Wikipedia:Peer review/Tom Driberg, Baron Bradwell/archive1

Tom Driberg, Baron Bradwell
This peer review discussion has been closed.. Tom Driberg led a complex life of many different parts and it's not easy to encapsulate him in a single article, but I've done my best here. Poet, society columnist, left-wing politician, compulsive homosexual, high churchman – he was all of these, and no doubt devious and dishonourable as well, but was he also a Soviet spy? This was alleged after his death, and widely believed; public decency was so outraged by revelations of other aspects of his life that it was easy to condemn him. He almost certainly had a long-running association with the British security services, but the evidence that he was a KBG agent and a spy is far from conclusive. Judge for youselves. I am particularly concerned that Driberg's name appears in the list of "Soviet/Russian spies" that appears at the end of the article (it predates my involvement). I want to remove the list from the article (and Driberg's name from the list), but I'd like to hear other opinions first. Brianboulton (talk) 19:59, 9 March 2011 (UTC)

Comments from Tim riley First batch follows. Pretty meagre gleanings on the biography section. Shall go through the rest tomorrow.
 * Infobox – The "Lyttelton" isn't mentioned in the article. A widow? Divorcée? Perhaps you might clarify in the body of the biography section.
 * Now clarified in text Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 11 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Oxford
 * TUC – needs explaining and linking
 * failure in his final examinations was a foregone conclusion – perhaps "inevitable" is a slightly less over-emphatic way of putting it
 * Dropped ref to TUC, accepted your suggestion re his exam failure. Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 11 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Daily Express columnist
 * "Margaret Street" – worth linking to All Saints, Margaret Street, perhaps?
 * After his submission of a trial article on London's nightlife, in January 1928 Driberg was engaged for a six-week trial as a reporter – perhaps avoid the repetition of "trial" in the one sentence?
 * I think you're not supposed to put links within quotations, but I've done it anyway, and also fixed the repetition. Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 11 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Early parliamentary career
 * "right-wing" – earlier you give "Left" a capital letter. Far be it from me to stick up for the Tories, but in matters of upper and lower case I think we ought to be even-handed.
 * Maldon by-election: if you want a contemporary reference as a change from Wheen, the by-election figures (and those of the previous election) were printed in The Times under "Maldon By-Election Result  – A Government Defeat ", 27 June 1942, p. 2. Technically, I believe, the Tory incumbent and failed successor stood not as "Conservatives" but for the National Government. But perhaps this is hypercritical.
 * Switched to Times ref. I thought I had regularised all the left-wing/right wings to lower case - this one got by. Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 11 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Retirement, ennoblement and death
 * Two pernickety points about "acquired a small flat in London's Barbican district" – first, "acquired" sounds like purchase, but until the Thatcher government introduced tenants' right to buy in the 1980s, Barbican flats were for rent only. Secondly (I speak as one who used to live there) "the Barbican district" sounds odd. I'd say "in the Barbican development in the City of London" or some such.
 * Both fixed. Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 11 March 2011 (UTC)

Tim riley (talk) 18:41, 11 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks for these points. I welcome anything else. And thanks indeed for looking up and providing material on Pincher and on the Driberg-Attlee play, which is being incorporated into the article. Brianboulton (talk) 21:45, 11 March 2011 (UTC)

