Wikipedia:Peer review/Tenacious D/archive4

===Tenacious D=== This peer review discussion has been closed. I submitted this for FA a bit too soon (I have asked for the FA nom to be withdrawn). I would like to be able to submit this for FA after addressing any concerns here. Please help me sort this out for style, and any other improvements.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks a lot, Tenacious D Fan (talk) 12:19, 3 April 2008 (UTC)

It is still open and located at Peer review/Tenacious D/archive4.

Hope that lot help. The Rambling Man (talk) 16:27, 7 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Comments from
 * I'd expand the lead a bit. The article is long enough to need larger paragraphs in the lead.
 * "on HBO" - explain for non-experts so "American cable channel HBO" (or whatever's appropriate to HBO).
 * "(2004 – Present)" - present (uncapitalised) would be better to meet WP:HEAD.
 * "Tenacious D performing during their 2006-2007 tour" caption should use en-dash not hyphen for year separator.
 * Order citations numerically, there's an [8][7] at the moment.
 * If possible and where appropriate, place the references per WP:CITE which encourages immediately after punctuation.
 * "the NBA's New York Knicks.[7] - decided by the audience of the band's" - something's gone awry here, possibly a failed closed reference?
 * Don't put spaces between the years in the headings and the en-dash.
 * "Cross, with the writer " - Use Cross' full name as it's the beginning of a new section.
 * " ten- to twelve-minutes" hyphens not required.
 * "Although the critical reaction to the album was varied,[28] by November, 2005, it had achieved platinum status in the US." the "it" in the second sentence would naturally relate back to the reaction, not the album.
 * Demon doesn't need to be capitalised.
 * "This was followed by the second single, "Wonderboy", the music video of which was directed by Spike Jonze. A third video was made for Fuck Her Gently an animation depicting Black and Gass as cherubs by John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren and Stimpy." is uncited.
 * "The full tour band." isn't very descriptive but at the least you need to remove the full stop as it's a fragment sentence.
 * Same with "The Devil Card." - no full stop.
 * First two paras of Film and television have no references.
 * "Tenacious D 'playing' the Sax-a-boom live." - lose the full stop again.

Thanks a lot for that. I'll mark out what I have addressed below:


 * "This was followed by the second single, "Wonderboy", the music video of which was directed by Spike Jonze. A third video was made for Fuck Her Gently an animation depicting Black and Gass as cherubs by John Kricfalusi, the creator of Ren and Stimpy." is uncited.
 * Cited. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 14:37, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "the NBA's New York Knicks.[7] - decided by the audience of the band's" - something's gone awry here, possibly a failed closed reference?
 * Sorted out, moved a better cite in. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 14:59, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "(2004 – Present)" - present (uncapitalised) would be better to meet WP:HEAD.
 * Done Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:00, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "The full tour band." isn't very descriptive but at the least you need to remove the full stop as it's a fragment sentence.
 * Removed full stop and made more descriptive. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:04, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * Same with "The Devil Card." - no full stop.
 * Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:04, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "Tenacious D 'playing' the Sax-a-boom live." - lose the full stop again.
 * Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:04, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * " ten- to twelve-minutes" hyphens not required.
 * Dealt with. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 15:06, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * First two paras of Film and television have no references.
 * Reorganized, and sorted. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:17, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * Demon doesn't need to be capitalised.
 * Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:19, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "Although the critical reaction to the album was varied,[28] by November, 2005, it had achieved platinum status in the US." the "it" in the second sentence would naturally relate back to the reaction, not the album.
 * Reworded for accuracy. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:20, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * Don't put spaces between the years in the headings and the en-dash.
 * Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:26, 8 April 2008 (UTC)


 * "Cross, with the writer " - Use Cross' full name as it's the beginning of a new section.
 * Done. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 16:26, 8 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from
 * Current ref 36 (Tenacious Joes: Album) is lacking a publisher. Also, what makes this site reliable? (I know you love that phrase so much) It looks like a fan site. Any way you can cite this information to say Amazon or a big retailer?
 * Current ref 43 lacks last access date and publisher information. I'd ask on the reliable sources notice board about using IMDB for box office totals. I lean towards this one being okay, but better to get a second opinion.
 * The current ref 45 (UK Albums chart) Just takes you to a search page, not the results. Also what makes this site reliable?
 * Double check with the reliable sources notice board about using BoxOffice Mojo. Current trends seem to say that it's reliable, but better to get a second opinion.
 * http://www.popmatters.com/pm/tv/reviews/5125/the-mtv-video-music-awards-2006/ I'm not convinced yet that PopMatters is the best site for some of the information you're sourcing to it. Is there no official site for the awards?
 * Figured I might as well get these in before you come back to FAC. I didn't review for prose or photos, so those may be a problem still.

Thanks for the contribution.
 * Current ref 36 (Tenacious Joes: Album) is lacking a publisher. Also, what makes this site reliable? (I know you love that phrase so much) It looks like a fan site. Any way you can cite this information to say Amazon or a big retailer?
 * Agreed. The piece of information was not vital, and the cite has been removed. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 09:00, 12 April 2008 (UTC)


 * The current ref 45 (UK Albums chart) Just takes you to a search page, not the results. Also what makes this site reliable?
 * Good point. You can only link to search page (ie you can't link to results). This site has been accepted by a lot of FA discography pages as a valid cite as well. Tenacious D Fan (talk) 09:00, 12 April 2008 (UTC)