Wikipedia:Peer review/The Secret of Monkey Island/archive1

The Secret of Monkey Island
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I and a bunch of good fellas (Guyinblack25, S@bre and JimmyBlackwing) turned the article into quality GA after three months of hard work, and I think that it can reach even more. I would like to know what needs to be corrected/added in order to promote the article to FA.

Thanks, Electroguv (talk) 12:33, 2 January 2012 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this - it reads well and seems pretty close to FAC to me. Here are some mostly nitpicky suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:19, 9 February 2012 (UTC)
 * Lead
 * This seems a little awkward to me, especially the "which focused the game on exploration" phrase Gilbert's frustrations with contemporary adventure titles led him to make the player character's death impossible, which focused the game on exploration. perhaps something like "which meant that gameplay focused on exploration"?
 * I would clarify this is a remake of the original game (the preceding sentence is on the sequel) ''LucasArts released a remake [of the original game] in 2009, which was also well-received by the gaming press.
 * Gameplay
 * Tighten? ''...topics for discussion that are listed in a dialog tree; the game is considered to be one of the first titles to incorporate such a system.[5]
 * Plot
 * can you avoid two uses of island in one sentence? A youth named Guybrush Threepwood arrives on Mêlée Island, a fictional island in the Caribbean, with the desire to become a pirate. perhaps ''A youth named Guybrush Threepwood arrives on the fictional Mêlée Island, with the desire to become a pirate in the Caribbean.
 * Tighten / avoid two uses of island in one sentence ''When Guybrush reaches Monkey Island, he discovers a village of cannibals in a dispute with Herman Toothrot, a ragged castaway marooned on the island there.
 * The root is little confusing for me - is it used to make the elixir? If so, could it be ''He settles their quarrel, and then recovers a magical "voodoo root" from LeChuck's ship for the cannibals, who provide him with a seltzer bottle of "voodoo root elixir" that can destroy ghosts.
 * Origin and writing
 * Mechanic? A guy with a wrench? ''The game's insult swordfighting mechanic was influenced by swashbuckling movies starring Errol Flynn, which Gilbert, Schafer and Grossman often watched for inspiration.
 * is it supposed to be "in hell there would be mushrooms" (and not "here")?? ''such as Guybrush's line "I had a feeling in hell here would be mushrooms", which came from Schafer's own hatred of fungi.[14]
 * I know it is linked, but I would add a few words of description about the book After having read Tim Powers' [historical fantasy novel] On Stranger Tides'', he decided to add paranormal themes to the game's plot.
 * How about ''The developers included Cobb, a character from Loom (another 1990 LucasArts title). When approached for conversation, Cobb encourages the player to purchase Loom.[19]
 * Creative and technical design
 * I like this formulation much better ''The team decided to make it impossible for the player character to die, which focused gameplay primarily on world exploration.[9]
 * I would make it clearer that the top image is from the original game and the bottom image is from the 2009 special edition - this is a very nice use of fair use material and allows the reader to compare the versions
 * Is it worth mentioning that he is standing in front of the SCUMM Bar in both images (inside joke)?
 * Special edition
 * "remade" is awkward - perhaps "2009"? ''The developers included the function to switch between the remade and original audiovisuals at will.[33][34]
 * Avoid passive voice where possible The remake's idea was conceived in 2008 by LucasArts's game producer Craig Derrick and his team.[34]  could be the much smoother and a bit tighter ''LucasArts's game producer Craig Derrick and his team conceived the idea of the remake in 2008.[34]
 * I am not sure exactly what this means ''The designers made the cursor contextual to the game objects as the primary interface.
 * Reception
 * Should the price be mentioned here somehow (even a comparison to how much it cost compared to other games at the same time?) ''Although they believed that the game was too expensive, they summarized it as ...
 * Legacy
 * It is not clear to me which version of the game made the various top 10 lists / halls of fame.
 * Also, the game was selected as one of five games for the exhibition The Art of Video Games in the Smithsonian American Art Museum in 2011.[59] could be something like Also, the original version was one of five selected for the exhibition The Art of Video Games in the Smithsonian American Art Museum in 2011.[59]
 * Unclear - what is he referring to - the original Grog XD or the erroneous news story?
 * General
 * Watch out for WP:OVERLINKing.
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)