Wikipedia:Peer review/Tohru Honda/archive1

Tohru Honda

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to see what additional work may be needed before nominating it as a GAC. I've attempted to follow the guidelines for a character article at WP:MOS-AM. Thanks. —Quasirandom (talk) 20:57, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 01:33, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * Per WP:LEAD the lead should be a brief summary of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, but Development is not there now, as one example.
 * Provide context for the reader - an interested reader will not necessarily know who Rin and Hanajima are in Several other characters, including Kyo,[11] Rin,[12] and Hanajima,[13] tell her she needs to look out for her own interests and not shoulder everyone else's burdens. for example. Or why is she living in a tent when she has a mother and grandfather?
 * Make sure the article is written from an out-of-universe perspective, see WP:IN-U. The plot section seems to be overly long and detailed, while reception needs to be expanded.
 * Per MOS:QUOTE and WP:PUNC the punctuation usually comes outside of quotes, so change However while "Tohru is notorious in the series for being happy and cheerful even in times of great taxation,"[59]


 * Oh yeah, that's helpful -- thanks. (And a "darn it" to myself, as I keep forgetting that Wikipedia interprets logical quotation differently than the house style I'm used to.) One thing, though: could you expand some more on the out-of-universe language -- what passages were you particularly noticing as a concern? —Quasirandom (talk) 21:02, 2 July 2008 (UTC)
 * And I'll see what I can do to compress the plot, now that I have some distance. However, she is the protagonist of a long and complicated series. —Quasirandom (talk) 21:14, 2 July 2008 (UTC)

I think part of it is that the lead has plot but not much development or reception, and the reception section is fairly short. This makes an already long plot section seem even longer. I read the MOS guide on anime article - linked in the talk page - and the Fruits Basket article. The plot there is muc shorter and may give some ideas. The reception section includes some quotes that mention Tohru, such as ''The real strength of Natsuki Takaya's artwork isn't that that it looks good—though it definitely does, from its beautiful characters to the intricately rendered textures of their clothing—but how well it communicates mood and emotions. Not content to rely on facial expressions, though she does them well, Takaya is particularly apt at using shading and shadows to indicate character's mental states... The details of character's emotions—the disparity between Tohru's private emotions and her public front, the punishing intensity of Kyo's feelings for Tohru—are not only discernable but tangible, all without a word being spoken. —Carl Kimlinger, Anime News Network[52]'' Hope this helps, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 05:09, 4 July 2008 (UTC)


 * Thanks. I'm not happy with how I handled the text of the Reception section as it is -- maybe it's time to scratch it and start over. As for the Development, I know of some additional material that can be used (the DVD commentaries) but I haven't been able to access it. —Quasirandom (talk) 14:43, 4 July 2008 (UTC)