Wikipedia:Peer review/The O.C. (season 3)/archive1

The O.C. (season 3)
This peer review discussion has been closed.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to get this list to a WP:FL, and am keen not to use FLC as a substitute for peer reviews. Thanks in advance for any comments.

Rambo's Revenge (talk)  20:19, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments Hehe, I think I've caught everything. Sorry it's so long :/ -- Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 05:13, 27 September 2008 (UTC) Reply
 * "United States" is so widely known that it doesn't need wikilinking
 * "...blah blah blah. However from..." needs fixing. Now I'm not in Britain, I can see this a lot in writing by British people. It should be "...blah blah blah; however, from...", didn't know that.
 * "wealty community of Orange County, California," add Newport Beach
 * does "Ryan's savior complex" need a reference?
 * ❌, already ref'd by [4]
 * "The season revolves around Ryan's savior complex causing trouble, Seth's lies posing problems in his relationship with Summer." sentence appears unfinished - it just needs an "and"
 * "Also Kirsten attempts to put her life back together, Sandy assumes leadership of the Newport Group". A comma is needed after "also"; however, using "also" is a bad way to begin a sentence. Could you explain why she needs to put her life back together, and who it is Sandy assumes leadership from? Stick a "while" right before "Sandy", too
 * "Kaitlin – a Julie Cooper in the making" slightly WP:ORish? Reference perhaps?
 * ❌, already ref'd by [4]
 * Region for DVD release? Region 1, I presume, but does it include Canada too? Has it been released in any other countries/regions?
 * , see the bottom of the DVD table at the end. Does it need clarifying?
 * "In the UK the third season premiered January 10, 2006 (E4) and January 15 (Channel 4)." By the very meaning of "premiere", it can only happen once. Get rid of the Channel 4 bit
 * "In Australia episodes were broadcast a couple of months after they were first premeired," "couple" is unencyclopedic and vague. Typo in that sentence, too
 * I made a change to the paragraph about international broadcasts
 * Thanks
 * Perhaps say that Wonderland is owned by McG and Stephanie Savage
 * "Tate Donovan, as Jimmy Cooper, only returned as a recurring character." Tate is the actor, so perhaps "Tate Donovan, as Jimmy Cooper, returned only in a recurring role."
 * "their respective previous characters." I'm not sure if this makes complete sense. It kind of implies they had different characters at one point
 * "Willa Holland took over from Shailene Woodley, in portraying Marissa's younger sister" comma unnecessary
 * "who returns to the cast after being away at boarding school last year." well, Holland didn't return to the cast, because she's new, and Kaitlin is a character. You could say "who returned to the series after being away at boarding school the previous season"
 * "Season three was widely regarded as the worst season of The O.C." I know it's referenced, but could you say by whom? Critics, fans, etc?
 * no need to link FOX again
 * "For the third season the show was nominated for five Teen Choice Awards" slightly ambiguous. Does it mean that that the previous two seasons were also nominated for five awards? How about "The third season was nominated..."
 * "Adam Brody won the Choice TV Actor in the Drama category for the third consecutive year." Is this a different award to TCA, or is "Choice TV Actor in the Drama" a category of TCA? Pehaps wikilink, and reference
 * "IGN faulted "far too much time and too many episodes spent with the less than beloved character Johnny" and the fact that "Kirsten and Sandy both suffered from unsatisfying stories"." Seems like an incomplete sentence. Try "IGN faulted the season for spending "far too much time..."
 * "New addition to cast Taylor Townsend" Taylor's a character, not a cast member. Try "The new character Taylor Townsend"
 * Don't overlink character and actor names that were already linked in the previous section
 * "USA Today critic, Robert Bianco" publication needs itallics, comma not needed
 * "Some of the story lines were described as "very intelligent and also incorporate a great deal of humor to keep your interest"" -- "story lines" or "storylines"? I'm unsure. Full stop at the end of the sentence, and could you say who said it, so it doesn't appear to still be from IGN?
 * "...show ever gave us",[27] The season finale was commended..." capital letter? Try "...show ever gave us",[27] but the season finale was commended...", and right here, say by who
 * "final season" sounds better than "last season"
 * Is it available on iTunes, XBOX Live Marketplace, or anywhere as downloadable?
 * ❌, not yet. But in checking I've noticed Season 2 got added to iTunes this month, so I expect it may and will keep watching and add it if/when it does.
 * Don't start sentences with "But"
 * "Ryan's brother, Trey" remove the comma
 * "cops" is unencyclopedic. Use either "sheriff" or "police". I don't know what they had on the show, but there is a Newport Beach Police Department so that would make sense. That said, there is also the OCSD
 * "Will Ryan take the fall for Marissa?" sounds more like a teaser than an encyclopedic entry. Remember, these are PLOT summaries
