Wikipedia:Peer review/Tablighi Jamaat/archive1

===Tablighi Jamaat=== This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because i wanted an independent opinion. I need feedback specifically on
 * NPOV
 * Any more possible pictures
 * Language, good or not.
 * Any suggested restructuring
 * Any sections that need expansion
 * Any new sections needed?

Thanks, —  Hamza  [ talk ]  11:08, 8 March 2010 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/Tablighi Jamaat/archive1.

You've asked for a peer review specifically tailored to the list above. I will try to keep my comments focused on these issues.
 * First off I would recommend that you have someone who is more familiar with the subject do a thorough copy edit of the article. While the writing is good there are several basic grammatical mistakes that I have found.  Unfortunately I am not an very familiar with this subject so it is hard for me to make the very focused and appropriate edits the article needs.  I'll give you some examples of what I have found thus far:
 * "The emergence of Tablighi Jamaat (TJ) represented the intensification of the individual reformation aspect of original Deobandi movement."

Since the "Deobandi movement" is a proper noun there should be a "the" before "original". I found a few instances where the "the" was missing from proper nouns in the lead.
 * "Muhammad Ilyas, the founder of a Jamaat, wanted to set forth a movement that would exemplify the Quranic decree. "Let there arise out of you a band of people inviting to all that is good, enjoining what is right, and forbidding what is wrong. They are the ones to attain felicity."

Do you mean founder of Tablighi Jamaat? If not then what do you mean by "a Jamaat"? Also it is incorrect the end the sentence with "...the Quranic decree." There should be a comma, and then the quote.
 * "Initially it expanded its reach to South Asian diaspora communities, firstly in Arabic countries, and then in Southeast Asia. The first foreign missions were sent to Hijaz and Britain in 1946.[17] Before entering Europe, the movement first established itself in the United States. It established a large presence in Europe during the 1970s and 1980s. In 1978, construction of the Dewsbury Markaz in Dewsbury, England commenced which subsequently became the European headquarters of Tablighi Jamaat. Introduced in France in 1960s, it grew prominently in during 1970-80s.[18] The members of Tablighi Jamat are also represented in the French Council of the Muslim Faith"

There are a couple of issues here: first these sentences jump all over the globe with very little cohesion. Go chronologically or geographically or in some sort of order. There just doesn't seem to be much organization to how you're describing how the movement expanded. Second, what are Arabic countries in South Asia? The wikilink for Arabic is Arab, which is to an article about people of Arab decent. The map in the article confines these people to the Middle East and North Africa. Is the Middle East considered South Asia? If so that's news to me. Perhaps instead of "Arabic countries" you could say "Arab communities" or "ethnic Arabs in Southern Asia". Just a suggestion.
 * I'm not sure you're using the word, "jurisprudence" correctly. The word usually has a legal connotation rather than a strictly religious one.  You use the word frequently throughout the article and I am concerned that it is mistating what you're trying to say.  Here is an example:
 * "Every member is allowed to follow his own jurisprudence as long as it does not deviate from Sunni Islam."

Perhaps instead of "jurisprudence" here you could say, "belief system". Jurisprudence just doesn't seem to fit at least not in all the instances you have used the word. It's found frequently in the lead as well.
 * Regarding images: is there an image of the founder or notable members? Could any be uploaded?  I know that Islam really frowns upon an image/photo so if there isn't that's understandable.  I note that there is an image of Ziaur Rahman in his article, perhaps that could be used?  Just wondering.
 * Regarding POV, I'm concerned about this statement:
 * "...and lacked the necessary acumen required to resist the overbearing cultural and religious influence of Hindus"

Using a word like "overbearing" has a negative connotation. In the context of the sentence I don't even think a different adjective is required. Simply remove the word and see if the sentence conveys what you want it to convey.
 * Regarding section expansion I think the Beliefs and objectives section could be expanded. To the lay person they will not know what the fundamentals of Sunni Islam are.  A brief explanation would be in order even if Sunni is linked.  Also what are Tablighi activities?  This could be spelled out as well.  More to come.  H1nkles citius altius fortius 22:22, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
 * "individual jamaats" What is a Jamaat? Can this be explained somewhere for non-Muslims?  Same can be said for "da'wa work".  What is this?  Watch use of jargon in the article.  I see you define Jamaat in the next section, consider moving that definition up since you mention Jamaat earlier.  I have to step away so I'll sign off but I'll be back to complete the review.  H1nkles citius altius fortius 17:26, 18 March 2010 (UTC)
 * It seems to me that the Six principles should be in the Beliefs and objectives section rather than the Organization section.
 * "The duration of work is depends on the discretion of individual jamaats which generally spans from either an evening, three days or to years."

This sentence is poorly worded. Suggested rewording: "The duration of the work depends on the discretion of each jamaat.  A trip can take an evening, a couple of days or even years."
 * Please review WP:NBSP. It discusses the use of non-breaking spaces between numbers and units of measurement.  I've added a couple in the Khurūj section, please check throughout the article.
 * Sometimes Tablighi is capitalized and other times it isn't. Is this intentional?
 * "...an 18 acre mosque near 2012 Olympics park...."