Second and final clutch of comments: I need hardly say, but will, that the article is well proportioned, well balanced, impeccably referenced and a pleasure to read. Tim riley (talk) 12:01, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Allegations of treachery
 * Last para, second sentence: "Wheen points out" – a tendentious phrase, possibly? "Wheen observes" or something of the sort might be more neutral.
 * Now "Wheen notes..." Brianboulton (talk) 20:00, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I'd be inclined to omit Leo Abse's rather speculative comment, which strikes me as armchair psychology that confuses the issue on no known evidence whatever. On the other hand I think you could conscientiously round this section off with another bit from that Foot Guardian article, stating that Pincher's allegation that Thatcher and Foot conspired [hello! Earth callng!] to cover up Driberg's supposed treachery has been dismissed by Foot as fantasy "as any fool could see".
 * I have added Foot's scornful rejection of the supposed Hollis/Driberg cover-up, but I am loath to lose the Abse material. Abse observed Driberg over many years in the House of Commons, and his view that Driberg was, essentially, playing a part is, I think, quite interesting (as Stephen Fry might say). Brianboulton (talk) 20:00, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Fine with me. It was merely a suggestion. Tim riley (talk) 20:10, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * As to your comments at the top of this PR page, I regard the allegations that Driberg was a Soviet spy as unproved (or "not proven" as Scottish lawyers say) to put it at the kindest, and, more probably, as Foot says, as the over-excited fantasies of Pincher et al. I am old enough to remember when Harold Wilson was similarly accused. Foot's phrase "the cowardly Pincher perversion" seems decidedly ad rem here. I subscribe to your proposal to remove the list from the article and Driberg's name from the list.
 * Good, thanks. I'll see what other reviewers say before taking any action, though. Brianboulton (talk) 20:00, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Appraisal
 * Explanatory brackets – you favour square brackets for "[19th century]" (within a quote, I know) but round ones for "Tories (Conservatives)" in the Labour Member 1945–55 section. I'd be inclined to standardise on square brackets for both.
 * The square brackets indicate that I am inserting words into a quotation (which I think is standard practice). The round ones indicate a normal parenthetical aside. Shouldn't this difference be maintained? Brianboulton (talk) 20:00, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I withdraw at once. Tim riley (talk) 20:10, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Title
 * Finally, and this a damn' silly place to mention it, but it has only just occurred to me: is the title of the article helpful? I doubt if one reader in a hundred who looks up Tom Driberg will have heard of Baron Bradwell. (I have the Baron Britten of Aldeburgh on my to-do list – another person ennobled too late in life for anyone to think of him as a peer. Much the same could be said of the Baroness Thatcher, Baron Wilson of Rievaulx, the first Earl of Stockton, and the first Earl of Avon, all of whom have WP articles under just their plain everyday names.)
 * Excellent point. I inherited the title when I picked up the article, but it would be much more sensible to use the shorter title. I will use the Benjamin Britten and Harold Wilson cases as precedents. Brianboulton (talk) 20:00, 12 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your review and the helpful suggestions. Brianboulton (talk) 20:00, 12 March 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: Another fine article about a fascinating character. Nicely illustrated as well as beautifully written. A quick check of the image licenses revealed no problems. I did manage to generate a few quibbles if only to prove that I read every word.

Lead


 * "He never held any government office," - This might confuse readers who equate "government office" with "political office" or "elected office". Since he was an MP, they will say, how can it be true that he never held any government office?


 * "A member of the British Communist Party for more than 20 years" - Link British Communist Party?


 * "raised to the peerage as Baron Bradwell of Bradwell juxta Mare in the county of Essex" - Link Essex?

Family background and childhood
 * "soon to be joined by a third—Left-wing politics—to form the ruling passions of his life" - Lower-case "left-wing"?

Lancing
 * "To avoid distressing the widowed Mrs Driberg... " - Better as "Amy Driberg" than "Mrs", perhaps?

As William Hickey
 * "where he lived and entertained until the house was requisitioned by the Royal Air Force in 1940. - Add (RAF) here on first use? It's used later, in the first paragraph of the "Marriage" section, as plain RAF.

''Member for Barking... ''
 * "under the pseudonym "Tiresias", compiling a risqué prize crossword puzzles which on one occasion was won by the wife of the Archbishop of Canterbury" - Something missing? The phrase "a risqué prize crossword puzzles" seems incomplete. I'm assuming it refers to a contest involving multiple crossword puzzles. Would "compiling risqué crossword puzzles for a contest" be better?

Bibliography
 * "Driberg wrote or compiled the following books:-" - Delete the hyphen after the colon?


