Wikipedia:Peer review/United States congressional delegations from Utah/archive1

United States congressional delegations from Utah
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I feel it lacks something. I'll eventually nominate this as a FLC. I've used United States congressional delegations from Indiana as a guide as it is the only congressional delegation list that is a FL. Bgwhite (talk) 08:36, 7 May 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This looks comprehensive, well-organized, and generally well-illustrated. I have several suggestions, mostly about prose and style issues.


 * Senator should be capitalized when used immediately before someone's name; e.g., Senator John Doe, and Senate and House of Representatives should be capitalized. However, "senator" and other legislative titles are normally lowercased in other uses. For example, "Senators" in "Each state elects by popular vote two Senators statewide to serve for six years" should be changed to "senators". So should "Senator" in "The longest-serving Senator is Orrin Hatch... ". I see a lot more instances of incorrect capitalization in the lead and the captions. The Indiana article you mention has errors of this sort despite being FA.


 * "Before the Seventeenth Amendment, Senators were elected by the Utah State Legislature to two-year terms." - Would it be helpful to add the date, 1913, that the change occurred? I know you already included it in the main text, but maybe here too?


 * "but the territorial delegate was restricted from voting on legislation" - Tighten to "but the territorial delegate could not vote on legislation"?


 * " Only three women have been a member of Utah's congressional delegation, Representative Reva B. Bosone, Representative Karen Shepherd and Representative Enid Greene" - Tighten to " Only three women have been members of Utah's congressional delegation, Representatives  Reva B. Bosone, Karen Shepherd and Enid Greene.


 * I would shorten the subheads under "House of Representatives" to "Territory" and "State".


 * "Senator Hatch was re-elected in 2006 with 61.2% of the vote.[1] Senator Hatch was re-elected in 2004 with 68.7% of the vote." - Generally "percent" is preferred to % in simple cases like this. The symbol is sometimes preferred in scientific articles or in tables or lists with many repetitive instances.


 * "Every ten years, the... ". - Generally numbers from 10 up are written as digits unless they begin a sentence. In most cases, you seem to have used digits for big numbers, but this should be made consistent throughout the article. Here I think this should be 10, and I see other big numbers in the next paragraph of the "Representatives from the State of Utah" section like "thirty-two" that should be changed to digits for consistency.


 * Several paragraphs in the article are unsourced. A good rule of thumb is to provide at least one source per paragraph (except for the lead) in order to meet WP:V.


 * Note 2: "Senator Smoot was seated in 1904, but on trail... " - "Trial" rather than "trail"? If you mean "trial", this is problematic because it might mean he was on trial in a court of law. Or was he on trial in a court of law? Would it be helpful to add to the note some brief explanation of why being a Mormon was considered a problem?
 * Note 3: "Wallace Bennett was not a candidate for re-election in 1974, and resigned early presumably to allow his successor to gain seniority over others elected in 1974." - Does this need further elaboration for foreigners? How does this seniority business work?
 * Note 4: "Cannon successfully contested the election" - Did he contest the election, or did he contest the governor's appointment? Also, wikilink polygamist?
 * Note 5: "Elected to fill the vacancy caused by the seat held by George Q Cannon being vacated by the House." - Awkward. Suggestion: "Elected to fill the opening created when the House vacated the seat held by George Q Cannon"
 * Note 6: "House of Representative voted not to seat Brigham Roberts for being a polygamist." - Suggestion: "On grounds that he was a polygamist, the House of Representatives voted not to seat Brigham Roberts."


 * The images look good. I would advise fleshing out the details on the licensing pages as much as possible. For example, the book from which the Frank Cannon image comes has two authors, a publisher, a title, and a specific publication date. It's good to include all of that so that future fact-checkers will have no trouble verifying the source even if the url goes dead.
 * Would it be possible to add one of the three women representatives to the column of mug shots?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 18:43, 12 May 2010 (UTC)