Wikipedia:Peer review/The Blackening/archive1

The Blackening
This is an article on an album, going for FA hopefully. Any comments welcome.

Thanks, M3tal H3ad 08:25, 5 November 2007 (UTC)

LuciferMorgan
Comments; " Flynn describes "Clenching the Fists of Dissent" as the most difficult song to construct" - "describes" should be changed to "described". Also, what does he mean when he says "the most difficult"? Does he mean in comparison to other songs on the album, or songs on the band's back catalogue? LuciferMorgan 00:55, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

"Flynn believes the band was naive about the length songs" - Sentence needs reworking. LuciferMorgan 02:02, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Not sure how i would do this? M3tal H3ad 04:04, 8 November 2007 (UTC)
 * The phrase "length songs" doesn't make sense. "Length of the songs" does, or "songs respective lengths" for example. LuciferMorgan 10:06, 8 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Oh right, i thought you were referring to the whole sentence. fixed now, thanks M3tal H3ad 10:32, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

"Flynn produced four songs for the record and felt the experience as a team captain had improved his ability at producing, which helped with The Blackening and the cover version of the Metallica song "Battery"." - This is bit of a long sentence. Split it into two, with the word "producing" being the cut off point for the first sentence. LuciferMorgan 02:04, 6 November 2007 (UTC)

"Nathan Bray attempted to perform CPR on Dimebag, Erin "Stoney" Halk, Jeffrey "Mayhem" Thompson and officer James Niggemeyer, who killed Gale.[10]" - I don't understand what the sentence is meaning to say. LuciferMorgan 02:30, 6 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comments. M3tal H3ad 04:04, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

J Milburn

 * Something they may well pick up on at FAC- does the album cover image really need to be that big?
 * Does 'Special Edition Cover' need to be capitalised like that?
 * The total guitar review is lacking a link, or even a footnote.
 * "most difficult track to produce as it had up to 90 tracks at one point." Is there any other way of saying that? The repetition of 'track' may throw some readers, especially those who are not musically minded.
 * Iconoclast links to a DAB page. What is it? A magazine? Some explanation, and a better link, would be nice. Also, does it need to be in italics?
 * A reference in the caption of the music sample would be nice.
 * "the songs "Beautiful Mourning," "Halo," and "Now I Lay Thee Down."" I think the punctuation should be outside the quote marks- the punctuation isn't part of the song title.
 * ""Now I Lay Thee Down" features a Romeo and Juliet-esque love story, "Slanderous" deals with hate that still exists throughout society and "Wolves," addresses the band's competitive 'winner take all’ spirit'.[11]" Again, punctuation in song titles, and what have I missed with the last inverted comma?
 * "William Grim for the Iconoclast titled 'Aesthetics of Hate: R.I.P. Dimebag Abbott, & Good Riddance'" Again, bad link, no italics, and shouldn't the article title be in "______" instead of '______'?
 * ""Now I Lay Thee Down" features a Romeo and Juliet-esque love story," Romeo and Juliet should be italicised, and a link would be nice.

That's all for now, I'll review further when you reply to those points. J Milburn 23:26, 7 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Thanks for that, will change the size of the cover now. M3tal H3ad 04:01, 8 November 2007 (UTC)


 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 12:48, 8 November 2007 (UTC)

Ok, some further observations-
 * The caption of the picture of Flynn says he was surprised at how well the album did, yet it doesn't mention that in the prose, nor is there a reference.
 * "difficult song as "its all got to be super tight..." What's our policy of grammatical/spelling errors in direct quotes? I think if he wrote it, (blog entry, forum post, something like that) we should use [sic], otherwise, I think we should correct it. Not certain of that though.
 * You've left another link to the Iconoclast DAB page, in the lyrical themes section.
 * "Rock Sound magazine reviewer Eleanor Goodman awarded the album a 9," Rock Sound should be in italics, and it should probably be said what the mark was out of. (Ten?)
 * "the album to Metallica's ...And Justice for All, but felt the" The album should be in italics.
 * "At the fifth annual Metal Hammer Golden Gods awards, The Blackening won "Best Album".[15]" Metal Hammer should be in italics.
 * "Rolling Stone reviewer Andy Greene and James Jam of NME responded to the album negatively." More periodicals that should be in italics.
 * "opus that sounds like three Load-era Metallica outtakes" Another album that is not in italics.
 * Burn My Eyes is mentioned twice in the article, but linked to only in the navigation box at the bottom. I would reccomend linking both the prose mentions as well.
 * "carving in the 1500's," Is that apostrophe needed? And do we have a picture of said carving? That would be nice.

That's everything I can see right now. Good work. J Milburn 21:12, 8 November 2007 (UTC)
 * Thanks, i will look for a picture of the carving but i doubt i will find anything. M3tal H3ad 05:47, 9 November 2007 (UTC)