 * "Mosley? No!. London: W.H. Allen. 1948. (A pamphlet attacking Sir Oswald Mosley} - Delete the period after the exclamation point?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 19:06, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * The OCLCs for books for which there is no ISBN might be useful. You can usually find the OCLCs via WorldCat. Here is the link for four variations on Mosely? No!, for example. (You probably already know all this, but I thought I should mention it.)
 * Thank you for this review. I have in general clarified and/or adopted your suggestions, except with regard to the following:
 * "He never held any government office": I have difficulty expressing this differently. Do people really think that all MPs  hold "government office" when, at any one time, a goodly proportion are the formal opposition to the government? I'd have thought this was broadly understood.
 * I think this might be one of those "other side of the pond" things. In the U.S., the opposition party is seen as part of the government. When Yankees say, "the government", they usually mean the whole lot, not just the party in power. Tim Riley's suggestion below would solve the problem, I think. Finetooth (talk) 00:32, 13 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Perhaps "never held ministerial office"? Tim riley (talk) 22:22, 12 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Yes, that's a good suggestion. Brianboulton (talk) 13:41, 13 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Since "Essex" here is an integral part of a longer title (Baron Bradwell of Bradwell juxta Mare in the county of Essex) my understanding is that it shouldn't be linked.
 * Oh. I did not realize that "in the county of Essex" was part of his title. In that case, you are probably right. Finetooth (talk) 00:59, 13 March 2011 (UTC)

Can I ask you to comment briefly on one further aspect, namely the inclusion in the article of the so-called "List of Soviet Spies" which includes Driberg by name. Driberg is not a convicted or confessed spy; the evidence against him is not wholly convincing, and since it was only published after his death he had no opportunity of answering the charges. Frankly, the list bothers me, but I'd like to hear other opinions before deciding whether it should be removed. Brianboulton (talk) 22:08, 12 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Sorry, I did not read every word carefully, as it turns out. I think Driberg should not be included in the list and that the list should not be included in the article. Allegations are not the same as confessions or convictions. Finetooth (talk) 01:20, 13 March 2011 (UTC)

