Wikipedia:Peer review/Tarja Turunen/archive1

Tarja Turunen
This peer review discussion has been closed. Tarja Turunen is among Ville Valo and Tuomas Holopainen one of the better known finnish artists. The article has about 1200 views per day. Copy edit has been done recently by User:Diannaa. I'd like to nominate it to GA status later on. Would greatly appreciate any helful hints and comments.

Thanks, Pass3456 (talk) 20:37, 14 May 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye toward GAN and perhaps FAC.
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there are many biographies of musicians at Featured_articles
 * There is a toolbox on this PR page - the external links checker in it finds one dead link which will need to be fixed before GAN.
 * The MOS says to use the person's full name on first use, then generally to refer to the person by just their last name thereafter. Exceptions are two or more people with the same last name in an article and people known by their first names. This article uses both Tarja and Turunen to refer to its subject. If she is best known as just Tarja (it should say that in the lead, it true) then just use that. If not, then use Turunen.
 * First off, the lead is supposed to be a summary of the whole article. As such and per WP:LEAD and WP:CITE the references are usually not in the lead, but rather in the body of the article. It is OK to have refs in the lead, and they are required for direct quotations and extraordianry statements. However, most reviewers either like the lead cited for everything or (more commonly) just for direct quotes and extraordinary staments. This is somewhere in between.
 * Problem sentences from the lead She is best known as an original member and the former lead vocalist of Finnish symphonic metal band Nightwish, which she founded with Tuomas Holopainen and Erno Vuorinen in 1996. [2] Tarja is also well-known as a professional classical singer. Their combination of hard and fast guitar riffs with Tarja's classical lead vocals quickly aroused the enthusiasm of critics and audiences.[2] Note that refs are probably not needed in the lead (as above) and if they are there, need to follow punctuation directly (not after a space as in the first ref). I think I would rewrite the first sentence to be something like She is best known as the former lead vocalist of the Finnish symphonic metal band Nightwish, which she founded with Tuomas Holopainen and Erno Vuorinen in 1996. Founding implies she was an original member and this is tighter. The other problems come in the next two sentences: Tarja is also well-known as a professional classical singer. Their combination of hard and fast guitar riffs with Tarja's classical lead vocals quickly aroused the enthusiasm of critics and audiences.[2] The first sentence is about here solo career as a classical singer. What then is the antecedent of they in the last sentence (clearly it is the band Nightwish, but the sentence is not clear as written). The use of "aroused" seems a bit unencylcopedic too.
 * The lead is supposed to be a summary fo the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but I don't see anything on her register in the lead, and there is little on reception/
 * There is relatively little that I could see in the article on her personal life as an adult - this may be a problem as GAN as the article criteria include broad in its coverage. Would definitely be a problem at FAC (where articles are supposed to be comprehensive in their covereage of their subjects)
 * Make sure to include details to help provide context to the reader - for example, Early life does not include a single year - when did she move to Kuppio, for example?
 * In With Nightwish the article mentions a second demo, but not a first.
 * What year did she start at Hochschule für Musik Karlsruhe?
 * Links could be better incorporated into the text - for example After the last concert of the Once Upon a Tour on October 21, 2005 (End of an Era), Holopainen gave Turunen a letter signed by himself and the other band members ... could be something like After the last concert of the Once Upon a Tour on October 21, 2005 (which was released on video as "End of an Era"), Holopainen gave Turunen a letter signed by himself and the other band members ...
 * The artiocle uses the quote template for several block quotes. The MOS in WP:MOSQUOTE says that block quotes are supposed to be at least 4 lines long or more than one paragraph, but on my monitor almost all of the quotes are only one or two lines long. I would just incorporate most of them into the text directly.
 * Biggest problem as I see it is the Eglish. While it is understandable, it is a bit stilted and would benefit from a copyedit.
 * I do not see the need for the Live performances section - the article talks about her live performances throughout her career, so it seems needlessly repeptitive to have this section. I checked only the first sentence of the section Tarja performed live at the Savonlinna Opera Festival for the first time in 1998, singing songs from Richard Wagner and Giuseppe Verdi. which is basically a repeat of the information in the With Nightwish section ''That same year, Turunen performed at the Savonlinna Opera Festival for the first time, singing songs from Richard Wagner and Verdi.[14]
 * Also watch WP:OVERLINKing - the rule of thumb is to link opnce in the lead and once in the body of the article, but Wagner and Verdi are each linked twice in the body.
 * I noticed many of the sources are either to Nightwish's own website or hers - wherever possible, try to use sources that are reliable third-party sources, independent of the subject
 * Nice images, ref formatting seems OK on a spot check
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:42, 1 June 2011 (UTC)