Wikipedia:Peer review/The Slowskys/archive1

The Slowskys

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I peronally believe this little article could be a lot better if more people knew of its existence. I've contributed to it many a time, and I would like to have other editors and opinions on the rather abandoned page. If anyone is talented with the Internet Archive, this would also be excellent.

Sincerely, TurtleShroom! :) †Jesus Loves You and Died for you!† 19:09, 12 November 2008 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Ads can be clever. It would be possible to expand this stub about a clever ad series into something more complete and interesting. Here are a few suggestions:


 * Possibilities for expansion include tracking down published articles or on-line reviews of the ads and seeing what the critics have to say. It's possible that the ads have been rated by somebody. I'd suggest hunting around for something like that.


 * The idea of a Slowski fad also offers possibilities for expansion. You could tell us who ran the Slowsky blog and who ran the Slowsky web site. You might quote an interesting comment from the blog. Possibly some statistics or facts are available about the fan base.


 * You might tell us how "The Snailskis" resembles and differs from "The Slowskis".


 * Some background information about animatronic production might be interesting.


 * I'd recommend a top-to-bottom copyedit, which should catch and fix small errors. For example, the first sentence of the existing lead starts with a singular subject, "The Slowskys", and a plural verb "are". The sentence should begin "The Slowskys" is a national advertising campaign... ". The second sentence of the lead says, "The ads feature an animatronic turtle couple (Bill and Karolyn) with a server Slowsky." I think you mean "who connect to the Internet via a server named Slowsky" or "whose Internet service provider is called Slowsky".


 * Your references need to cite reliable sources and should identify the author, title, publisher, date of publication if known, url, and access date. Your references don't seem to be true references. They are more like external links. Please see WP:V. You can find helpful citation templates at WP:CIT.


 * DSL and other abbreviations should be spelled out on first use, and the abbreviation should appear in parentheses after the spelled-out version, like this: digital subscriber line (DSL). On subsequent uses, the abbreviation is fine because you've explained what it stands for.


 * Jargon like "puppeteered" should be avoided or explained.


 * In the phrase, "and replaced by a peaceful, permanent flash widget that included their commercials", it's not clear who "their" refers to.

I hope you find these brief suggestions helpful. Finetooth (talk) 03:29, 17 November 2008 (UTC)