Wikipedia:Peer review/The Lokpal Bill, 2011/archive1

The Lokpal Bill, 2011
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I need this page to be complete in every aspect. I would like to have a valuable feedback for the page.

Thanks, Regards,   theTigerKing    04:40, 21 July 2012 (UTC)


 * I would not be able to give a detailed review, but I think honorifics like Shri and Smt can be removed from the "Standing Committee Draft Lokpal Bill" as per WP:HONORIFIC. I will recommend you to request a copyedit here, which will help you while taking the article to GA/FA status. ♛♚★Vaibhav Jain★♚♛  Talk Email 11:13, 16 June 2012 (UTC)

Hi! Please give me a week to analyze the document in detail. I will come up with my review for this article. Regards India maniac (talk) 17:44, 21 June 2012 (UTC)

Comments
 * First off, is it the "Lokpal Bill" or "The Lokpal Bill"?
 * Comments : "The Lokpal Bill"


 * There are a huge number of citations in the lead for "The journey of this bill has received widespread worldwide coverage.[16][17][18][19][20][21][22][23][24][25][26][27]", see WP:CITEKILL.


 * Infobox -> "A Bill.." -> "A bill..."


 * "Legislative History" in infobox, just "Legislative history" is fine.
 * I could not understand the comment. Did you mean I should remove the text history from the infobox or something else. Please elucidate.
 * I mean don't have a capital H for history. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:57, 5 July 2012 (UTC)


 * "still hasn't reached " avoid contractions.


 * Table should not be overcapitalised, e.g. "Status of Bill"->"Status of bill", "(Recurring)"->"(recurring)".


 * "Rs. 3 lakh" meaningless to most readers, consider an inflation-linked translation into US$ or GBP or similar.
 * Need reliable source which convert INR to inflation adjusted USD or any other major currency.


 * [40] - avoid floating refs, attach them to something.
 * ✅ Placed them along with table captions.


 * "History of The Lokpal Bill, 2011" -> "History".


 * "A Draft Lokpal Bill, 2010,[41][42][43] " draft isn't a proper noun, and why citekill again?
 * Citekill needs to be worked upon
 * ✅ Overkill part done


 * "Anna Hazare's hunger strike at Jantar Mantar in New Delhi." no full stop in this caption which isn't a complete sentence.
 * ✅ Updated all the images.


 * "For major differences between the Draft Lokpal Bill, 2010 and the Jan Lokpal Bill, click here." we don't do "click here", either link to it suitably or just have a see also or something.
 * ✅ Put in See Also section


 * "The Joint Draft Bill" not sure about the section starting with "The" and no need for the table to be sortable, nor have "Name" capitalised.


 * "was expected to complete its work latest by 30 June 2011" update please.
 * ✅ Redrafted the sentence


 * "Kapil Sibal, member of the Joint Drafting Committee of Lokpal." no need for full stop.
 * ✅ Updated all the images.


 * A lot of intricate detail about the various meetings. I think you should look to summarise them and create a decent single section rather than all the subsections which remind me of village meeting minutes.
 * Comments : The sections contain a brief snapshot the official documents of the transcripts of the meetings, what was said by the prominent people of the panel before the media and which later became headlines. I believe we can't remove them and club them into a single section. In such a situation, the proposed section would become unmanageable and unreadable.


 * No reason for most, if not all, of the tables to be sortable.
 * Comments : Two tables are sortable as it help the readers to view the members grouped with the institution they belong to(Lok/Rajya Sabha, Congress,BJP etc.)


 * "In an Open Letter To Our Leaders by a group of 14 eminent citizens (G14)" why the bold and bold links? Avoid.
 * The title of the document was Open Letter To Our Leaders. Hence, the entire text was in bold. The link, open letter, is a part of a bold text. That is why, it is also in bold.
 * Avoid bold links. The Rambling Man (talk) 20:22, 2 July 2012 (UTC)


 * (enough on the prose).
 * Refs, make sure date formats are consistent throughout.
 * ✅ Made them uniform


 * Eight external links here? Be judicious.  Pick the really, honestly, really honestly relevant links.
 * ✅ I could remove two links, one of Parliament of India, as it only contained the links to other websites. Removing others may not be possible as the article contains content referenced from those links. The second was that of constitution of India as it was contained in the VTE separately.

The Rambling Man (talk) 18:38, 2 July 2012 (UTC)