Wikipedia:Peer review/Virtual camera system/archive1

Virtual camera system

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'm quite knowledgeable on the topic but I'm not sure how I could improve the article any further. Any suggestion would be appreciated.

Thanks, Laurent (talk) 16:36, 13 June 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is an interesting article that illuminates something all computer game players notice but do not necessarily understand. As I read, I noticed quite a few mostly small prose and Manual of Style issues. I fixed a few of them, and below is a list of other suggestions.

Lead
 * "where their purpose is to show the action under the best possible angle" - "at" rather than "under"?
 * "more generally, they are also used in 3D virtual worlds when a third person view is required" - Delete "also"?
 * "Tracking cameras, on the other hand, follow the character as he moves." - To avoid using "he" to mean "he", "she", and possibly "it", perhaps this could be recast. Suggestion: "Tracking cameras, on the other hand, follow the character's movements."
 * Since MOS:IMAGES suggests starting an article with an infobox or lead image in the upper right, it might be better to move one of the two images in the article to the upper-right position or to find a suitable third image.

Contents
 * MOS:HEAD says "Section names should preferably be unique within a page; this applies even for the names of subsections." Thus "camera systems" which appears in the title should not be used in the section heads, and those heads should be unique. Perhaps "Third-person view" and then "Fixed", "Tracking", and "Interactive" would be OK for the first set, then "Implementations" for the head of the next big section.

Third person view games
 * "rendered from a fixed distance behind the player character, and slightly above them" - "Character" is singular, but "them" is plural. This is probably meant as a way to avoid the awkward "he, she, it" business, but there's another way. Suggestion: "rendered from a fixed distance behind and slightly above the player character"
 * "This viewpoint allows players to see a more strongly characterized avatar" - Wikilink avatar?
 * "Games with this perspective often make use of positional audio, where the volume of ambient sounds varies depending on the position of the avatar." - "Where" doesn't seem like quite the right word. Suggestion: "Games with this perspective often make use of positional audio, which varies the ambient sound volume to match the avatar's position."
 * "There are primarily three types of third-person camera systems: the "fixed camera systems" where the camera positions are set during the game creation; the "tracking camera systems" where the camera simply follows the player's character; and the "interactive camera systems" which are under the player's control." - Ditto here for the two "where"s. Suggestion: "There are primarily three types of third-person camera systems: the "fixed camera systems" in which the camera positions are set during the game creation; the "tracking camera systems" in which the camera simply follows the player's character; and the "interactive camera systems" that are under the player's control."

Fixed camera systems
 * MOS:TITLE says to italicize the titles of computer games. Thus Alone in the Dark and all the other game titles in the article need italics. You can look at this page in edit mode to see how the italics are placed outside the wikilink.
 * The second paragraph ends with "The early Resident Evil games are also notable for their use of fixed cameras." Who says so? Since no source is given for this claim or for any of the claims in the paragraph, it might be seen to violate WP:NOR. A good rule of thumb is to source every paragraph, every statistic, every unusual claim, and every direct quotation.
 * "One advantage of this camera system is that it offers a rhetorical control to the game designer." - Is "rhetorical" the right word? Rhetoric concerns speaking and writing rather than anything else, I would say.
 * "Indeed, as a filmmaker, they... " - "Filmmaker is singular", but "they" is plural.
 * "For example, Capcom use this technique in Resident Evil 2 where have they introduced the encounter between a monster and Leon by a careful selection of views that aim at creating tension." - "uses" rather than "use"? Capcom is singular, but "they" is plural. "in which" rather than "where"?

Tracking camera systems
 * More "player" "he" pairs that should be recast to include other genders.

Interactive camera systems
 * Explain or link "analogic stick"? Wikilink mouse?
 * "This is for example the case in games such as Super Mario Sunshine... " - Delete "for example''?
 * "The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker was more successful at it; IGN calling the camera system... " - "IGN called"?

Camera system implementations
 * The first paragraph is not sourced and has a citation tag.
 * If you can figure out how to do it, it would be best not to have an image that overlaps two sections. MOS:IMAGE deprecates the practice. One way to possibly make it fit would be to use the "upright" parameter (used to reduce the size of large vertical images) instead of the fixed pixel (150) width in the image template and then to shorten the caption.
 * WP:MOS suggests using "percent" rather than % in simple cases.

Constraint solver
 * "The role of a constraint solver..." - Perhaps a reminder to the reader here that a constraint solver is software, not a gadget or a person?

Autonomous agents
 * He devised a system where the camera... " - "in which" rather than "where"?

References
 * Books refs should include ISBN numbers, if available.
 * Page ranges take unspaced en dashes rather than hyphens.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 20:42, 23 June 2009 (UTC)