Wikipedia:Peer review/Techno Cumbia/archive2

Techno Cumbia
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like the article to be a WP:GA. It already went through a c/e from WP:GOCE also a good friend of mine c/e one section.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  02:01, 14 October 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This still looks kind of rough to me. Here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to WP:GAN.
 * I went to Youtube and found the video for this song and listend to it / watched the video. Since the article lead did not say, I somehow assumed the song was in English, but the lyrics are almost all in Spanish. This is a pretty important distinction, especially since this is the English Wikipedia, so I would mention it in the lead, and early in the body of the article.
 * "Techno Cumbia" is not a Spanish-language word, in the booklets the English translation is "The Techno Cumbia". So do you want me to say "is a Spanish-language song by American Tejano pop singer Selena"? Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * I think that somewhere in the three paragraphs of the lead the article should say that the song's lyrics are mostly (almost all?) in Spanish. Then I would also say this in the body somewhere - to me I would say this where the lyrics are discussed. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 15 November 2011 (UTC)


 * I think the normal usage is just to say "mixed the song" (not "audio mixed the song") in ...and produced by Quintanilla and Brian "Red" Moore, who audio mixed the song.
 * Awkward and unclear sentence It was released in the United States for the Tejano and Contemporary Latin radio stations and as a promotional single in the United States and Mexico on December 26, 1995. First off, aren't promotional singles sent mostly to radio stations (and clubs) anyway (so why is this presented as two separate things)? Second, and more important, this seems to contradict what the Release section says "Techno Cumbia" was released to radio stations in late October 1994[15] and as a CD single and cassette single on December 26, 1994 in the United States.[3] (the CD single and casettee single were for sale, which is not the case for promotional singles).
 * I fixed the lead. However, this single was not released as a "physical single" so it is ineligible for the Hot 100. Secondly, the cardboard box reads "for promotional use". Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * That is not what the article says. In the Release section it says (and I quote): "Techno Cumbia" was released to radio stations in late October 1994[15] and as a CD single and cassette single on December 26, 1994 in the United States.[3] The Recording Industry Association of America did not issue any certifications for the single, as it sold poorly;... Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 15 November 2011 (UTC)


 * Need to explain some things the average reader will not know about. Two examples from the lead - most readers will not know what cumbia is. Although it is linked, a brief explanation would help. Second, in this sentence In the recording studio, Los Dinos helped with back-up vocals and Quintanilla performed a rap verse in the middle of the song. the average reader will have no idea who Los Dinos were and again a brief explanatory phrase (Selena's band) would help to WP:PCR.
 * I would make sure the lead is a clean overview of the whole article without too much unnecessary detail - chroma key is mentioned once in the body of the article - does it have to be in the lead? (Just one example)
 * Despite the copyedit, the language is still rough - just in the lead this is awkward too According to Billboard, "Techno Cumbia" was believed to be the earliest template of pop-cumbia-rap fusions. What does "template of pop-cumbia-rap fusions" even mean? How about According to Billboard, "Techno Cumbia" is one of the earliest pop-cumbia-rap fusions.?
 * Did you want me to clarify what Billboard had claimed? If so, I'm not really sure myself! When I found this claim I wasn't sure what it had meant, never knew there were other "pop-cumbia-rap fusions" songs. Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * I did not check the original source before - now I see that it says "During her heyday, Selena established one of the early templates for pop-cumbia-rap fusions with her hit 'Techno Cumbia'...". Sometimes it is best just to quote the original. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 15 November 2011 (UTC)


 * Or this makes no sense The song has been covered by many artists, most notably by Banda El Recodo, who both recorded it in homage to Selena during the Selena ¡VIVE! tribute concert held on April 9, 2005. what does "both" mean here? One band is named. Plus do we really need the date of the tributre concert in the lead? Also usually artists perform a song live in concert and a recording may be made of this performance and released - but again is this level of detail needed in the lead?
 * All participants at the event had recorded a studio version of the cover song and sang it live during the event. So would "The song has been covered by many artists" instead of stating the "most notably" or an example which seems WP:OR since no source indicates which cover is "more popular" right? Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * The word "both" still makes no sense in the original. The original sentence in the article says that the recording was made during the live performance ("recorded it ..during the Selena !VIVE! tribute concert"). Now you say it was recorded before the concert - which was it? Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 15 November 2011 (UTC)


 * OK, moving on to a few other issues in the article body itself... the lyric content paragraph is way too detailed - give the most important points of the song lyrics, not every detail.
 * I think you cut it back too much ;-) The Beyonce song is a good model - it has lots of technical detail and comments on the song by critics. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 15 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Nothing should be in just the lead - the lead says she performed the song in every concert of the Amor Prohibido concert - the Live performances section does not really say the same thing (just that it was performed on the tour - not in every concert).
 * I also think this section has some needless detail - why do we need to know what other songs she performed (or did not perform) at specific concerts? Keep the focus on this song.
 * My rule of thumb is to try to go from the general to the specific - so in Live performances I would say that the song was performed at every concert in the tour, then talk about specific performances during the tour, then other performances like the tv show.
 * If you quote a critic / author and this person is not well known, say who they are or what they are writing for - so for example identify this woman as the author of a book on Selena and others Sara M. Misemer, wrote that "Techno Cumbia" reminded her of Guillermo Gómez-Peña's suggestion that "...cultures are being superimposed",... (and the ref says there are two authors of the book - are you sure this is the one author to quote here?
 * Background and development describes two videos for this song, then talks about "the video" - which one is meant? Also the video synopsis seems overly detailed...
 * I'm not sure what you mean by "two music videos"? There was only one, which was released posthumously. Also, Irreplaceable's synopis is as big as this one. I know WP:OTHERSTUFF is not a valid argument but I will trim it :) Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Despite the many peer reviews I have done about Selena, I am not sure when she died. I read The music video for "Techno Cumbia" was filmed from August 3–5, 1995... and then a few sentences later read EMI Records created a posthumous music video in honor of Selena, including songs; "Dreaming of You", "I Could Fall in Love", "I'm Getting Used To You", "Tú Sólo Tú", "God's Child (Baila Conmigo)" and "Missing My Baby", from the album.[33] so I thought there were two videos (one made before her death and another after). My mistake, but this points out that the article is unclear. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:54, 15 November 2011 (UTC)


 * Most of the Legacy seems like it could be in reception (Billboard book) or is of marginal connection to this song (what her borther did later)
 * Will move there. Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:39, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * I have what I could and left some comments. Best,  Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  20:37, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
 * I finished most of the concerns. I'm gonna have to work on the composition section a bit further. I'll ask someone who is very familiar with music notes that could help me expand that section similar to Irreplaceable. Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  18:23, 15 November 2011 (UTC)