Wikipedia:Peer review/Toledo War/archive2

Toledo War
Hello, This article was given a peer review about two months ago, GA status, and based on suggestions, was submitted to FAC, where it failed in early June. The main objection at that time was that the article was poorly written, and needed more copy-editing. Since then, I have put in a lot of effort, and the article has been added to, revised, and copy-edited. The goal is another (this time hopefully successful) FAC, and I was just wondering if you had any suggestions or comments about making this article better. I look forward to addressing your concerns, and thanks for all of your help! Hotstreets 04:56, 30 July 2006 (UTC)
 * I don't think there's a lot to suggest to you except wow, this article is great. The fact that two of our states had a war amuses me greatly and the article just gets funnier as it goes on. I did change two sentences that I thought could be better.  The first in the lead I was worried that people would think the federal and state government had argued as those were the two governments listed in the preceeding sentence.  The only thing that bothered me was that one paragraph in the 'Prelude to Conflict' section lacks any citations at all.  That seems like it should be easy to fix.  Again, I can't wait to see this article on the main page. It's a great article.--Dekkanar 00:38, 3 August 2006 (UTC)
 * Thank you very much for your kind words and suggestions. I will definitely add those citations back sometime in the next day. Once again, thanks for the feedback! Hotstreets 00:06, 4 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ t 01:36, 9 August 2006 (UTC)

I edit a lot of articles for prose and this is one of the best I've found. Well done! Here are a few minor thoughts I had:
 * "U.S. state" Unabbreviated that's United States state and sounds redundant but maybe this is used commonly? I'm not sure.
 * There are some one sentence paragraphs like "Ohio would thus be granted access to the entire western Lake Erie shoreline, and the other new states would have access to the Great Lakes via Lakes Michigan, Huron, and Superior.[4]" that could probably be integrated.
 * The state legislature would eventually name the county in which Toledo sat, Lucas County" When did this happen? I'm confused by its placement in the timeline and the words "would eventually"
 * "notoriously hot-headed Mason" need a cite for this subjective descriptions
 * "The line is identified on USGS topographical maps as the South [Boundary] Michigan Survey, and on Lucas County and Fulton County, Ohio road maps as "Old State Line Road."" Why is one italicized and one in quotes?

I've made many quite minor edits to the article, often eliminating what appeared to be slight redundancies. I apologize if I removed anything necessary. Let me know when this is up for FAC and I'll definitely give it my support. Best, MarkBuckles (talk) 19:44, 9 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Thank you very much for the feedback. I have worked on each of your points, but on a few I just wanted to explain below:
 * - I left "U.S. state" as it is, due to the redundancy issues as well as the fact that the article that it links to is formally titled "U.S. state". I do agree that is it strange, though.
 * - The one sentence paragraph you mentioned was actually the result of the Wikisource boxes: it inadvertently broke the paragraph apart. I have fixed the problem so it no longer does that.
 * - I played with the paragraph regarding Lucas County, and I think I have improved it a bit. Unfortunately, that sentence provided the introduction to Governor Lucas in the prose, so moving it around proved awkward. Please let me know what you think of this; I did try to clarify the timeline as best as possible.
 * Once again, thank you very much for your feedback, and I will definitely let you know when this becomes FAC. Hotstreets 06:11, 10 August 2006 (UTC)