Wikipedia:Peer review/The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess/archive3

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has a potencial for becomeing an FA and makeing another legend of zelda games.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Saint Pedrolas J.  Hohohohohoh merry christmas 03:10, 31 December 2009 (UTC)
 * Question. Did you talk to Igordebraga before you made this Peer Review? He's been trying to make it a Featured Article twice. GamerPro64 (talk) 23:36, 1 January 2010 (UTC)

Yes-- Saint Pedrolas J. Hohohohohoh merry christmas 23:58, 1 January 2010 (UTC)

Kaguya-chan comments: *The entire first paragraph of the section "Wii transition" is unsourced
 * Kondo spelled as Kondō in Music section
 * Kaguya-chan (talk) 21:16, 5 January 2010 (UTC)


 * Done.-- Saint Pedrolas J. Hohohohohoh merry christmas 00:29, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is interesting and seems comprehensive. I have several suggestions for further improvement.


 * The link checker at the top of this review page finds two dead urls in the citations.
 * The "show-hide" box in the infobox causes overlap on my computer screen. Lines of type appear on top of one another; specifically, the release date information runs into the "show" button and overlaps "Action-adventure".
 * I don't think the Shadow Beast image is necessary for a reader to understand the material. Its fair-use rationale seems weaker to me than the other two.

Lead
 * "The title changed as development progressed, with the name Twilight Princess officially announced at E3 2005." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction, and E3 should probably be spelled out as well as abbreviated on first use. Suggestion: As development progressed, Nintendo announced a new title, Twilight Princess, during the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in 2005.
 * Spell out Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) on first use?
 * Explain that "T" stands for "Teen"? Not all readers will know what it means.

Gameplay
 * "Using Link's wolf senses, players can see wandering spirits and hunt for ghosts named Poes, which is not possible in his human form." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "Using Link's wolf senses, players can see wandering spirits and hunt for ghosts named Poes; they can't do these things when Link returns to human form".

Creation
 * "American sales of The Wind Waker were sluggish because the cartoon appearance created the image that the game was designed for a young audience" - Maybe "created the impression" rather than "created the image"?


 * "Aonuma's team had created the horseback mechanic with a realistic presentation" - I'm not sure what "horseback mechanic" refers to. Perhaps "Aonuma's team had created a way to present realistic horseback riding"?
 * "reveal to the public with a trailer" - Wikilink trailer?
 * "By emphasizing the two worlds and wolf transformation, the realistic Link was lacking." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "Emphasis on the two worlds and the wolf transformation had made the Link character unrealistic."

Wii transition
 * "Details about Wii controls began to surface in December 2005, when British publication NGC Magazine claimed that when a GameCube copy of Twilight Princess played on the Revolution would give the player the option of using the Revolution controller." - Missing word? The sentence doesn't make sense as it stands.

Music
 * To eliminate the one-sentence orphan paragraph at the end of the section, I'd suggest merging it with the paragraph above.
 * "Both six- and seven-track versions of the Official Soundtrack... " - "Official Soundtrack" without italics? Or, if it's not actually the title of anything, just official soundtrack with no caps and no quotation marks?

Technical issues
 * "execution of custom code from an SD card" - Spell out as "a secure digital (SD) card" on first use"? Ditto for ELF in the next sentence?
 * It might helpful to explain why anyone would want to execute custom code from an SD card. What would their goal be?

Reception
 * In the PAL region, Twilight Princess is the best-selling Zelda game ever." - Would it be helpful to include a brief explanation of what PAL stands for?

Notes
 * Some of the citations are incomplete. For example, citation 27 lacks the date of publication (2007-03-11) and the publisher (Nintendo World Report). A quick glance tells me that others also lack data. My rule of thumb for Internet sources is to include author, title, publisher, date of publication, url, and date of most recent access, if all of these are known or can be found.

References
 * These should be arranged alphabetically; i.e., Aonuma then Pelland.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 23:11, 8 January 2010 (UTC)


 * No one seems to have gotten to these, but now that I had time and had help from others, they should all be done now, except for the formatting of references which simply requires time and patience. I'll see how much of that I can get done. Gary King  ( talk ) 19:47, 11 February 2010 (UTC)