Wikipedia:Peer review/The Bad Girls Club/archive1

The Bad Girls Club
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like the article to be at WP:GA status

Thanks, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  17:55, 22 September 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Thanks for your work on this article. Although I'm no expert on the content, I can see that the prose problems here are too numerous to count. The article in its present condition would have no chance at GAN. Here are some specific suggestions:

Lead


 * "The show centers seven mischievous and rebellious women from different backgrounds... " - Missing word? Perhaps you mean "centers on".


 * "The cast, who are deemed "bad girls", are asked to maintain and respect rules applied to them before moving in a luxurious mansion and lifestyle for three months." - Are they asked to follow those rules before moving in or after they move in? There's a difference.


 * "are chronicalized and recorded" - "Chronicalized" is not a word. Perhaps you mean "chronicled".


 * "The format of the show changed from antecedent seasons." - The meaning of this is unclear. Do you mean "from one season to the next"?


 * "If any rule breaches... " - A rule can't breach. Do you mean "if a bad girl breaks a rule, she... "?


 * "there have been six complete seasons' " - No apostrophe needed here.


 * "The show is broadcast in five different countries worldwide." - "Worldwide" is redundant. You don't need it. Come to think of it, you don't need "different" either.


 * "The Bad Girls Club received negative criticism from television critics because of its pro-violence and addiction from adolescents who emulate the show." - Do you mean "because they think that it promotes violence and drug addiction among adolescents who watch the show"?


 * "from cast-members who spewed comments and opinions" - "Spewed" seems too strong because of its association with vomiting. Maybe something like "issued"?


 * "There has been three spin-offs... " - Subject-verb disagreement. "Have" is what you want here.


 * The above list of prose problems in the lead is not complete, and similar problems occur throughout the main text. My suggestion is to fix as many of these problems as you can and then seek help from the copyeditors at WP:GOCE.

Other


 * The heads and subheads should normally avoid repeating the main words from the article title. Something like "Airings and locations of the Bad Girls Club" would be better as "Airings and locations". MOS:HEAD has details.


 * The Manual of Style suggests using blockquotes rather than fancy quotes like the big blue ones around the creed. WP:MOSQUOTE has details.


 * The date formatting should be consistent throughout the main text and tables. In the first table, you use a format like "April 24, 2007", but in the second table you use "6 December 2006". I would stick with the first format throughout.


 * Nothing should be linked in a direct quotation since it was not linked in the original.


 * The "Spin-offs" section has too many stubby subsections. I would try to find a way to combine them.


 * The date formatting in the citations should be consistent.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 20:56, 9 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * Awww I was hoping that I took care of the prose if I had used "bigger" words :) Thanks for the review, I'll fix everything and re-read the article making sure it makes sense. I'll also request it at GOCE. Thanks, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  00:29, 10 October 2011 (UTC)