Wikipedia:Peer review/Tim Duncan/archive1

Tim Duncan
As solid GA about a four-time NBA champion which our project WP:NBA wants to make a FAC soon. Feedback and suggestions are appreciated. —Onomatopoeia 07:24, 13 August 2007 (UTC)

I believe the article needs a much stronger lead. This is a meaty enough article for a four paragraph lead. The first paragraph is fine. After incorporating the changes I suggested at the discussion at WP:FAC there should be enough for 3 additional paragraphs. One should be about his college career, one should be about his NBA career. There should then be another that includes his international play disappointments. This may not make a very complete paragraph. However, if volunteering to represent the USA is considered a part of marketing it might go along with discussion of his unmemorable (in my mind) commercial marketing. I can only think of seeing him in one commercial as the best player of his generation.

There should be a discussion of his endorsements since he has reached a level of prominence (possibly the best at his position of his generation) where he should be quite marketable.

A thorough copy edit is necessary as pointed out at the FAC.

The succession boxes for awards should be consolidated (Finals MVP). See Barry Bonds or Sammy Sosa.--TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 09:21, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

See automated peer review.

Note that this peer review was terminated due to a WP:FAC nomination according to policy. --TonyTheTiger (t/c/bio/tcfkaWCDbwincowtchatlotpsoplrttaDCLaM) 15:59, 20 August 2007 (UTC)