Comments from Wehwalt: The usual fine effort, of course. The usual quibbles as well. I will say that the capitalisation in this article was surprising:
 * Lede
 * "British Parliament". Is the word "British" really necessary?  We know he's British, so is there any actual ambiguity?
 * Infobox: why is chairman of the Labour Party first?  I would think his being an MP of greater moment and perhaps should be listed first.
 * "to parliament as an Independent" I would actually cap parliament and lower case independent. British practices may differ, especially on the latter, I guess.
 * "In 1933 he founded the" I think "founding" should be reserved for independent structures.  This column was within the newspaper, therefore I recommend "began".
 * "After his retirement in 1974" This phrasing makes it difficult to determine if the retirement took place in 1974 or his elevation to the peerage.  Or both.
 * "practiced with vigour" Quite the sweeping statement!  I'm vaguely bothered by it (after Pipe Dream, though, I am in no position to be critical) but cannot come up with a better.
 * "was a source of bafflement" Baffled.
 * "included among his friends at various times" Befriended.
 * "inconclusive". That doesn't seem to fit.  Suggest "uncertain".
 * Early life
 * "Thus were formed ..." Certainly this sentence can be written with only one use of the word "form" or variants.
 * "Driberg was inclining". I find this verb and form unusual when used so actively with a person as subject.  Perhaps his views were inclining?  Or beginning to incline?
 * "on the supposed grounds that he needed private tuition ..." perhaps "pretext"?
 * Oxford
 * " he managed to recite". This implies difficulty.  I assume from awe at her presence?  Perhaps just say "despite his awe, Driberg recited ..."  You may feel, though, that the awe is implicit, and I don't protest too hard.
 * "Anglican rituals". Consider "Anglican ritual'.  This may be more an American usage, I merely make the suggestion.
 * You might want to stress that the concert actually took place. There is some chance it could be read to say he advertised the concert complete with flushing toilets but people showed up for it in vain.
 * "Driberg received from Crowley ..." This seems like it should be a sentence, I can't discern enough connection with the previous clause to say it should be a semicolon.
 * Daily Express
 * Being picky here, but the Waugh quote doesn't say that he and Driberg met there, merely that Waugh saw Driberg. Perhaps the quote continues to recount a meeting?
 * "Roman Catholicism, when Driberg" I would use a semicolon and omit "when".
 * "He grew increasingly frustrated " Sewell is the subject of the previous sentence, making the "he" a bit uncertain.
 * " With his share of her estate and a substantial mortgage, he bought " This makes it sound like the mortgage was on his mom's property and might lead to confusion as to how you mean the word "estate".
 * Early parliamentary career
 * Surely he wasn't campaigning at the moment he was caught by the policeman. Perhaps "was in Edinburgh to campaign ...".
 * Your reference to the Reynolds News in the lede mentions that it was owned by the "Co-operative Group", that is not backed up in the body, you simply say it was part of the cooperative movement.
 * I take it he was accepted as a Labour candidate by the local constituency organisation?
 * " an independent North Vietnam state." No, he proclaimed an independent Vietnam.  Partition was a bit later, was never fully accepted, yada yada.
 * Who appointed Driberg as a special assistant? He must have been getting some preferment from the Labourites?
 * Just as a note, the Labour majority after 1950 seems to be a bit of a dispute. The article on the election puts it as five, I've also seen it as eight.  I would imagine such minor things deal with the former affiliation of the Speaker and the allegiance of minor party members.
 * "parliament"/"Parliament". be consistent.  Also, was the outrage at Driberg's column "in Parliament" or among parliamentary Conservatives?
 * Later career
 * File:Burgess-maclean.JPG. I am dubious of the licensing.  While it may be from a declassified FBI file, there is no indication that the FBI created it.  The copyrights on those portraits belong to someone.  I think you should delete.
 * "He convened a group ..." this and the next sentence should be moved out of this paragraph, which otherwise deals with Driberg's activities in the Labour Party and as one of its candidates. Either delete it or find another place for it.
 * "A dominant issue" Surely not for Harold Macmillan and his government, perhaps more for Driberg?
 * It might be worth briefly explaining who the Kray twins were. I must admit to a passing unfamiliarity with them (but then, I had never heard of Driberg either)


 * "election in February 1966" Pipe seems in order to the election article.
 * Treachery
 * "Driberg's colleague Michael Foot pours" You're probably a bit more liberal about the editorial present tense than me, but given that the UK has finally put its Foot down, and recently ... and shouldn't "prime minister" be capped re Thatcher given that she was PM at the time?
 * Appraisal
 * "Driberg's great services" Such as?  He was an indifferent MP, never in government.  Was it stuff while on the executive?

That's all I have. Looks like Waugh isn't over, just yet.--Wehwalt (talk) 19:01, 16 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks for these comments. I only have intermittent internet access through libraries at present, so I cannot rerspond in detail but will do so as soon as I am able. Meantime could you comment on the issue relating to his listing as a "Soviet spy", as mentioned in my PR request? Brianboulton (talk) 13:21, 17 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Based on what I have read, there's not enough evidence to put it in the list. Sorry about the internet access.--Wehwalt (talk) 13:26, 17 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Again, thank you for these comments. In nearly every case I have adopted your suggestions or something very similar. A few comments are required on the folowing:-
 * Infobox: I agree with you about the order of the offices, but this seems to be governed by the template, which has rejected my attempts to revise the order. I will continue to work on this.
 * I have used lower case "parliament/parliamentary" throughout, except in the specific title "Member of Parliament". As to "Independent", it is invariable in the UK to capitalise this when it is used as a label in an election. I have also standardised "prime minister" in lower case.
 * Driberg and Waugh did indeed meet in church, and exchanged a few words. I don't want to extend the anecdote; I've changed "met" to "encountered".
 * Labour majority 1950: Of 625 seats, Labour won 315, everbody else won 310. One of these others was the Speaker, Douglas Clifton Brown, nominally a Conservative but in fact and by law strictly impartial. So the combined opposition forces were 309, making Labour's overall majority 6. Other majorities can be suggested; it's obvious where the 5 comes from, and since two of the opposition were non-voting Irish Nationalists a case can be made for an effective majority of 8. But most books, I have found, refer to a majority of six.
 * Re File:Burgess-maclean.JPG, I'll see if there is any grounds for it being PD and will otherwise remove it.
 * Nuclear weapons were a generally dominant political issue in the late 50s and early 60s, not just an obsession of Driberg and the Labour left wing. Hence Macmillan's efforts from 1959 onwards to secure a test ban treaty
 * "Great services" was Foot's assessment, so I've put it in quotes.

