Wikipedia:Peer review/Tennessee Celeste Claflin/archive1

Tennessee Celeste Claflin
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it was an assignment in my Women's History class. Though class ends today I want feedback on how I did as it might entice me to do more Wiki writing in the future.

Thanks, Blizzardbaby (talk) 20:42, 20 December 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this - it looks really good for a first article and I hope you stay and contribute more. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 05:55, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there are many Featured Articles which are biographies - perhaps Mary Shelley would be a useful model? Another feminist who knew the famous of her day
 * The lead does not really follow WP:LEAD and needs to be expanded. The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article.
 * Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself
 * My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but no mention of Vanderbilt is made in the current lead, for example. There is also no mention of her work as a medium / clairvoyant
 * Reading the article it is good to see it using sources, but I am afraid it uses too many direct quotations. The relevant policy and guidelines here are WP:NFCC and WP:COPYVIO. The important thing is to use the sources, but to put most of the material into your own words. As it stands, using too many quotes violates copyright (as the article becomes almost a copy and paste job, sometimes called a "quote farm")
 * Please note that it is OK to keep some quotes - I try to pick the ones that are most colorful / useful / memorable and parphrase the rest of the material.
 * The article needs to provide context to the reader - see WP:PCR. Where did she meet Vanderbilt? When? Although he is linked, giving a sentence or two on his background would help to give context too. I also do not understand the whole Vanderbilt will aspect - what would she have testified about and how would it have changed things for the probate of the will?
 * Or when did she marry the first time? Ialso think it helps to give ages sometimes - she was almost 40 years old when she became Mrs Cook
 * Seems odd that her inheritance from a British nobleman is given in US dollars
 * In general it helps to tell a story in chronological order - this seems jumbled
 * Avoid WP:OVERLINKing
 * Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful.
 * Books should give the author, title, publisher, date, and page numbers. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * I would try to find out more about the images for use in the captions - can the approximate year be given, for example?
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)