Wikipedia:Peer review/The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011 film)/archive2

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011 film)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I would like for the article to satisfy the FA criteria. I'd like some feedback on the current state of the article. A previous peer review went unreviewed.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, —DAP388 (talk) 19:26, 27 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Comments from JS
 * The article seems to represent a big effort. The references are very complete. Generally it does not read very well. The lead section of the article is not really great. It gets bogged down in details about casting and obtaining rights, and which actor played what part, and finishes with what seems to be a minor award for "Best Film Editing" - maybe there is a positive spin being put on the film's success?
 * The long pieces of information about the main cast members in the Cast section should go into a section on "Casting" in the production. Bullet lists are not great things. They're unreadable for most people. Putting long paragraphs after each bullet point is clumsy.
 * There is an awful lot on the title sequence. Maybe this needs a lead paragraph to explain why we are going to go into so much detail about the title sequence. At the moment it starts with Tim Miller, creative director for the title sequence, wanted to develop an abstract narrative that reflected the pivotal moments in the novel, as well as the character development of Lisbeth Salander. which is sort of strange, why should anyone care about Tim Miller wants? This needs to be introduced somehow. Is the title sequence famous or noteworthy? Is Tim Miller someone to care about? If so then put that first, right at the beginning, so the reader has some idea why there is a page or so of writing about it.
 * The film's American release grossed $1.6M from its Tuesday night screenings - again this is kind of strange, why do I care about what the film grossed from Tuesday night screenings? Maybe some of this detail could be trimmed.
 * Since the film is an adaptation of a book and there is another film, I would sort of expect to say something about the other film/book.
 * Generally the article does not read very well, there is a very hurried feeling about it. It seems to be rushing to tell more and more things about the director and so on. For example,
 * Principal photography began in Stockholm, Sweden in September 2010.[20] Production mostly took place at multiple locations in the city's central business district, including at the Stockholm Court House.[21] One challenge was realizing the Vanger estate. They picked an eighteenth century French architecture mansion located a few kilometers southwest of Stockholm.
 * could be something like
 * Principal photography began in Stockholm in September 2010,[20] mostly at locations in the business district, including the Stockholm Court House.[21] An eighteenth century French architecture mansion a few kilometers southwest of Stockholm was used for the Vanger Estate.
 * Hope this helps. JoshuSasori (talk) 03:06, 28 August 2012 (UTC)