Wikipedia:Peer review/Vito Trause/archive1

Vito Trause


I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to pursue turning this into a Good Article and would like the article to be in good shape before I list it at WP:GAN. Primarily, I'm seeking two things:
 * 1) Feedback on the extent to which the article is of decent breadth, as evaluated by someone who's unfamiliar with this specific individual, as well as ways to improve breadth; and
 * 2) A proofreading of the document to ensure that there are no spelling mistakes, ambiguous phrases, or grammar/syntax errors.

The article is largely based off of news pieces that span some ~75 years (the article subject lived into his nineties), so it may be difficult for individuals without access to newspapers.com (and/or subscriptions to North Jersey Gannett-owned papers) to verify that my work is WP:OR compliant. If you can do this, then that would be great, but if not it's no big deal.

Thank you!

— Mikehawk10 (talk) 04:26, 4 November 2021 (UTC)

Comments from Kting97
Hi Mike. I will preface my peer review by saying that this is my first time giving a peer review on Wikipedia, but despite my lack of experience in this process I hope my comments shall provide some assistance to you. I am still new to editing Wikipedia entries and am not entirely familiar with the templates and editing language, so I will confine myself primarily to the language of the article. Also, I didn't edit anything in the article itself as I assume you may want to do any alterations yourself. However, if you don't mind, I would be happy to edit some of syntax suggestions directly. Now, to the suggestions themselves: General Early life World War II Italian campaign and capture Post-war life
 * Perhaps you could be consistent in either using "World War II" or "Second World War." Also, in the lead, you wrote "second world war" without capitalization.
 * In the infobox, you could include where he born and where he died. Further, where you put his spouse's name, I think it should just be "née Iwanowski."
 * You wrote "Borough," but I don't think it should be capitalized if you are linking the word to the definition of a "borough." However, if you are referring to the "Borough of Carlstadt," i.e. as a proper noun, then I would suggest linking that entire phrase to the Carlstadt page.
 * Suggestion for the flow of the first sentence: "Trause was born in the Borough of Carlstadt, New Jersey on July 19, 1925." Since you mention right after that he attended school within Carlstadt, I think you can remove "was raised".
 * When you say "He attended Carlstadt Public School," is that the actual name of the school or did he simply attend a public school in Carlstadt? I ask because it links to an article that refers to a public school district as opposed to a specific public school.
 * Suggest re-phrasing the two sentences that both start the same way: "He attended." Suggestion: "He first attended Carlstadt Public School, where he was a member of the school's choir, and then East Rutherford High School, playing for the school's football and baseball teams."
 * Suggest remove the phrase "He did not graduate from high school" since you mention right after that Trause dropped out.
 * Perhaps you could add some WWII context prior as you say he dropped out, such as "On November 30, 1943, two years into the United States' participation in World War II, Trause dropped out his junior year of high school in order to enlist with the United States Army."
 * Suggest swapping the order from "in Alabama at Fort McClellan" to "at Ford McClellan in Alabama" just because it usually is the smallest geographical unit first.
 * Suggest re-phrasing the two sentences that both start the same way: "After completing." Suggestion: "Trause received 17 weeks of infantry training at Ford McClellan in Alabama, followed by mountain warfare training in North Africa."
 * In the lead, you mention that Trause "fought in Africa". By that, do you mean he conducted his military warfare training there? Does that technically count as having "fought" in the theater and/or campaign? If he did engage in combat, are there any details you could include?
 * When you say "After completing his training in Africa," I would remove "in Africa" as you already mentioned that that was where his training was conducted.
 * The second sentence is a bit of a run-on, I would suggest splitting it up into two sentences after "on September 24, 1994."
 * When you say "After he was captured by the Nazis," I would remove "by the Nazis" as you already mentioned that he was captured by the SS.
 * "...subject him to the beatings..."
 * Suggestion: "Several days later, however, he was assigned prisoner number 139217, which he would be referred to as throughout the remainder of his imprisonment." I feel that adding "however" would underscore the idea that although he initially thought he ought to hide his name, at the end of the day, he was still stripped of that name.
 * Again, I don't think it is necessary to mention "Nazi Germany" again as you mentioned that the camp was run by them. Suggestion: "While at Stalag VII-A, Trause was subjected to force labor as he was made to repair railroads that had been damaged by bombs dropped by the Royal Air Force and to recover corpses."
 * Suggest separating the "in violation of the Geneva Conventions" into another sentence. Was it the opinion of the author of the source you cited that it was in violation of the Geneva Convention or was it decided in an international criminal court specifically in regards to the Nazi operation of Stalag VII-A? I ask as it might affect how I think you should phrase that sentences. Either: "Experts consider such use of prisoners of war for forced labor as..." or you cite an actual finding by a competent court.
 * When you say "leading to his foot becoming swollen" was it a single foot or both his feet?
 * Suggest you include information about the liberation of the camp. Although Stalag VII-A has its own Wikipeida page, I think it would help the flow of the article if you were to include some details, i.e. when, which forces liberated the camp, etc.
 * Add the in front of "World War II Victory Medal" and "Combat Infantry Badge."
 * Suggest merging Post-war life and Later years and including the community presence section above the family life section so that all his post-war achievements and recognitions are together.
 * Suggest renaming Family life to Personal life and including in it the paragraph you wrote about the organization that Trause was a member of.
 * If possible, suggest adding dates with regards to his semi-professional athletics career.
 * The "Honors" in "Local Honors" shouldn't be capitalized.

I hope these few suggestions are able to help you! Best regards, Kting97 (talk) 10:01, 6 December 2021 (UTC)