Make sure you have the correct name for the Olympic park. Overarching comments:
 * The quotes in the Allegations of terrorism section need to be more complete. These are not even complete sentences.  The problem is the credibility of the quote, which is damaged when it is only a sentence fragment.
 * The picture of a pumping station next to the site where a mosque is to be built is a little tenuous. I'm not really sure that the connection to the subject is strong enough to warrant the image.
 * Overall I think the article is fair and balanced, I don't see much problem with POV issues.
 * You asked specifically about it's readiness for GA candidacy:
 * Please do not take offense at what I'm about to say, it appears as though the article is written by someone for whom English is not their first language. I note from your user page that Arabic is your native tongue is this correct?  For the most part your vocabulary is good, the issue is a lot of small grammatical mistakes that degrade the overall quality of the article.  I recommend you submit this article to a native English speaker who is familiar with the subject and who can do a thorough copy edit.  I see this as the greatest weakness of the article right now.
 * I think the links in references 34 and 45 are dead, please check and fix if this is the case.
 * Make sure that all magazine and newspaper titles are italicized in the References section. I'm thinking of Daily Times as an example.
 * Overall your references look pretty credible and the formatting is ok, a few inconsistencies but nothing that would disqualify you from GA.
 * I would have 5 or 6 external links max, 12 is too many.
 * I would also try and expand the section about TJ being linked to terrorist organizations. That's a pretty big deal and your treatment of the subject is a bit sparse, especially the rebuttal.  Three quotes is all you have to rebut the argument that TJ is linked to terrorism.  Not enough in my opinion.  I note there is a main article on the subject but a few more sentences wouldn't hurt.
 * The lead is four short paragraphs, consider combining into three and I think you need to add something about notable members.
 * There's a template in the Celebrated members section from June of last year, this should be addressed.
 * Overall I think it has the potential of being a Good Article. Check the GA Criteria for a guide on what is needed.  Keep up the good work and feel free to contact me on my talk page if you have any specific questions or concerns.  H1nkles citius altius fortius 18:40, 18 March 2010 (UTC)

Checklist
Thanks H1kles. Very positive critique. Simply excellent work. Following is the checklist that i am creating to address your concern. I'll and check/omit bullets as i work on them
 * Copy Edit
 * Chronology in expansion section
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneWord 'Jurisprudence' 
 * Sorted out in this edit.


 * Images
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DonePOV statement Pictogram voting keep.svg Done
 * Word 'overbearing' removed.


 * Expand Beliefs and objectives section
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneJargon
 * Sorted the words 'jamaat' and 'da'wa' —  Hamza  [ talk ]  04:57, 29 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Pictogram voting keep.svg Donenbsp
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneTablighi or tablighi
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneSix principles section location
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneCorrect name for olymic park
 * I am not sure about the park name. But i've searched on internet and on google earth; the park being referred here is only known as 2012 Olympics Park. Is there any park by this name? Or is it just the general reference to the location? —  Hamza  [ talk ]  05:08, 19 March 2010 (UTC)
 * As near as I can tell it's called the "Olympic Park", close to what you have in the article. Here's a reference: Review of Olympic Park development.  Also on WP you can go to Venues of the 2012 Summer Olympics or Olympic Park for more information.  H1nkles citius altius fortius 14:52, 19 March 2010 (UTC)
 * Renamed and linked to Olympic Park, London. —  Hamza  [ talk ]  07:13, 20 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Pumping station image
 * Tried to hunt alternate images. In vain. Should i remove the image? —  Hamza  [ talk ]  07:30, 20 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Quotes in terrorism allegations section.
 * Get it read by a native english speaker.
 * Point well taken. I'll get it checked.—  Hamza  [ talk ]  04:59, 19 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneReference 34 and 45
 * Relinked. I've changed the ref 34 from 2009 to 2004. Newspaper removed the 2009 news item page. Ref 45 relinked from the original publication website.—  Hamza  [ talk ]  04:59, 19 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Italicized newspaper names
 * I generally use the cite button which automatically puts date in the cite tag. It is not italicizing the publisher name by default. Should a change be made to the cite template or should i individually italicize all newspaper names? —  Hamza  [ talk ]  05:11, 19 March 2010 (UTC)
 * In the cite template the "publisher" is not italicized while the "work" is italicized. So check the site usually the work is the name of the magazine or the newspaper while the publisher is the company that owns the periodical (does that make sense?).  Also this usually isn't an issue for GAC, more for FAC so I wouldn't make a big deal out of this for the GA Review.  H1nkles citius altius fortius 15:01, 19 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneTrim external links
 * Trimmed. Kindly check. Mention your concerns here.—  Hamza  [ talk ]  04:59, 19 March 2010 (UTC)
 * Much better well done. H1nkles citius altius fortius 15:02, 19 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneFour → Three para lead section.
 * Pictogram voting keep.svg DoneCN template
 * Couldn't find reference; Sentence removed. —  Hamza  [ talk ]  07:39, 20 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Expand terrorism allegations section
 * It was long enough few months back, but many editors suggested to trim it. I think I've trimmed it more than required. So I'll build it back up a little. —  Hamza  [ talk ]  05:18, 19 March 2010 (UTC)

End. —  Hamza  [ talk ]  04:50, 19 March 2010 (UTC)


 * The Quranic verse mentioned twice.
 * There is a verse mentioned in History section which is mentioned again in the beliefs and objectives section. Any suggestions regarding that? —  Hamza  [ talk ]  07:06, 20 March 2010 (UTC)
 * I'm not going to be at a computer for the next couple of days, I'll try and address your questions when I return. H1nkles citius altius fortius 14:46, 22 March 2010 (UTC)