Wikipedia:Peer review/Tyne Tees Television/archive1

Tyne Tees Television
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've been working on this for over two years and it's time another pair of eyes went through it. Copy editing isn't my forte, so it would be helpful if some kind, gifted soul could either massage the prose, or spell improvements out to me (vague criticisms like "some problems with logical flow" are unhelpful). I would like to get the article to GA.

Thanks, The JPS talk to me  12:17, 7 November 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is certainly broad in coverage and possibly comprehensive, well-sourced, stable, and neutral. I think it's about ready for GA, though the prose could use some more polish. I did quite a bit of minor copyediting as I went, but I didn't fix everything (like the large number of single quotes). Here are specific suggestions for further improvement.

Lead
 * MOS:INTRO says in part, "The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article." - The existing lead is pretty short for such a long article. A good rule of thumb is to include at least a mention of each of the main text sections and not to include anything important in the lead that is not developed in the main text.
 * "Currently, it forms part of a non-franchise ITV... " - Rather than using non-specific references to time like "currently", it's usually better to say something like "as of 2009".
 * I'd suggest merging the third paragraph, a one-sentence orphan, with paragraph 2.

Launch, and the 1960s
 * "ITA considered the original name, 'North East England', was imprecise. Some of the consortium's suggestions were rejected: 'Three Rivers Television' for being obscure, and 'Tyne, Wear, and Tees'... " - Double quotes are preferred to single quotes in cases like these. Ditto for the many other similar instances throughout the article. An exception would be any place these sorts of quotation marks appear inside a direct quotation. Then the singles are used to visually distinguish them from the doubles.
 * "Television sets required a new aerial, the Yagi array" - Wikilink Yagi array?
 * "The daughter of Mr Welch is Denise, who would become a well-known actress and personality." - Rather than using "Mr", Wikipedia uses the first name without the title, "Mr".

1970s
 * "The ident also introduced the blue and yellow colour scheme... " - "Ident" is slang. "Identity"?
 * "Trident Television was formed in March 1969 as a joint venture to sell adverts for Tyne Tees and Yorkshire." - "Advert" is slang. "Advertisement"?

1980s
 * "The ident was redesigned in 1988." - "Identity"?

1990s
 * "On 16 March 1996, the presentation department in Newcastle was closed, with continuity being centralised in Leeds (transmission for the station had already been handled by Yorkshire since 1993)." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction, and the complete sentence inside the parentheses needs slightly different punctuation. Suggestion: "On 16 March 1996, the presentation department in Newcastle was closed, and continuity was centralised in Leeds. (Transmission for the station had already been handled by Yorkshire since 1993).
 * "and "3" was the preset used by most television sets and VCRs for ITV" - Wikilink preset? Spell out and link Videocassette recorder (VCR) on first use?
 * "by Mark Knopfler regularly accompanying ident sequences" - Another "ident".
 * "In 1999, the cost of the tender fee that Tyne Tees... " Wikilink tender fee?
 * "Politicians have expressed concern, however, that the merger would affect the quality of news for southern Scotland, in particular, would fall if it lost its customised bulletins." - Should that be "fail" rather than "fall"?
 * "Between December 2008 and February 2009, around 50 staff at the station were made redundant or accepted voluntary redundancy" - Wikilink redundant?

"2000s"
 * "The Tube was axed in 1987 as a result of falling audience figures, with Jools Holland swearing during a live trailer not helping." - "Axed" is slang, and "with" doesn't make a good conjunction. "Trailer" should probably be linked. Suggestion: "The Tube was dropped in 1987 as a result of falling audience figures and an incident involving Jools Holland, who cursed during a live trailer.

Specific
 * The date formatting in the citations should be consistent throughout. You can use either d-m-y or yyyy-mm-dd, but the style guidelines advise against a mixture of the two formats.

Images
 * Two of the images lack alt text.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 23:01, 16 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you very much for your extensive copyediting and suggestions. I've enacted most of them (still to do the lead, and I'm unsure about the invalidity of "ident"). The JPS talk to me  10:19, 1 December 2009 (UTC)