Wikipedia:Peer review/System 6/archive1

System 6
This peer review discussion has been closed. I have been working on this article for the past week, quickly bringing it to GA standards. I'd still like to do more to it, so any feedback would be great.

Thanks, Wackymacs (talk) 16:24, 25 April 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: An interesting article, since FA is the next step after GA (congrats by the way), I will base my suggestions for improvement on FA criteria. Most of these are fairly nit-picky: References seem fine, overall good and hope that this helps, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:15, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
 * A model article is often useful - Windows 2000 is a FA and may give some ideas
 * The lead is too short per WP:LEAD and should be expanded - my rule of thumb is that any section header should also be mentioned somehow in the lead
 * Watch for choppy sentences - in the lead It was released in 1988 by Apple Computer. It was part of the Mac OS line of operating systems. could be combined as It was released in 1988 by Apple Computer as part of the Mac OS line of operating systems.
 * Avoid unnecessary repetition - the lead says ... it was succeeded by System 7 in 1991. then four sentences later we learn The last version of System 6 was released in 1991.
 * If this were at FAC I would ask about the history of System 6 - what preceded it, who developed it, why did they do so, etc.? There is a Version history table later, so the history of the system itself could be covered too.
 * Very hard to do - pretty much impossible. That sort of data was not documented back in those days. Apple was less open and much more secretive. I couldn't find any information on who engineered System 6 or when the project was started. — Wackymacs (talk) 08:28, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * OK, but even a section on System 5 and the problems with it that this addressed might help - presume the Mac literature of the day talked about that, even if the company was tight-lipped. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 13:18, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Several places seem not to be cited - references will be needed for all pragraphs in FAC. Examples MacroMaker was not compatible with System 7, which used AppleScript instead. or the last three sentences of Multitasking
 * I really did not get what Font/DA Mover did, especially the Font part
 * I added another sentence to this paragraph. — Wackymacs (talk) 08:28, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Parts of User interface seem more like they belong in Limitations
 * The tense seems odd - is it past or present? Pick one and be consistent (I think I would use past as it is no longer commercially available). Examples: System 6 had several significant limitations... but System 6 also has a hard drive capacity limit; it supports up to 2 gigabytes...
 * Fixed. — Wackymacs (talk) 08:28, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Seems fairly short for FA - also a bit jargon-y (see WP:JARGON).
 * Can you elaborate? (point out which words in which sections/paragraphs are classed as jargon). I'm a technical person, so to me nothing really sticks out as jargon when it comes to tech. — Wackymacs (talk) 08:28, 30 April 2008 (UTC)
 * I am still not 100% clear on the Font/DA Mover, and also am not sure what tear-off menus are. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 13:18, 30 April 2008 (UTC)