Wikipedia:Peer review/University of North Carolina at Pembroke/archive1

University of North Carolina at Pembroke
I've listed this article for peer review because… I've recently done a major re-write hopefully towards FAC and I want to see what else needs to be done.

Thanks,

Pilotguy 20:45, 23 August 2007 (UTC)

Review by Midnightdreary

You've still got some work to do, but great job so far; it's definitely in better shape than it was. I have some suggestions.


 * Take a look at WP:LEAD and consider expanding the introduction.


 * History: The bold is a little overwhelming for me, but some readers may disagree. Remember though that even in subsections only the first letter of the header should be capitalized (unless it's a proper noun, of course). Actually, because the history section is relatively brief, I'd consider removing the subsections entirely and let it just run as a narrative. That might let you keep the bold terms because the (also bold) subheadings won't overwhelm it. ✅ You'll probably want another citation for the second half of the first paragraph under Croatan Normal School paragraph. Under "Recent years" all those sentences with dates should have in-line citations. Also, if you continue to expand this subsection, be careful of NPOV concerns: ...the university's profile and attention has increased recently as the result of an aggressive statewide advertising campaign... could be challenged (I wouldn't but you never know).


 * Campus: I'd recommend more in-line citations scattered throughout. I also wouldn't bold the campus center's name (I usually only bold terms that are synonymous with the name of the article). The lawn being "a popular place on campus" is either original research or perhaps another breach of NPOV. ✅ This is a great reason why this section needs more in-line citations.


 * Organization: Source this intro sentence and possibly expand the prose before going into lists.

*Students and faculty: Calling it a "unique school" is almost definitely not NPOV, if you ask me. I've worked at and attended several colleges and they all claim to offer small class sizes. My grad school averages 15 students per class, so 30 at UNC Pembroke is not small anyway. See the NPOV problem? I'd also be okay with putting those two paragraphs together into one. Oh, and remember it should be "Students and faculty" with the small f. ✅

*Sports, clubs, and traditions: (again, capitalization) Why italicize "Braves"? Also, the line: Due to its legacy as a Native American school, the Braves are typically not targeted in movements to change or ban Indian team names desperately needs citations. Also, expand the other two subsections on Clubs and Traditions, with sources where possible. ✅ With expanding for the most part.

*General: The article might be overdoing it on pictures (they're great, though). Consider moving the free images to Wikimedia Commons and creating a category you can link to from this article (ask me on my talk page if you need help with that specific suggestion). Once that's done, you can consider which are the more vital images and be able to make them a bit bigger without so much competition from other images. ✅ Disagree here but two images have been removed nonetheless. I can see you've probably already seen the recommended article structure over at the Universities wikiproject. Good call.


 * A big problem which is sure to be challenged as you try to get to Good Article or Featured Article is the lack of third-party sources. See WP:RS for some ideas of what people may be looking for.

Well, I hope I was helpful! Good luck on continuing to improve this article! --Midnightdreary 13:33, 8 September 2007 (UTC)

review
The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question. You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, DTGardner 22:42, 10 September 2007 (UTC)
 * Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
 * Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
 * Per Manual of Style (headings), avoid capitalizing words in section headings unless they are proper nouns or the first word of the heading.[?]
 * Watch for redundancies that make the article too wordy instead of being crisp and concise. (You may wish to try Tony1's redundancy exercises.)
 * While additive terms like “also”, “in addition”, “additionally”, “moreover”, and “furthermore” may sometimes be useful, overusing them when they aren't necessary can instead detract from the brilliancy of the article. This article has 9 additive terms, a bit too much.
 * As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
 * Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]

Thanks for the help guys. I'll try to work on this stuff later on (I've already removed two images). Pilotguy 15:30, 11 September 2007 (UTC)