 * "Dean of Discipline" is this supposed to be capitalized?
 * , OC Insider and other reliable sources capitalise it. So it appears to be a title that should be capitalised. What do you think?
 * I would go with whatever the OC Insider says on this one since it belongs to the production company. Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 05:45, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
 * "And Jimmy offers Julie a surprising proposal." tsk, And
 * "When the scheme works, Marissa and Ryan have a night to remember," again, summarize. What was the scheme? Describe the night to remember
 * "Marissa adjusts to life in her new surroundings" what new surroundings?
 * "Kirsten's friend Charlotte lands in Newport" arrives
 * What is Newport Union?
 * "Marissa's new friendships at public school worry Summer, and she enlists Ryan's help." for what?
 * "And Charlotte convinces Julie and Kirsten to edge back into Newport society." And
 * "and Ryan needs to use his head for once." what does this mean?
 * "Julie is forced to return to her roots," what roots? Unclear to non-fans
 * "they devise a special plan to help a friend in need" who?
 * Is it The Harbor School or Harbor High School? Note I
 * "mom" --> "mother"
 * "Johnny's sudden misfortune forces him to take matters into his own hands." clarify either one, or both, of those
 * "Johnny struggles between a friends happiness" apostrophy
 * No need to link Orange County in the episode summary
 * perhaps link "boarding school"?
 * "Much more in the mold of her mother, Julie, than her sister, Marissa," remove the first and third commas
 * "Sandy encourages Seth about college," the rest of the sentence suggests he attempts to
 * "Summer discovers the truth about Seth, Sandy and Matt encounter an obstacle to their hospital project," semi colon after Seth
 * "Tragic news forces the friends to sort out their problems and face the reality of the situation." this is extremely vague
 * Does Valentines Day need linking?
 * ❌, V's Day is only really an American & European holiday so from a worldwide perspective it probably does.
 * "Could this mean the end of Ryan and Marissa's relationship." this is a question, but doesn't have a question-mark; however, I'm more concerned that it's verging on teasing the reader, instead of informing
 * "Marissa drifts away from the group and Summer" is Summer no longer part of the group?
 * "The kids receive their college acceptance and rejection letters," kids is a bit unencyclopedic
 * "mom" --> "mother" again
 * "but before they meet, he has a steamy encounter" remove the comma
 * "Berkeley and Brown" unlink Berkely, cause that's been done already, and say "UC Berkeley and Brown University"
 * "Harbor School's senior prom" Third different name for the school Note I
 * "Taylor has a great time, while Summer does not enjoy herself with her surprising prom date." "although" would be better
 * "prom night turns brutal." need something more encyclopedic than brutal. Could this be clarified, too?
 * "And Seth's actions ignite even more trouble in Newport." And
 * "The end of senior year is finally here," WP:INUNIVERSE
 * "But first Seth must" comma after first, but "but" shouldn't be used to start a sentence
 * "mom" --> "mother"
 * "And Summer, facing the prospect of going away without Seth, says her emotional farewells to her freinds." And, and a typo
 * "But amidst the speeches" But
 * "But amidst the speeches and toasts, nothing is ever simple in Newport." hmmm. does this make sense? Why does nothing make sense in Newport amidst speeches? Are things only confusing in Newport when speeches are made?, gone as it was too peacock anyway.
 * "And to Taylor's joy," And
 * ". However," --> "; however,"
 * Note (not sure why I did it this way!)
 * - I've seen different reliable sources use all three of them. This uses all three, but i'll be consistent and use Harbor School as on Warner Bros.' site OC Insider.
 * In this case the CTV site isn't as reliable as it just belongs to a network. What appears on OC Insider is better, since that belongs to the production company; however, whatever was used on the episodes is the most reliable. Did anyone ever refer to the school by "Harbor High"? If so, it's real name is probably "Harbor High School" as the trend is to not say the word "School", even if it is part of the official name. If it was only referred to as "Harbor" or "Harbor School" on screen, then use "Harbor School". Finally, did the front of the school or the signage ever appear on screen? What did that say? That would be the most reliable source for the correct name. Matthewedwards (talk • contribs • email) 05:45, 30 September 2008 (UTC)
 * Watched bits of "The Graduates", and it has official signs that say both Harbor School & crest shown for a split second that says The Harbor School. Found a graduating book picture from that episode which says "The Harbor School" so I guess I'll go with that then. Changed all occurances to either "The Harbor School" or "Harbor", an abbreviation of the full name.

Diff Many thanks for the review, I think I've addressed all the issues you've raised or explained why I haven't. I am open to discussion on anything I havn't done, I just thought I'd state my reasons. If you think any of these still need doing or clarifying please say.

Rambo's Revenge (talk)  19:18, 29 September 2008 (UTC)