Wikipedia:Peer review/Tenacious D/archive5

===Tenacious D===
 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I am keen to nominate this for FA status but recognize that this still has flaws. I am confident about the content, but feel that some of the sentencing and ordering could be improved. Any comments would be appreciate, and I will act on suggestions. Thanks, Tenacious D Fan (talk) 14:21, 28 June 2008 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/Tenacious D.


 * From

Hi there. I don't know much about the band other than who's in it, so I'll just provide MOS and typo type comments.


 * " - the name used by sports commentator Marv Albert to describe the NBA's New York Knicks tenacious defense -" Again, spaced ndash or unspaced mdash. Check the rest of the article for similar offenses
 * Look at the sentence without the dahsed part: "Later they chose the name "Tenacious D" as chosen by the audience at the band's first live show,". The repeated chose/chosen reads clumsily. Also, who did chose the name? No comma needed at the end there, either.
 * Redone


 * "David Cross, with the writer Bob Odenkirk from Mr Show," → "...with Mr Show writer Bob Odenkirk". You can also say "Cross" without repeating his first name if you wish.
 * Done


 * "The series, entitled Tenacious D, premiered in 1997, immediately following an episode of Mr. Show." Might be worth mentioning which network, and wikilink it.
 * Done


 * "The series was canceled after, according to Gass, HBO offered Tenacious D ten episodes, but in doing so, they would have to relinquish their role as executive producers." → "According to Gass, the series was cancelled after HBO requested ten episodes, but in doing so, they would have to relinquish their role as executive producers." HBO don't "offer" episodes, as they're the network. They more likely put in an order for ten, or requested ten. Make it clear who had to relinquish their exec-prod roles; Cross and Odenkirk, or Black and Gass.
 * Made it clearer; added your sentence


 * "The majority of the songs on the album, which was produced by the Dust Brothers,[1] were performed previously on their short-lived HBO television series." Switches from plural to singular, to plural context awkwardly. Don't wikilink HBO again, as it should be done in the previous section relating to the TV show
 * Reorganized sentence


 * "the album had achieved platinum status in the US." "United States" on first use
 * Done


 * "Splendid magazine", or Splendid Magazine, or Splendid magazine?
 * I have removed all reference to Splendid and gone for some well know publications


 * "well -- for the first few listens...." Again, don't use hyphens, and especially double-hyphens in place of n- or m-dashes. Use an ellipsis (…), too.
 * Removed


 * " - a fictional portrayal of the beginnings of the band -" WP:DASH
 * Done


 * "It was released on November 22, 2006" It should state whether this is the movie or soundtrack, as both are discussed in the previous paragraph
 * I changed the context to this. I think it is much clearer.


 * "and reached number eight on the Billboard 200 in the U.S.,[44]and number ten in the UK." Too many "ands". A space is needed after reference 44. "U.S." should be "US", as "UK" is used in the article. And "UK" here should be "United Kingdom" for its first use.
 * All done


 * "The film was released on DVD on February 27, 2007." Which region? Why is the date not wikilinked? There's been a recent rule change in the MOS regarding this. Either wikilink all dates, or no dates in the article. I still prefer to see them wikilinked, but it often creates a sea of blue, so it's not always a good idea.
 * Done


 * "In an interview on the Daily Show 30 November 2006, Black admitted the film had "bombed"" At worst, this should be "In an interview on The Daily Show on November 30, 2006", (itallics for TV show, "The" is part of the show's name, and the date was in international format). At best, do the same, but cite episode should also be used at the end of the sentence.
 * Done


 * "a performance of "The Metal", [84]" Remove the space between the comma and reference
 * Done


 * I've just seen "users—making" and "first-time drug offenders—single mothers" so make sure that the hyphen offenses mentioned above are changed to mdashes, rather than spaced ndashes
 * Done

That's all I have, I think. Hope some of it helped. Poke my talk page if you want a follow up. Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 05:51, 2 July 2008 (UTC)