Wikipedia:Peer review/Thomas Pheasant/archive1

Thomas Pheasant
Hi I'm a university student and I had to write a Wikipedia article I was hoping to get some feedback on it like what needs to be changed, added or taken away and anything that will allow me to make this a suitable Wikipedia article. --CJAEAA (talk) 09:54, 19 October 2018 (UTC)
 * Hi, a few quick comments:
 * Peacock words: You should remove the subjective, unsubstantiated words of praise like award winning, internationally recognised from the intro. Take a look at MOS:INTRO and WP:PEACOCK. Same with is well known for his collaboration: just say has collaborated.
 * Bold name at first mention: I've added markup to the first sentence to put his name in boldface: see MOS:BOLDTITLE.
 * Early life: It would be helpful to provide some dates here: What year was he born? When did he get his first fashion job? When did the local paper write about him? Also, the line about the local paper should include a citation.
 * External links: External links generally shouldn't be directly embedded in the body of an article: see WP:ELPOINTS. You should remove the external links in the Collections and Book subsections. If you think they are necessary to support the article, consider using footnoted citations or putting them in the external links section. (The link in that section right now, to 'example.org', should be removed).
 * Overall: I suggest that you continue researching Pheasant, looking for external, reliable sources (Newspaper profiles/architectural reviews, e.g.), and try to avoid a press-release-y or overly promotional tone. For example, in He has worked with many famous clients on prestigious hotels and residential projects., you should remove the vague, overly effusive famous and prestigious, and instead provide more details of his clients and their projects.
 * Cheers, Genericusername57 (talk) 13:58, 20 October 2018 (UTC)