Wikipedia:Peer review/VSP Vision Care/archive1

VSP Vision Care

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because...

Second attempt at creating entry for VSP Vision Care. Used feedback from previous reviewer who flagged for speedy deletion

Thanks, Elizba (talk) 17:00, 1 July 2009 (UTC) Elizba (talk) 17:00, 1 July 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: The article contains important and interesting information on a very worthwhile organization. However, it does not at present correspond to Wikipedia article standards. Here are some areas requiring attention.
 * Lead is a brief introduction, rather than a summary of the complete article
 * The exaggerated logo in the infobox looks like advertising/promotional material rather than something appropriate to a neutral encyclopedia article.
 * References should be properly formatted, and listed in a "References" section. At present they are bare links to web pages. See WP:CITE/ES for information on how to format references.
 * The prose requires a more detached tone than is evident here. It reads as though from a promotional leaflet.
 * Prose style requires attention. In the first main section, four successive paragraphs begin with "VSP..." Some variety of expression is necessary.
 * Section titles cannot be the same as the article title.
 * See Manual of style (WP:MOS) for rules relating to capitalization in section titles. For example, Community Benefit should be Community benefit, Charity Programs should be Charity programs, etc.
 * The article requires categories.

I hope you find these comments helpful. Brianboulton (talk) 23:38, 12 July 2009 (UTC)

See also User talk:Elizba/New article for earlier comments Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 21:44, 3 February 2010 (UTC)