Wikipedia:Peer review/Terrible Towel/archive1

Terrible Towel

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I recently took three days to completely re-write the entire article, I am hoping to get it up to GA status. Comments on anything are welcome.

Thanks,  Black  ngold29   17:56, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: This is a lovely article; please tell me it isn't a joke at the expense of us gullible Brits. Assuming that it isn't, here are some points for consideration: I really enjoyed the article. Spend a little more time on it and it could be really good. Brianboulton (talk) 21:03, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * Article shows signs of carelessless in preparation - lots of typos, misuses of commas and apostrophes, mis-spellings etc. I have fixed a number of these, but I'm sure there are more. The text wants going over, slowly, by a skilled copyeditor who will iron out some of the awkward phrasing.
 * I ran the whole article thourgh MS Word and corrected all of the mis-spelled words it caught.  Black  ngold29   23:13, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The lead coud be expended, so that it becomes a summary of the whole article. Within the lead, assertions that the Towel is recognised "throughout the world" should be toned down.
 * What was the trouble with FCC that was avoided by the decision to have black towels?
 * Wikipedia requirements for ndashes and nbsps are generally ignored in the article. Suggest you check protocol for dashes use in football scores, e.g.28-10
 * Is the 93–yard to be an n-dash also? I think it looks kind of silly, but couldn't find an example on the dash article. It is a figure dash now.  Black  ngold29   22:02, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * There is a tenses conflict in this sentence: "Even while the Steelers struggled through the 1980s, the Towel has remained a large part of the franchise". (First clause past, second clause present)
 * The heading "Similar gimmicks and opposition" is confusing, and doesn’t work. Suggest you replace it.
 * "Hate the Yankees Hankies" were once distributed… – what actually was distributed? Hankies with "Hate the Yankees" on them? Or something else, with "Hate the Yankees Hankies" on it? Please clarify.
 * The reference doesn't go too far in depth on it. I would assume it was basically what it is entitled; an anti-Yankee hanky (say that five-times fast). A Google seach didn't turn up anything new, it obvoiusly didn't catch on. I expanded it some, but if you think it should be eliminated I will.  Black  ngold29   22:32, 14 June 2008 (UTC)
 * The quote towards the end which ends "Not Affectionately" needs a specific citation.
 * Unless otherwise stated, all issues have been addressed.  Black  ngold29   05:36, 15 June 2008 (UTC)