Wikipedia:Peer review/Theobald of Bec/archive1

Theobald of Bec
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to FAC and I recognize that my writing is only acceptable, not "brilliant". Any suggestions on polishing the prose or places where I've assumed too much background knowledge are eagerly desired.

Thanks, Ealdgyth - Talk 02:42, 7 April 2008 (UTC)

Certainly no subject expert besides having spent a night inside in the walls of the cathedral grounds...! I think that's all that immediately sprung to mind. Hope it helps. The Rambling Man (talk) 17:13, 10 April 2008 (UTC)
 * Comments from
 * Opening sentence says he was ABOC from 1138 while infobox says enthroned from Jan 1139. Confusion.  I guess it's my ignorance of the infobox.
 * Think I got this straightened out.
 * I would expand the lead, or at worst merge the two short paras you have there right now.
 * "He was of Norman by birth" - reads strange to me, why not just "he was Norman by birth"? (forgive my ignorance!)
 * fixed
 * "primacy" presumably relating to religious primates? A non-expert would be dumbfounded.
 * clarified this. This wasn't really a "primacy" issue, which is related authority between equal ranked offices like between bishops or archbishops. This case was an attempt by the Welsh to set up their own archbishop, and it was not sucessful.
 * British English ought to be used here so "recognized" needs an s. And in the lead, Stephen quickly becomes Steven.
 * Fixed
 * "Steven reign," should that be "Stephen's reign"?
 * Fixed
 * "Steven recognized Henry of Anjou as his heir. " what is the relevance of this to Theobald? It's not clear.
 * fixed
 * "canon law", "vacant see" unclear to non-experts again.
 * clarified.
 * "Roger of Salisbury Bishop of Salisbury and his nephews Nigel of Ely Bishop of Ely and Alexander of Lincoln Bishop of Lincoln " - some commas wouldn't go amiss here, especially when the next para has "Bernard, Bishop of St David's"...
 * fixed
 * "The archbishop was able to force peace on King Stephen." I guess the image is of the king (hence the crown) but the caption is misleading.
 * fixed
 * Page ranges in the references should be separated with en-dash (–) instead of hyphen (-).

Replies to Rambling man -
 * The infobox is because someone has been playing with our ABC infobox lately. Enthroned is different than consecrated. I think I fixed it, although it is still giving me fits. Merged the lead paragraphs, and fixed the birth thing. The primacy thing is one of those jargon things I'll have to expand later, along with canon law and vacant see. I fixed the Steven's, someone obviously put them in while I was out of town (and I missed them on a copyedit). Stephen the king is always Stephen, and I can't even type Steven without concious thought after years of Stephen. Explained a bit on Henry of Anjou. I'm lazy and have User:Brighterorange run his script over things I'm going to take to FAC. Not sure on Theobald yet, he's pretty skimpy. Maybe after I explain the jargon! Thanks muchly for the peer review!