Wikipedia:Peer review/Turtle Rock Studios/archive1

Turtle Rock Studios
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to push it to GAN, and would like to receive addition comments to further improve the article before nominating.

Thanks, AdrianGamer (talk) 15:14, 20 August 2015 (UTC)

Comments from RO

 * Lead
 * In addition, the founder of the company
 * Introductory clauses such as "in addition" are rarely appropriate in formal writing.


 * Prior to founding
 * founded by Michael Booth, Phil Robb, and Chris Ashton
 * You use a serial comma here, but in the lead you did not: "founded in March 2002 by Michael Booth, Phil Robb and Chris Ashton". Either style is acceptable, but usage ought to be consistent throughout.


 * Robb as a freelancer, and Booth as a contractor, later decided to join Valve and were reunited with Ashton.[4]
 * This is technically correct grammar, but it strikes me as borderline dangling.


 * Turtle Rock 1.0
 * The team, whose size was about six people
 * This could be made simpler, such as "The team of about six people".


 * As the team had only developed competitive multiplayer games before
 * This should read, "As the team had developed only competitive multiplayer games before".


 *  which is a scenario where players fight against bots, equipped only with knifes, and act like zombies
 * Who are the knife-wielding zombies, the robots or the player characters?


 * and Valve proposed helping to fund and publish the game
 * This needs a good polishing.


 * Valve South
 * co-ordination between the two studios was difficult as they were physically far apart from each other
 * Coordination ought not be hyphenated, and this is confusing. Coordination between points in the communication age isn't difficult, especially for a computer tech-based company.


 * Turtle Rock 2.0
 * Robb and Ashton decided to share the position of studio head. Ashton initially declined the request, but eventually accepted and partnered with Robb to lead the studio.
 * This needs polishing, as you first state the decision, then flashback to Ashton's apprehension.


 * Both of them considered themselves video game developers not managers
 * "They considered themselves developers"


 * the studio decided to split away from the two franchises, to work on something new.
 * The comma is unnecessary, and the split-infinitive could be avoided by saying, "the studio decided to split away from the two franchises and work on something new."


 * However, most of them were not supportive
 * Avoid using "however".


 * In addition, these companies thought that Turtle 
 * Another superfluous introductory phrase.


 * Eventually, publisher THQ decided to accept 
 * And another ...


 * According to Robb, THQ's then president Danny Bilson, and Jason Rubin, were very enthusiastic
 * This "according to" is also unnecessary.


 * But THQ was in a financial crisis that had begun in 2010
 * It's an old school rule, but it's typically inappropriate to begin a sentence with "but". But in fairness, others will say it's okay.


 * Future
 * Per WP:WEASEL, we should avoid using "Robb also says".
 * Left 4 Dead
 * with assistance provided by publisher Valve Corporation
 * Elsewhere you just say "Valve", so why the renewed formality?


 * The game released on Microsoft Windows 
 * "The game was released"?


 * Evolve
 * I assume there is a main article that could be linked to here.
 * Philosophy
 * According to Robb and Ashton, they enjoy playing co-operative multiplayer games and are passionate about them
 * Drop the "according to".


 * The relationship between the company's management and staff is close
 * How about, "The company's management and staff enjoy a close relationship"?

This is a well- written and presented piece. Most of the prose is quite good, and I only see little issues that are easily fixed. Nicely done, and keep up the great work! RO (talk) 17:01, 20 August 2015 (UTC)
 * Conclusion


 * Thank you once again for giving comments. I have gone ahead and fixed most of your concerns. AdrianGamer (talk) 03:34, 21 August 2015 (UTC)