 * I think that is high-tech slang for cell phone, so I just changed it to say cellular phones.
 * "Fans" is a bit of an iffy word. I'm not keen on it, and ultimately it is up your discretion, but I prefer "audience" or "viewers".
 * The one issue I see is that those words seem strongly connected to television. Theoretically, someone could just follow the game online and vote there. I saw four instances of fan in that paragraph, and changed two: one to "viewers" and one to "viewing audience".
 * "From 1967 to 1989, the Super Bowl MVP was presented by Sport magazine;[3] Bart Starr was the MVP of the first two Super Bowls." This can be split into two sentences at the semi-colon, as the two elements are not completely connected.
 * Done. I might move the second sentence later, though.
 * On second thought, I'm leaving it where it is. That part describes the early days of the award, and I feel that is the best place to mention the first winner. FLC reviewers like that in award lists, if I'm not mistaken.  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 02:18, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
 * "At Super Bowl XXV, the league first awarded the Pete Rozelle Trophy, named after the former NFL commissioner, to the Super Bowl MVP;[4] Ottis Anderson was the first player to win the trophy.[5]" Again here. There is no real reason to link the sentences.
 * Done.
 * "The most recent Super Bowl MVP was Eli Manning, who was named the most valuable player of Super Bowl XLII, held in February 2008." I saw that match! I found it very confusing.
 * On a more serious note, the precise date would probably be more useful here.
 * Done.
 * "The MVP has come from the winning team every year except 1971, when Chuck Howley won the award after the Dallas Cowboys lost Super Bowl V to the Baltimore Colts." While strongly implied, it might be a good idea to explicitly state Howley played for the Cowboys.
 * Changed it to "when Dallas Cowboys linebacker Chuck Howley won the award despite the Cowboys' loss in Super Bowl V to the Baltimore Colts. Will look at the rest later, but I have a game to watch right now. Thanks for the detailed review!  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 18:04, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm wondering about the lack of sourcing in the third paragraph of the lead, after you've sourced the first two. This is my first review of a list, so I'm not completely sure what I should be expecting here.
 * Added two sources in the lead. Usually, sources aren't needed if facts are covered in the list, but a couple sources won't hurt anything.
 * Bradshaw and Brady's image captions are fragments.
 * Removed full stops from both. I never can tell which captions need them and which don't.
 * Is this something I should be concerned about?
 * That's a known flaw in the link checker. It always does that with CNN websites, including Sports Illustrated.
 * Dabs: (as Sandy would say). Randy White.
 * Got it.
 * Incoherent, no context, background etc (which means 1a). I'm not impressed by the level of detail. Writing things in sequential order and adding many details does not = FL; it does not even = coherence (though it lends a surface air of coherence). ;)
 * I don't even want to go there.  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 21:48, 11 January 2009 (UTC)

I had to look really hard to find those, and some could just be my opinion and you are in no means bound to make those changes. As I said, my first list, so I didn't evaluate the list itself. I can answer any further questions you may have, although my experience with American football is alarmingly limited. Aptery gial  12:26, 11 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments from  (undent) Are you under the impression that coaches can win the award? Otherwise, I still don't understand what the problem is. It does always go to the MVP (player) of the NFL Championship Game (Super Bowl). Can you tell me exactly how should I be phrasing this? Maybe that would make it clearer to me.  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 20:11, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * The winner is chosen by a panel of media members at the game, and by a fan vote during the game. - "panel of media members" isn't really helping to explain who they are. Is there a link to this term, or can an elaboration be given as to what it means?
 * I'll have to ask the NFL project. I wanted to include a breakdown of how many voters there are, but the articles I've found online seem outdated.
 * After finding an NFL source from last year, I changed it to "a panel of 16 American football writers and broadcasters". The one problem is that the source doesn't explicitly state who the media people are. It just says "on-site media members". If that is an OR concern, I can just change it back. The NBA All-Star Game and Finals MVP FLs say "media members" anyway. At least I found out how many voters there are.  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 02:18, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
 * From 1967 to 1989, the Super Bowl MVP was presented by Sport magazine; - well the name of the magazine is Sport Magazine, so why isn't it linked that way here?
 * Actually, it was SPORT, it all caps. I remember because I was receiving it monthly when it went under in 2000. I don't think the magazine was part of the title, at least not when I was getting it.
 * The Super Bowl Most Valuable Player Award, or Super Bowl MVP, is an award presented annually to the most valuable player of the Super Bowl, the National Football League's (NFL) championship game. - I don't know, but something is telling me that you should place (MVP) after the word "Player" in the title -->"Super Bowl Most Valuable Player Award". Also, in this same sentence it states that the award is for the MVP of the Super Bowl, yet Eli Manning has not played in the Super Bowl yet, so maybe something can be stated that the award doesn't always goes to a team playing in the Super Bowl--Truco 15:26, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * He did win it—last year. I don't think he'll be doing the same this year, sadly. :-((( MVP is now defined where you suggested.  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 21:48, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Well maybe we can win it for you :D, but that aside, is there are way to state that the award doesn't always go to a player in the Super Bowl game, seeing how it happened to Eli this year.--Truco 22:25, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * But it does, by definition. Why would you think otherwise?  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 23:42, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Because that's what the intro sentence says "The award is given to the MVP of the NFL's Championship game."--Truco 00:55, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Are you trying to say that I should drop that?  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 03:26, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * No, I'm saying it should be stated also that the award is not always given to a player who played in the NFL Championship Game (Super Bowl).--Truco 03:43, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * I'm sorry, I got the dates mixed up. I though Eli had won the award for this year's season already without playing at the SuperBowl, so forget about my suggestion, it was my fault :)--Truco 22:13, 12 January 2009 (UTC)


 * You don't need to have MVP in parentheses followed by MVP, otherwise it is an excellent list. Reywas92 Talk  23:06, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
 * It should be because MVP is used throughout and is a secondary name, so it should be in acronym form to help the reader understand.-- Tru co  01:37, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
 * I agree with Reywas92 here. The acronym is given in the second bold section, so there is really no point mentioning it in the first bold section. Aptery  gial  02:02, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
 * Removed per majority view here. If this is a problem, there are other ways that I can make it work.  Giants2008  ( 17-14 ) 21:29, 13 January 2009 (UTC)