Wikipedia:Peer review/Tungsten/archive1

Tungsten
A B-class and High importance article, Tungsten could probably get to featured article with a few improvements. Help me in determining what those are. Best Regards. Borjon22 17:26, 4 March 2007 (UTC)

User:A mcmurray
At a glance I noticed the following:


 * References: not nearly enough inline citations for even a B class article in my opinion, nor sources. In addition any inline citation that consist of external links should be converted to the proper form either using citeweb or just freehanding it. Almost every single section lacked inline citations. While not required they greatly reduce the ambiguity of the source material.
 * Photo: the photo is tagged on Commons because of its use of a coin, it should have a replacement created. In addition perhaps it could be a photo of the actual metal sans glass vial.
 * Lists: the Applications section is nothing more than a long list, it should be converted to prose.
 * Copy-edit: Like almost every article it needs a thorough copy edit or two. Try to have more than one set of eyes look at it. I will try to give it a good one when I get a shot.
 * Expansion: Many of the sections need expansion and lack key information, see below. This article will eventually lend itself nicely to summary style.

More in depth:


 * Intro: should conform to WP:LEAD. Needs to be edited for clarity as well. This sentence, A very hard, heavy, steel-gray to white transition metal, tungsten is found in several ores including wolframite and scheelite and is remarkable for its robust physical properties, especially the fact that it has the highest melting point of all the non-alloyed metals and the second highest of all the elements after carbon, was a little bit long winded.
 * 'Notable characteristics': section needs to be edited for overall clarity. This is an example of a confusing sentence" This element has the highest melting point (3422 °C) (6192 °F), lowest vapor pressure and the highest tensile strength at temperatures above 1650 °C (3000 °F) of all metals. It is unclear if all three qualities are being described as occuring at temps above 1650. This sentence: Steel alloyed with small quantities of tungsten greatly increases its toughness, could probably use a rewrite.
 * 'Applications': as was already said the list should be converted to prose to conform to WP:EMBED. I added the cleanup section tag for now.
 * 'History': first graf (one sentence) has problems. Tungsten (Swedish tung sten meaning "heavy stone"), even though the current name for the element in Swedish is wolfram (sometimes spelled in Swedish as volfram), from the denomination volf rahm by Wallerius in 1747, translated from the description by Agricola in 1546 as Lupi spuma, meaning "wolf's froth" after the way tin is eaten up like a wolf after sheep in the process of its extraction[1]. That sentence is a mouthful and is badly written, needs a rewrite. This section is also somewhat short considering the importance of tungsten in WWII and its use as light bulb filament. Try to include some history of its migration from new metal to light bulb filament. How did that all come about? Surely there is some info that can be incorporated into this article.
 * 'Biological role': at first I thought this section seemed out of place, but I don't think it is, maybe. This section could use some expansion as well. It also leads to questions about the toxicity of tungsten, which is information that should be included.
 * Other sections: At a glance they looked good save the fact that they mostly lacked inline citations. I will try to give a more thorough report when I do a copy edit.

Hopefully I wasn't overly harsh as anything I noted is intended to help not harm nor insult. : ) Good luck with the article. A mcmurray (talk • contribs) 07:25, 5 March 2007 (UTC)