Wikipedia:Peer review/The Wedding Dance/archive1

The Wedding Dance
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to get it further than it currently is. I wish to get it up to FA standard. It is currently a GA but I want to get it further.
 * This peer review discussion has been closed.

Thanks, ⇒ T A  P  09:08, 17 June 2012 (UTC)

Sigh. Its way off being FA standard! I honestly can't see it becoming a featured article.♦ Dr. Blofeld  13:58, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Hmm, okay! I'll just use the peer review of what can be done to make it better. Regards, ⇒ T A  P  14:00, 17 June 2012 (UTC)


 * I think you need to clarify Voyerism, what does your sentence mean? I see you have implemented some more of earlier suggestions.  Have you been able to get a super high resolution so that you can have a zoom in of the table?  Where is the groom? Graeme Bartlett (talk) 02:35, 18 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Voyerism: ❌, standard English. Image: Nope. ⇒ T A  P  20:05, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * You can also run http://toolserver.org/~dispenser/view/Peer_reviewer#page:The_Wedding_Dance
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  20:05, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Revealed are two dead links at: http://toolserver.org/~dispenser/cache/wikipedia:en:The_Wedding_Dance#view=0,0,0,0,1,1 but I don't know if that is genuinely dead, or just some other problem. Graeme Bartlett (talk) 10:05, 19 June 2012 (UTC)
 * ✅, links fine. ⇒ T A  P  20:05, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

Comments
 * I think the word "painting" is used eight times in two paras of the lead, somewhat repetitive. Can we not mix it up a little, using alternative words?
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * " an oil on panel " I imagine that "oil-on-panel" should be hyphenated here.
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * "which was found in 1930 in " -> "discovered in 1930"?
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * In the infobox you link "oil painting" which is pretty obvious to most people but not "tempera" which I don't believe is obvious to most people.
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Consider linking "Renaissance period".
 * ✅ in lead. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * "Along with The Peasant Wedding (1567) and The Peasant Dance (1569), which share the same wedding theme and elements, were painted in the same..." grammatically incorrect.
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Who is "Robert L. Bonn " and why should his opinion be important?
 * ✅. Author, see his website. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Same comment for "Walter S. Gibson ".
 * ✅. Art historian. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * " Voyeurism is depicted throughout the entire painting.[16]" this is identical to the lead. You're supposed to expand upon it in the main body.
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Last sentence of "Description" is wayyyy long.
 * ✅. ⇒ T A  P  15:49, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

The Rambling Man (talk) 10:57, 22 June 2012 (UTC)

Nice work. Good luck with it in the future! The Rambling Man (talk) 15:59, 22 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks! My initial aim was FA, but I guess that won't happen. ⇒ T A  P  17:19, 22 June 2012 (UTC)