Wikipedia:Peer review/Tony Nader/archive1

Tony Nader
This peer review discussion has been closed. This biography article is short, but I think it covers an interesting subject. I believe it reflects all available information even though it's missing some key information, like date of birth. The lead section is just one paragraph, which meets the length standard in WP:LEAD. It could be stretched to two if a reviewer prefers. I think the refs are all good. In particular, I'd like help with copy editing. I think it can be a GA-quality article.

Thanks,   Will Beback    talk    08:48, 4 October 2010 (UTC)

Comments added by PanydThe muffin is not subtle 21:13, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

This article is a really good start and you obviously know a lot about the subject. The only general advice I would give you is to assume that everyone reading your article is as clueless as I am, and that most people don't want to click through to other links to learn about this article's subject. Which isn't to say that you need to include lots of irrelevant information; it's just to say that perhaps a few illuminative sentences wouldn't go amiss.

The lead needs a lot more context. I had to follow links to understand that the 'Global Country of World Peace' was even connected to the 'Transcendental Meditation Movement'. Even then I'm not entirely sure about the links. Is he head of the movement as well then? What does "Raja Nader Raam" or "Adi Ram" mean? Why is it significant that he was named this? I am very confused.

It would be a very good idea to look into that medical degree a little bit more. I know what it says on his website but finding out from a WP:RS whether or not he actually holds that degree seems like a good idea. I'm guessing, if he's worked at Harvard, that he does have it, but the article currently implies that it's a little fishy.

It would be good to clean up the 'drama' regarding his work in Massachusetts. At the moment I'm not entirely sure what he said he did at MIT. Nor am I sure what his conflict of interest could be as I don't know what he was researching.

Was he awarded his weight in gold by the Maharishi Global Development Fund? Why did they give him so much money? Why do they like his research? I need to know!

A brief sentence outlining the Maharishi Vedic Vibration Technology after its first mention would also be good and illustrative.

I'd really like a section on this guy's political views. Statements like the one made in April 2000 seem to be coming completely out of the blue to me (and I assume anyone else not familiar with his organisation's teachings). I'm sure with someone as outspoken as that you can find enough sources.

What is the mansion? Why is it the capitol of this country? What land is this country made out of? Why do they even exist? What are their stated goals? I know they already have an article written about them but small sentences to explain these things in shallow detail would really really help.


 * That's very helpful feedback. Unfortunately, about half of what you ask about is unanswerable. But much of it can be addressed, as you say, with a few illuminative sentences or descriptors. Thanks for taking the time to read and review the article.   Will Beback    talk    22:19, 8 October 2010 (UTC)