Hopefully all done now. Brianboulton (talk) 18:37, 20 March 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: This looks quite good to me. As requested, I have read it and here are some nitpicky suggestions for improvement.
 * In the lead, I would link Bradwell juxta Mare (probably better to link "Bradwell on Sea" and pipe it to this and avoid the red link)
 * "Bradwell juxta Mare" is part of a title ("Baron Bradwell of Bradwell juxta Mare in the County of Essex"). Should parts of titles be linked? Finetooth raised the same point about "Essex". Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I assume the Grange School was a boarding school - could that be made clearer in At the age of eight Driberg was sent to the Grange school in Crowborough ...?
 * Driberg was a day pupil at Grange. I have clarified this in the text. Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Would it help to add his age in In 1918 Driberg left the Grange for Lancing College...? I know you can work out that he was about 13 from the year, but I think most people today think on 18 year olds "starting college". OK, I now see his age is given later in the same paragraph (15 two years later when joining the BCP). Not sure two mentions of age in one paragraph are needed.
 * I've reworded slightly, to clarify how old he was when he went to Lancing and also to indicate that this was a school not a "college" in the US sense. Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Really picky, but why not just move the word outside the quotation Throughout his time at Oxford, Driberg followed his passion for Anglican rituals by regularly attending Mass at Pusey House, an independent religious institution with a mission to "[restore] the Church of England's Catholic life and witness".[15]  could be Throughout his time at Oxford, Driberg followed his passion for Anglican rituals by regularly attending Mass at Pusey House, an independent religious institution with a mission to restore "the Church of England's Catholic life and witness".[15] 
 * The full quotation refers to "restoring the Church of England's Catholic life and witness". I've altered "restoring" to "restore", to fit my own sentence structure, but I think the word should remain within the quote. Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Michael Foot is wikilinked in both the Allegations of treachery and the Appraisal sections - twice in adjacent sections seems overlinking
 * I've attended to this. Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I do not see the need for the first comma in Driberg's colleague Michael Foot pours scorn on a claim by Pincher that prime minister Margaret Thatcher had, made a secret agreement with Foot not to expose Driberg if Foot would, in turn, keep silent about the supposed treachery of Roger Hollis, another of Pincher's recently dead targets.[131]
 * I've attended to this too Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I somehow expected there to be more about his supposed links to MI5, expecially claims made after his death.
 * I will look at this aspect. All the claims were made after his death. Adding more might mean giving more space to Pincher's allegations. Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * I made a few copyedits (removed an extra space, removed a stray close ref tag, and linked a German phrase)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 02:15, 20 March 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review. I have responded as indicated.

PS I would at least add the disputed tag to Driberg's name in the Soviet Spies navbox (as is done for Liddell), and would not object to remiving his name from the template and the template from the article. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:00, 20 March 2011 (UTC)


 * Yes, it seems to a be a general view that this navbox should not be with the article, and I have removed it. Brianboulton (talk) 21:05, 20 March 2011 (UTC)